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How do I go about recruiting followers to what I hope will become a thriving cult?
Most religions offer some form of life after death. With some you can multiple wives, others you can engage in Holy Wars and Fatwas. Why should I choose yours?
I will be just and wise, and host weekly drunken pool parties as worship.
It fits in nicely with our worship of Pan (pbuh).
they're really impressionable and they don't have much family
Our enemy is The Army Of The Salient Possum, a radical splinter faction devoted to mastery of the dark arts. The possum was once one of Pan's most favoured creatures, but evolution gave it a moustache, meaning it soon turned to the dark side of the Force and recruited a legion of followers (this happened in late 1993). They are the reason you're overdrawn at the bank and/or can't get laid. The reason for everything bad. Their followers, or "Possumites" can be identified by reacting to the above information with the phrase "That's the stupidest thing I've ever read."
I'm working on some commandments.
I've already opted for Pastafarianism.
about something and declaring everyone is doomed if they don't give you tree-fiddy.
Or risk looking like even more of an utter cunt.