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^^^enormous, read it to the end for maximum standing-ovation-ness
it becomes even more impressive - god knows in his position I'd have bought the lass a drink
admittedly without the context he later supplies, this would be a trifle o_O but I think it's a pretty justified rant
that said, I think that dude's not in his social element at that kind of locale - a little like myself, really. not so much a late-night bar fella - hence I sympathise fairly strongly
Trut So Pure. Instead of responding to what could have been an innocent "Get to know you" request like a douche, he could have said "No; how about you buy me a drink?"
This satisfies the issue of gender equality mores in bars, opens up the possibility that the man will reciprocate in the next round, enables both parties to continue the conversation with the minimum loss of face and finally: We don't have to read a story about how a guy struck out with a girl by unloading all his buried resentments about 'sluts', buttered up a fatty for his mate and came back from what sounds like a shit bar, alone.
Also: I thought Craig's List was for selling unwanted furniture, not whining about girls.
Conclusion: This guy has no game.
This would have been ideal, come to think of it. I bow to your firepower, sir.
I agree with this man.
but he does have a point.
I mean, they're not really posed as a point of view.
"I introduced the big girl to an open-minded friend..." was a bit offensive.
he got her involved, had a conversation, brought her into his world, and although she wasn't necessarily his type, his social sphere contained a dude she clicked with. no problems there. it isn't condescending, it's exhibiting decency towards a fellow human who's also not quite at home in this sort of social situation - I highly doubt he calculated the whole thing as soon as he saw her
and would say that THIS bit is where he steps out of line, a little - specifically the 'open-minded friend' bit, although I think that's merely misguided projection from his own carnal desires and concession that the girl wasn't his type
How could he ho his friend out like that?
Types up barely believable story and posts it on internet.
probably felt really please with himself and got a nice wank out of it though!
to be sure
Though I'm left baffled that this could just be the way of things anywhere...
no need to write a thousand word rant on craigslist about it. The Casual Encounters section is usually funnier.
I then read it and don't really think he 'hardpwned' anyone, merely didn't buy someone a drink and made himself look a bit of a bozo in the process.
If he was having a good conversation with her and just said 'Sorry, I'm skint, I've had to round up the shrapnel to get the round in here anyway' she may well have continued to speak to him.
Instead he came home and cried on the internet about it.
Not having it.
but when he goes on to buy the other girl a drink, mentions the original girl's reaction, and describes how she'd already burned someone, he got me firmly on board
I know he probably looked like a bit of a twat (to her), but he strikes me as being cool enough not to care. It's the principle I like.
If he really, really wanted to sleep with her, I don't think he'd have done that. A little bitter perhaps, but also sincere and warm-hearted.
It's not so much a cry as an exultant and accusatory rant!
But typed all that out anyway?
It's a cry. A big pathetic someone-post-that-picture-of-Dawson cry.
I bet you're suffering SUCH cognitive dissonance from these replies that you and RockNRollMassacre are going to have to write another fucking treatise on the matter.
( http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4263599#r5496794 )
and been clowned even harder
maybe cut my losses, accept I'm a douche? hey at least I shone, briefly -_-
is it worth carrying on?
nb. i dont care about buying drinks for people.
some guy was chatting up your sister but ended up buying a drink for your mum.
what is craiglist anyway? like a crap version of gumtree?
I think it's just his alternatives if Mona had fucked off first thing.
Girl asked a guy for a drink. Didn't get it. Guy has semi-reasonable "he's poor, reckons she's just gonna take the drink and leave" type reasons to refuse. Refuses. She maybe calls him a dick or something. So far it's fairly unremarkable, but then for some reason he's posted several hundred words on craigslist explaining, then for some reason that link's been posted here, I've read it, and typed this. I hate the internet sometimes.
This is some douche who probably wouldn't say boo to a goose with a lack of social skills writing a load of bullshit on the internet. Frankly, I am astonished at your positive reaction to this; I even read to the end to get this so called amazing last post to be greeted with a fairly tame precis of the slew of offal that had preceded it.
From my reading this gentleman appears to be the quinessential "loser"
this meant for the op...
that half of this thread looks like its in reply to my post, when (I assume) it isn't
I think in my haste to agree with him I've given his treatment of the girl he got his mate with the benefit of quite some doubt - it's not to say I'd have acted similarly or expressed the turn of events in that sort of manner myself (because I almost certainly wouldn't - I'm really pretty sensitive to that sort of thing). However, I'm still confident he's TRYING (and largely succeeding) to treat her as a human being. The 'making a point to a third party' thing is perhaps an issue, but without that third party she would possibly not have had such a great evening? sometimes even a broad-minded person, especially a young one, needs a jolt of realisation that all humanity is of worth, regardless of appearance. I think if ANY lonely-looking person, regardless of size, shape etc, had been standing there, he'd have had that jolt and acted impulsively. I'm assuming that to get her involved with his social group he'd have had to relate to her and converse with her as an equal, before she gelled with his friend. Maybe that's too much B.O.D.
The smears on the 'attractive' (we're allowed subjective attractiveness, are we not?) girl's potential sexual performance IS projection, as he concedes, but it is in the spirit of the rant. Again, not sure I'd have made such a sweeping generalisation - clearly the dude hasn't made enough of a connection before shagging in previous flings.
As for the transactional stuff, he said himself that if he bought a drink for a girl of his own accord he'd expect nothing, but if a girl asked him to buy a drink, this would signal interest, which provided a good chat would signal the means to meet up again (and not necessarily go any further) - this sounds fair enough, even if, as I say, bar culture doesn't sound his thing.
The main reason I identify with the post is that I'm also young and learning - he's showing an effort to understand adult relations and the value of human connection, and while that effort is a tad scattergun, I think his heart's in the right place and I admire his stand, even if his game requires a bit of work.
people are actually agreeing with bamos.
I'm going back to that Les Savy Fav thread on the music board to see if I can stir it up a bit. It has great potential.
you don't know whom yr all dealing with
my last innings would have been at least 150 if I didn't have to retire when I reached my half century
Ha! I'd like to see you combat a phalanx of tidy swing bowlers with a full compliment of men blocking almost every route to run-scoring freedom...
also my last 10 or so dismissals have all been Caught. ain't nobody hittin' my stumps, bro
Wow, you're good at cricket and we play in a banter league. World continues to turn
I'll happily self-deprecate about my spell of 2-0-57-0 earlier this season if you like
I wanna by her a drink. Or him a drink. Or me a drink.
The guy's trying. He's literate, thoughtful and not a jerk. He's trying.
He lives in Salt Lake City, a place which is by most Western standards fairly reactionary. He's clearly not been exposed to ANY feminist theory but is trying his damnedest to make sense of prevailing cultural mores.
Yeah, he's a tad didactic and there are rough edges.
But I appreciate wholeheartedly his impulses, and his intentions.
to defend this - because it's fucking awful. It's dripping with Partridge-esque "needless to say, I had the last laugh". The horrific, condescending stuff he writes about the "chubby" girl shows him to be just as arrogant and presumptuous as his target. It's posted on fucking craigslist.
The guy is a massive douche, and I can't understand the energy you're putting into supporting him.
As the guy makes abundantly clear, the girl's RESPONSE to his refusal, coupled with his prior observations of her burning someone off, is what sets in his mind the desire to show up HER shallowness. It's a noble intention. He never claims to have had the last laugh - indeed he says he merely HOPES he had an effect on that girl.
Sure, the bit with the 'chubby' girl is problematic, because it can't NOT be seen as condescending in some way, but is it any more condescending than the phrase "there's someone for everyone"? A phrase I, she and most people with the occasional confidence issue have heard on NUMEROUS occasions? If she'd been happy to NOT have a drink bought for her, she'd have refused, and our man would have looked a bit silly, and wouldn't have written that anecdote. He took the risk that she'd not trust his motives. As it turned out, she was out to have fun and he'd correctly guessed her friends were leaving her alone. I *know* there's a minefield of etiquette and feminist debate as to engaging with someone BECAUSE they look left-out, but I seriously think he did it with noble intentions, and is describing her as 'chubby' because her self-knowledge of being chubby had already defined her insecurity and hesitancy to speak to anyone. It's a fair detail to note, even if he does it a trifle insensitively.
Probably the most insensitive detail is how it took an 'open-minded' friend to sleep with that girl. I'll concede that that is off.
Yeah, he wrote it to Craigslist. Yeah, he's an aspie douche for doing so. I kinda admire that.
but your use of the word 'aspie' to describe this wanker has annoyed me. he's just a jerk. grarghh.
so frankly I have no problem with using the term - I don't even mean it as a label, more as an admittance that he's overthinking it and overstating it slightly, gleefully manifesting wherever he lies on the spectrum - trying to put everything in its place in a way that's both heroic and doomed
n.b. I refer to myself as being 'aspie' whenever I catch myself making a REALLY nerdy list or pointing out some REALLY tenuous behavioural pattern - does that make me bigoted?
Some folks on another messageboard have given me a hard time over this - ironically some folks I'm usually in complete agreement with on these issues. Apparently I've sabotaged my claims to be a feminist. He shouldn't address it *at* women, and he's a little neurotic, but I don't think he hates women in any way* - he's trying to make a stand for personal treatment in a shallow sphere, which is problematic.
*he has perhaps been damaged towards particularly attractive women, which is why he caustically decided to 'test' this one with a 'no I won't buy you a drink' - but then I know what it's like to have a date cancelled by someone I'd feared was 'out of my league' - the best way to deal with these things is to treat them like people and see if they reciprocate, which is more or less what he did.
You obviously think you're using the word in a light-humoured, self depreciating way, which is fine. I just think you should be aware that a lot of people who are on the spectrum might not want to be tarred with the same brush as this guy. I think about this a lot, but I think that is all I should really be saying, to avoid turning this thread into a clusterfuck.
I'm not really interested in analysing whether this is anti-feminism or anything
It's also only very mild Asperger's in both his and my case that I'm referring to, a spectral register which wouldn't normally be observable, as opposed to something which might be classed as a disability - in which case use of the term, as affectionate diminutive, would be offensive.
I've had more than my fair share of internet clusterfucks under my belt down the years (can you tell?) but I don't think this should be one. Well, it should never go that far, but I've learnt a lot from them in the past! (Try engaging an intelligent American on racial issues and see how far you get before you realise you know very little indeed about the topic)
why would you have that much of an issue with girls wanting people to buy them drinks?
and typing a massive thing out on the internet doesnt really count as winning.
i dont think ive ever bought a girl a drink, not that big a deal is it
Fidel_catstro's Alan Partridge comparison sort of nails why.
But people on DiS don't let others have Nice Things.
even though it clearly didn't actually happen.