After last year's FA Cup final (at which I got so drunk I inadvertedly exposed myself while celebrating the winning goal and was asked to leave a Wetherspoons for climbing on the bar and singing 'In Your Liverpool Slums'), I somehow managed to come home with a two-foot long chorizo sausage thing that I threw at a copper. Granted, I knew the copper so it wasn't too rowdy. I once also bought a Cliff Richard christmas album and gave it to an old lady.