1) It's accepted that sitcoms may contain a laughter track. I propose that dramas should also include audience reactions - booing a villain, yelling "phwoar!" when Anna Friel gets 'em out and most importantly, the howls of derision at idiot plots. The likes of Heroes, Spooks and every single drama ever broadcast on ITV in the last few years would benefit from this. Or at least, society would.
2) Oyster card readers at bus stops. You place your card there when you get to the bus stop and if the bus arrives after the alloted time ("every 10-12 minutes my FUCKING arse") then you get to travel at a discount or for free.
3) The standards we apply to politicians should be ruthlessly applied to ourselves.
4) Four day week.
5) Legalise it.
6) Professing a belief in God, homoeopathic remedies and other new-age crap will be a bar to political office. Cabinet ministers should be required to demonstrate proficiency in their area. The days of ministers with doctorates in obscure historical episodes suddenly taking control of the nation's hospitals will be ovah, I say, ovah.
7) Newspapers will be peer reviewed. Columnists subsequently found to have been disingenuous and/or fucking liars will be made to stand under one of those railway bridges that pigeons like to use as a toilet for ONE WEEK. Upon taking office, I will have Melanie Phillips taken to an apparatus specially constructed in Trafalgar Square and hung by her neck until dead as a warning to others against being a fucking retard. Liz Jones will be left alone to rot in her country purgatory as a morality tale for the nation's youth against the same.
8) The content of the BBC's television output will be carefully modified to reflect my personal interests. You'll all be a lot better off, trust me.
9) National anthems and flags are a pointless holdover from the outmoded 19th century nation-state conventions. They will be eliminated. As will the coat of arms on British passports, the Three Lions and any and sundry other ridiculous brandings.
10) Luton will be destroyed over a period of years using surplus military ordinance.
So says me.