Spurned on by someone in the 'average relationship thread', I am going to solve all your relationship problems.
The answers will be based entirely on my non-existent knowledge of you, anecdotes I've overheard on buses and throwing darts at a map.
They will be odd, they will be uninformed, but they will be *one hundred per cent correct*.
(Pre-emptive Fuck You for the boring brigade already running with buckets of ire to douse my happy spark. Eat a bail of dicks.)