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Leave to stand for one minute before eating.
The leaflet that comes with over-the-counter medicines.
I find just not falling it works fine.
at Wisley Gardens. Fuck that, it's the best bit.
when "they" are trying to connect me.
Risk of death
*various seatbelt clicking noises*
*Know-it-all Dad type stands up and starts preparing to be the FIRST OFF THE PLANE*
Mark alongside those who turn their phones on at this point too.
They seem pretty insincere to me.
It annoys me SO MUCH when people do this.
I mean, if someone else gets out before me because they had a quicker seatbelt finger, then sure, they're absolute fuckers. But otherwise, what exactly is the big deal? It's not like them standing up is going to cause the plane to fall out of the sky — even if it were still actually in the sky.
"Please ensure your seat is upright during take-off and landing"
who all recline their seats to the same level so that they're flouting the rules, but it's difficult for the air stewardesses to spot them.
i don't think i've ever met anyone that uses numbered measurements to make pancakes
I used Delia's recipe and they were the best pancakes I've ever made.
i hope the new one doesn't ruin the old one.
You're a fool if you dare!
Stay away from that trap door!
'Cause there's something down there...
"oh i wonder why?"
Surely the most ignored instruction ever?
don’t drink and sleep on the scree,
hang back clergy on a clifftop,
don’t let your children run free.
she's pretty hot
I know I am
she'd have a fit.
Don’t stick your hand in the blender.
Don’t use the hairdryer while you’re in the bath.
Unplug the electric saw before you try to fix it.
Don’t point the crossbow at your friends.
Don’t trim your toenails with a carving knife.
Don’t climb inside old freezers at the junkyard.
Don’t put your nephew in the microwave.
Don’t summon demons with the ouija board.
Don’t try to make new holes in your belt while you are still wearing it.
Don’t try to swim to the island.
Don’t throw darts at people.
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee.
Don’t climb on the roof.
Don’t throw stones at me to try to attract my attention.
Don’t shut your eyes while you’re driving.
Don’t drink the grey wine.
Don’t swallow pills that you find in the street.
Don’t stab people with old syringes.
Don’t make your own fireworks.
Don’t drop slabs from motorway bridges.
Don’t take the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Don’t throw grit at the driver.
Don’t make your own flame thrower.
Stay out of the chemistry labs when the supervisor is absent.
Don’t throw ammunition on the campfire.
Don’t play games with poisonous snakes.
Don’t eat glass.
Don’t smoke in the refueling depot.
Be careful with the nail-gun, and the air rifle, and circular saw.
Don’t glue razorblades onto things.
Don’t pick fights with known psychopaths.
Don’t touch the hot plate.
Don’t hang-glide over the volcano.
Don’t lean out the window while the bullet train is in motion.
Don’t put old car batteries in the furnace.
Don’t play chicken.
Don’t fly a kite beneath the electricity pylons.
Don’t be dared to do dangerous things by people with missing limbs.
Don’t make roadblocks on the bobsleigh run.
Don’t pretend to be a doctor.
Don’t tamper with the braking system.
Don’t shout at old people.
Don’t liberate zoo animals.
Don’t use the lawnmower to trim the hedge.
Don’t give bayonets to children.
Don’t hide the fire extinguisher.
Don’t run in the hospital.
Don’t stick metal coathangers in the toaster while it’s still on.
Don’t buy bomb making equipment.
Don’t slash my tyres while i’m driving.
Don’t play war in the electricity sub-station.
Don’t stage mock executions.
Stay away from the ski jump and the cable car and the funicular railway.
Don’t volunteer for the drugs testing.
Don’t go in hot air balloons.
Don’t press the red buttons.
Obey the stop signs, and the no entry sign, and the speed limit.
Don’t jump over the barriers.
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee.
Don’t try to perform surgery on yourself.
Don’t stick kebab skewers up your nose.
Don’t join the army.
Keep your hands off the gas tap and the welding equipment and the railway signals.
Don’t break into peoples houses and climb up their chimneys.
Don’t park in the fast lane.
Don’t steal police cars.
Don’t pretend to be an acupuncturist or a pilot or a back specialist.
Don’t try to grow biological weapons.
Wash your hands after using pesticides and attempting to grow biological weapons.
And above all, don’t eat scorpions.
do a patch test on hairdye(Suedehead)
preheat ovens (what difference does it make?)
boil water and then add the pasta/whatever (Reel around the fountain)
follow all use by dates (How soon is now?)
check food is piping hot throughout before serving (Still ill)
try mixing with raisins to create a delicious fruity snack (Meat is murder)
Though I'm always massively tempted to start doing this to see how impatient everyone will be
this one pissed me off no end. there you stood, tea towel protecting your hand as you tried to put the plate on the table. Customer reaches out to take it off you, you try to tell them its hot. they ignore you with some kind of sense that your just being silly. you try to stress the point. they continue to insist on taking it from you. they burn themselves, and look at you like a murderer.