Here's a template for later:

Title - The Wacky World of Me and my hilarious drinking/almost, almost, almost shagging world where I almost shag and get MEGADRUNK

Yo [insert perjorative name for collective e.g. suckers]

I got absolutely [insert slang word for drunk e.g. basined] last night. Must have had at least [insert nominally low number e.g. 5] [insert name of piss weak, flavourless lager e.g. Coors]. I was well pissed. It was hilarious!

Anyway, to cut a long story short and to get to the real reason of this thoroughly crazy posting I managed to feel the boob of an [insert 'quirky' defining personality trait e.g. fey] [insert European nationality e.g. Slovakian] female whilst brushing past on the way to vom up my lily guts. It was SWEET! AND her mate liked [insert name of ubiquitously liked alt-rock group e.g. Nickelback]. WOW!

What should I do [insert second perjorative name for collective e.g. chums]? [List options e.g. call her boob/thinking about touching other boobs/crack one off/open a Coors]. Counsel me!

Haha! Bet you're all thinking 'bus stop'.

Yours

WF

PS - Did I mention I have loads and loads of friends?