"Is Xabi Alonso his real name, or does he just wear a lot of Burberry and gold chains."
"I sometimes mis-read Gazza as Gaza. Makes for some interesting headlines."
"Polanski a free man. Swiss refuse to extradite. Instead he will be pecked to death by Cukoo Clocks."
More cutting-edge comedy here: http://twitter.com/ReaLouisewener