Since 1998, the Primary Vocation of My Life Has Been Cultivating Impotent Rage at All The Things I Own That Are Broken
Today that list contains:
- One (1) electric guitar; non-adjustable bridge leading to ludicrously high action. Needs stem inserted under neck. Estimated repair costs: £40
- One (1) electric guitar; wiring problem. Loose connection compounded by botched soldering job. Lack of knowledge about what exactly I'm supposed to do with an earthing wire. Estimated repair costs: £0-30
- One (1) bass guitar; playable, but with loose wiring threatening to render instrument useless. Estimated repair costs: £0-20
- One (1) desktop PC; malfunctioning cooling system. Allegedly contains five fans, only two work correctly and are currently operating at temperatures of between 80 and 140 degrees (NB: Optimum temperature is closer to 40). Estimated repair costs: £20-80 inc. parts and labour
- One (1) laptop PC; generally shit. Tends to restart itself if the plug is removed while the lid is closed. Estimated repair costs: Covered by insurance, cost of tube travel to PC world. Lost profits.
- Two (2) pairs of Audio-Technica headphones; one fully borked, one getting there. Estimated repair costs: £80. Everytime I send them in for repair, they jack up the costs five pounds. The fuckers.
- One (1) violin; is just badly maintained. Not really interested in repairing. Interested in tricking someone into taking it off me. Estimated repair costs: £???
One (1) Blackberry smartphone; Was totally borked yesterday (straight out of the box, no less), now fixed. Worryingly may be even more shit than the phone it replaced. Estimated repair costs: £time
One (1) Samsung mobile phone; Will not accept incoming calls. Likes to inform me of texts six hours after they were sent. Often while I'm sitting next to the person who sent it. Estimated repair costs: £can go fuck itself.
One (1) French DVD player; remote control has laughably short operational distance. No longer accepts USB sticks. Estimated repair costs: £more than device is worth. Which is about a tenner.
One (1) Microsoft wireless mouse; just decided to stop working one day. Estimated repair costs: £Just went and bought another mouse.
One (1) Sony Trinitron television; Has some lines on the screen everyone else in my house cares about but which I don't. Estimated repair costs: £more than device is worth.
One (1) set of Altec Lansing PC speakers; operational but held together with masking tape. Estimated repair costs: £fuck it.
Thoreau said "Simplify". I recognise that I need to make a change, but I'm dedicated to all this technology and to all the technology I have yet to purchase and be disappointed and frustrated by.