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you do you fancy for tonight?
what a failure
But just remember that one day I shall have my revenge.
He was one of the nicest people I've ever met. If points were awarded for general pleasantness, he should do well.
As it is, the song is crap and I thoroughly expect a bottom three performance. But I'm behind him all the way!
The song is painful, the singing is painful. But the boy is pretty and from Israel. So yeah.
I'm going to look at photos of them all and pick the three hottest ones...
performance:flaccid and tuneless
Could have been filler on a Rihanna album. Will probably do well.
everything else; package holiday nonsense
My word. Spain was horrific.
Something Tiny? His penis! LOLOLLOLOLO!!11!
I just got to the key change
Voice flatter than Hayley Paramoron
Terrible song (written by a Swede)
Would be a massive hit for Westlife or Boyzone (ie will get Irish votes)
terrible key change
He's missing half the notes. And it's boring. Even a key change couldn't save it.
and good revolving stage!
Costume: A bit Lady Gaga?
Moldova = best so far.
but awful dress
but sexy, and not an awful shade of ginger.
Everyone just bases their decision on how hot they are, unless the song is AMAZING right?
go Moldova, they got the eurovision spirit!
Yes please Moldova. Yes please.
eurohouse & and illuminating violins
could have been good but no real hook
this is exactly the kind of music I hate more than any other
looking all smug and like his the most important cock in the world
Moldova = brilliant, mainly because of the saxophonist
Spain = chris_is_cool, the later years?
Cyprus = yawn
A SWEDE WROTE YOUR DODGY ENTRY AND AT LEAST 3 OTHER ENTRIES
But the thread lols make me want to.
Soon as the baseball has finished I'm EurovisIN.
PS the bosnia & here song is rocking
SOLO MIMING FTW!
...and if you're a low-level british comedy writer/comedian/critic etc....you've got a whole evenings worth of twitter similie material
i can see it now
''@gracedent italian contestant looks like a malnourished tony soprano waiting in line for some cold cuts at the deli''
''@peterserofinawicz maldova guy looks like a mix between michael hesseltine and kermit the frog''
and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on....
None of my friends came to watch it with me, hence my descending to "twitter similie material".
It's all I have, Michael. ALL I HAVE.
this is WAYYYYY too middle of the road and camp in a BORING way.
Also, the singer looks like Disser Xylopwn.
Graham Norton is a far far far better commentator tho, huh? He's like like, epicly xenophobic. YAY!
for precisely the opposite reason - that his commentary didn't descend to quite the level of xenophobia that Wogan's used to.
This year he's been okay so far. In the background. It's not like you really need someone to tell you when to laugh when watching Eurovision.
i missed out the vital NOT.
i like him because he's NOT xenophobic.
65,000 fans on facebook won't win you shit with a BAD (meaning bad) rock song
why sing in English when you can hardly pronounce the words
LOL@ Thunder & Lightning holding hands
terrible key change
all kinds of wrog
think i'm going to vom.
earnest guy with a guitar - see cyprus
slightly better voice though
he thinks he's 'walking in memphis'
it's only on for 2 hours, aren't they usually like 6 hours or something?
presumably speeds stuff up a bit!
you go girl!
utterly pedestrian though (Belgium)
he shook his finger at the audience
girls with cleavage for no particular reason
The scars of the war will clearly damage that country for generations to come.
caught myself tapping to it a couple of times
Is that Meatloaf's son playing the piano?
Sweden's Robert Wells on piano - he wrote this song
he is a cunt
what's with the blonde's hair?
I hope they don't get tortured by the KGB when they get back.
Also, that singer man's hand is GIGANTIC
OH MY GOD
i shat myself
at least one of those butterflies is off key...
Butterflies flying to the sun? You're thinking of moths, mate.
that was brilliant :D
atmospheric and intimidating
got lost in the middle
no real ending
another song written by Swedes
she's ugly, which means she's got a big voice right?
I was wondering where she was going when she sang "hold onto these...hands" while gesturing at her breasts...
Also, according to the Guardian Eurovision live blog, Serbia's entry translated as:
You kiss me so sweetly
You have no shame
Belgrade, Belgrade,I'm so naughty,
Not once, not twice, but three times
Belgrade, Belgrade, we kiss three times here.
Balkans, Balkans, Balkans, this is the Balkans,Come on!
Is this some sort of penance?
Now there's tin whistle. My stereotypeometer just exploded.
I want some hi-energy eurobeat. NOW.
And not a moment too soon. Nice fiddle/drum/weird stuff interlude, too.
Please let this win.
a clsoe second to Moldova already.
As above: MORE EUROBEAT PLZZZZZZ!!!!
And more silly costumes and weird interpretive danse routiens!!!
and i think is supposed to sound a bit like how you feel when you're coming up on bad pills
This is the kind of thing I can imagine Russell Crowe doing drunk on holiday
'I'm setting fire to all that's old - hey!' ...and any bank in Athens...
this guy looks like he's eaten his way through a lot of middle aged brit women tourists in his time
I quite like it after all the dirge that's gone before
It's so cabaret... but he's so nice. All the best, Josh.
Greece is a bit East 17 gone middle-aged and ethic, isn't it?
but if Greece win they're too broke to host it - oops!
they'll have to scale it down to village hall proportions with maybe a vol-au-vent or 2
That's the UK entry?
with with all the short dresses with long trains?
Ouch at the backing vocals
this is awful
my poor ears
this is so half arsed
But WOAH at his face.
It's like the soundtrack to a pension savings advert - and the backing vocals are ridiculously out of tune!
he just looks like some guy that works in a bank
He looks so lost.
....than the obviously overtly CAMP stuff?!
This is so bad. And he's younger than me. How depressing.
there seems to be A LOT more flat singing across the board this year than usual....
DEAD NOTE! DEAD NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's my flat mates friend.
i'm uploading the second episode now. It's slowing my whole computer down. It's already failed once, hopefully it will do it this time.
Norway presenter interviewing Grahame Norton.
FITTEST PERSON ON TELEVISION SINCE AMY POND!
Celine Dion rejected this song - doesn't bode well...
rocking the Sandie Shaw barefoot look too - I reckon Morrissey will be voting for this
I reckon the monitoring must be off - that many singers can't be hitting bum notes
might go top 5
Bitch can wail.
System of a Down in disguise!!!
has Turkey discovered 1998?
It's like emo-eurobeat!!!
ANd robot costumes!!!!!
when the robot chick shed the robot outfit! YAYYY!
this is amazing
big in Albania?
in a totally gay way
good effort albania - and GOOD backing vocals for the 1st time tonight
if the singer was hot are a MASSIVE MAMMA she'd be in with a chance
Albania is Goldfrapp.
Like, it actually IS Goldfrapp right?
ooomf badooomf beats.
this is homodiscotastic
I didn't think there was enough electricity in Albania to power an electro-pop night! Doesn't the capital only have two hours of it a day?
where everything happens in the actual dark run off shitty generators....
Roughly same size as their volcano
I'm voting for Iceland. It's 90s-rave-tastic.
(Although I'm not really voting, that's too involved for me)
when the beat kicked in. :$
Now we're getting into the good stuff...
PS She looks like an ex-girlfriend of mine aged 25 years.
shame she's massive, don't know why, just is
this is the G.A.Y.est tune of the night
singer makes me want to vom though
that dress is NOT her colour
oh god, this could actually win
but maybe the spangly-white-jeaned eurohouse vote will be split
90s rave trowback!!!!!!!!
Can music transcend all else?
best performance of the night
take that Belgium
Must you kill to pass the time? MUST YOU?!
Ukraine entry is awful, probably the worst of the night
she was great
UKRANE MUST WIN
125 million viewers
hit every note
what more do you want?
Also, French girl = waaay hotter than Ukraine girl
My future wife...I will find her...
OM NOM NOM
Soca! dan les banlieu!
this will come near the bottom
I am beating myself right now in shame
I like the way the fire just now looked like it was coming from his behind at first.
plus, she is AMAZING
i want one
Don't think anything will beak Romania
REALLY, tying yourself down to sitting at a piano takes all the energy away
3 stinkers in a row
the guy playing bass isn't that bad
The humour does not travel well.
authentically russian then!
Loving the Telly Savalas - esque spoken part!!!
at least I hope it's tounge in cheek
but please fuck off now
biggest ratio of boring ballady ones to disco in ages
ukraine being rubbish typifies this
this is liek Dostoevsky meets Travis!!!
Was that a Chekov play?
"Twenty songs have been performed. There are five to be performed."
Just as the wife walks in to the living room. Typical
ridiculous ethnic interpretative dance in medieval outfit
i can forgive this for being another ballad.
I'm not even restricting this to Eurovision.
Am I hearing this right?
you don't need all that shit, it's just distracting from the cleavage
also, apricot stone? what the hell are you on about girl?
or whatever she is saying that sounds like apricot.
From Dostoyevsky to the Duchess of Malfi
shite song, cracking cleavage
Joss Stone meets Avril Lavigne meets the Sugababes
And weirdly good inspite of it?
singing like Alanis Morrisette
this is rubbish
She's just cute though. Especially her accent.
lahv lahv lahv
i think i've got some going back in to do
The weird thing is, he's sort of right.
Even the spanish effort was better than this!
and it begins with g and ends with y
Portugal song is zzzzzzzzzzzzz
While this appeals to my pervert side, my "I'm 23 and I feel old" side worries.
go out with 30 year olds
so I wouldn't worry about it
a song about nuclear proliferation?
we'd never know if it wasn't
My mind is having a mental tussle over whether I fancy Lena from Germany or the handsome clean cut Israeli boy more.
Now vote. 09015 22 22 24. I wanna see him when the results come through. And I won't if he's low down.
ANYWAY, I think Eurovisions should be themed. Everyone has six months to compose a song about, say, apricots, then BAM... PARTY.
No, wait. It's not.
Klingon meets the Eteteteth stuff from Fast Show
KACK ALAKCKA AKKAKAK LACKKH
Sting will sue
ripped off much?
Song's a massive ripoff, though. Lots of those this year.
worst voice of the night too
and his hair is weird
and they once again wasted a key change :(
Could not think of it .
BUT IT'S OVER NOW...
The wall gimmick pushed it over the top.
Julian Cope lookalike sings over muzak sample of The Prentenders' Brass In Pocket before turning into Abba
Don't care for the song or the voice. But wow.
09015 22 22 24 - VOTE, OKAY.
I thought of you during him. Looked like a mini Kaka.
...and what happened to the Dutch entry - I was looking forward to that one!
my money is on Greece.
in no particular order
Best Songs: Albania, Greece, Turkey (Iceland a close 4th)
Best performances: Armenia, Russia, Moldova
Hottest girlz: Germany, France, Moldova
Prediction to win: Turkey
Nil points: Portugal, UK
my mind has now officially been blown
There is someone in the crowd right now with shards of microwave lodged in their face.
it had the best groove to it
come on you eastern european fucks
I've no idea what will win. I'm baffled as to why the Norwegian guy was so obscenely popular last year.
turkey looks most amusing. they'll win.
Back in an hour for the big finish, kbye. Thanks for the lulz.
you should adopt his look
i think you could pull off the same sort of cleavage tricks as Ireland's entry :p
I'm sorry, everyone.
I have a bit of a soft spot for the cybergoth moldovan though
and she didn't have Bjork-accent
I'd go for the German girl. As long as she has a vaguely normal speaking voice, of course.
Purely in terms of looks, Romania, Moldova, Armenia and Azerbaijan were all hotter.
about the "Budapest/Prishtina/Lisbon/London Calling" bit and seeing every European country's equivalent of Fearne Cotton.
I vaguely remember something really funny happening when they were collecting the results last year, but I can't remember what. Can anyone help me out?
nice one spain!
random shit in the UK.
the best filler I have ever seen on eurovision
changed my mind about europe, it's not rubbish, it's awesome
genuinely loved that
this isn't the 1950s
i don't care where.
it's all amazing.
Europe is basically the best thing ever.
SO MUCH WIN
that flashmob thing has basically done exactly what Eurovision is supposed to do - foster European togetherness and all that.
they were rubbish!
Denmark was THE best! Gonna dl the song
are you shitting me?
all the european togetherness is about to be blown out of the water when Denmark & Belgium win and we realise that europe has cloth ears
Blind too. Morons. I'm back to wanting to learn Japanese. Pretty people always win in Japan.
sounds like the title of a novel, or at least the name of a pretentious indie band
he was pretty bad, but surely the pretty compensates? Is this the jury thing? Bastards.
but it doesn't matter because I now love europe. Pretty cool
Turkey's doing pretty well so far
Typical - a below performance and they still win. A bad portent for the summer...
but why is denmark going to win?
And I'm not just talking about Oksana. But her too.
That is a bloke - seriously.
REYKJAVIK CALLING INSTANT BONER OMGGGGG
I now want Turkey to rally in the second half of the voting.
EXTRA LENA INSTEAD OF ADVERTS!!!!! I <3 YOU TOO LENA!!!!!!!!!!!
ANYONE WANNA COME TO GERMANY NEXT YEAR.
I <3 EUROPE
Oh. There'll have been worse winners.
and I'm not impressed
but seeing as i don't have a cock i'm not sure if my opinion on this matters?
cock or no cock
Never seen so much scary hair and loud clothes
Useless fucking Malta.
from his last fag break, and knows all of these various cunts are standing between him and his next one
7 points, awwww. :'(
O MOTHER MAY I
"Hallo, welcome to this airport, you are wonderful."
GOING NEXT YEAR
GOING TO MARRY NORWEIGAN ANNOUNCER
IS LENA REALLY A VIRGIN
I LOVE EUROVISION
DOUZE POINTS POUR L'ALLEMANGNE
<3 <3 <3
i am also completely sober
Europe is amazing.
ey ey ey ey LOLZZZZZ NON
of course they course just be saying boo-urns
See. UK: People of taste.
O! wha's occurin' Europe!
Finland, Slovakia, Norway and Belarus. The UK and Cyprus just about pass. And a couple of others I can't remember.
The Netherlands! YES! Great people.
"So that's for Germany then? This is so predictable."
isreali guy sounds like dale winton
THE BIG MOTHER OF RUSSIA"
"they have a wall"
i want to give him a big hu-OHELLO SWEDEN VOTEY BOY
Well deserved too
he entered the contest and came 3rd in the Swede finals with 'Manboy'
It's so wonderfully camp. Much better than the song Sweden did send.
it has a wall.... i think
some of these lines have been legendary
But I can at least form entirely unfair perceptions of countries based on whether or not they gave points for Israel.
I FUCKING LOVE EUROPE!
WHO WANTS TO GO TO NEXT YEAR!!!!
OH MAN I AM ACTUALLY RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY THAT FLASHMOB THING MADE ME ACTUALLY LOVE EUROPE AND EUROVISION RATHER THAN JUST LOLLING AT IT
OH MAN SHE'S ONLY 19
In search of European types.
anything you'd like to say to them?'
I like her again now.
NIGHT NIGHT, DiS. I LOVE YOU ALL.
how much i love european co-operation
how much lena is my dream girl
how actually awesome lena's song was
how i'm going to figure out how to go to germany next year despite having finals
FUCK YEAH, INEDIBLE
best eurovision since Lordi
I think the best song won. And Europe's voting in general was pretty sound - crappy ballads were shunned and all my favourite ones - Ukraine, Romania, Germany, Greece, Russia - did pretty well. The UK failed, which is pleasing.
The best song won. Lena is adorable. I like Europe.
would love to shag her tho
fuck revision :'(
is the worst human being on the planet.
and don't go firing off your sweary words at me!
You cunting shitflaps
ye shitty cuntflap
WHY IS IT SO GREAT AND CATCHY AND GREAT AND BRILLIANT.