Seeing the Match thread reminded me of perhaps the worst girl related experience of my life, which occurred some years ago. I thought I'd share.
I had been single for around five months, and friends had grown concerned that my general apathy about women was reaching a sorry state. They decided they'd stick my photo up, and a brief bio (which wasn't as piss-takey as I'd expected), and told me once there'd been some interested clickers/people messaging me.
I scoffed at this initially and called them all bastards, but obviously HAD to go and see who had messaged, as you would (right?), and one of them appeared to be nice. When I say nice I mean the personality bit was a bit uninspiring but she'd been top 3 or something in the FHM High Street Honey 2003 (i think) competition. You'd have thought I'd have guessed something was awry that a girl like that was contacting me, but blind optimism was keeping me bouyant.
So, I booked a restaurant in Thackeray's, which is undeniably the best eatin' in Tunbridge Wells, dressed as sharp as a pointy lemon and went and sat in the bar, talking to my friend who was working behind it.
He was sceptical, assuring me that I was about to be horrifically dissappointed. I started to worry a bit, but thought 'she couldn't look *that* different to her photo, right?'
She walks in, and the whole bar turns around to look - she's gorgeous, and in a VERY tight dress and even my friend mutters 'you utter c*nt under his breath'
And just as I'm thinking 'I wonder why she *is* single, then', she looks around the restaurant area, and bellows over everyone to me, waving, with an incredibly low voice (think pikey barry white) and says:
FACKIN 'ELL, THEY GOT BREADSTICKS IN 'ERE THIS PLACE IS FACKING POSH!!!!!!
Things went downhill from there. At one point during the meal a family sat down next to our table, and a small child was singing quietly to themselves. She suddenly turned to stare at the kid until it caught her eye and said I FACKIN 'ATE KIDS. He looked crestfallen, the dad and I had to talk it out while she was in the loo (he found it hilarious, after I'd explained).
The date just got worse and worse, the booming voice started to tell me about "'atin ragheads but not blacks, they've got alright lately." I got a 20 minute lecture on the Big Brother low down, and upon asking me my music tastes, *before* I'd said anything, said "it had better not be any faggoty stuff with guitars or drums."
As you can imagine, this was one faggot who didn't call her again.