For anyone in any doubt that Metro is anything other than the Daily Mail Lite (well, they are from the same company after all), I bring you: Loud Bass music 'killed student'.

What actually happened, according to the story: "The straight-As*** student was killed by sudded arrythmic death syndrome (SADS), a heart disorder which kills twelve young people a week. Cardiac experts said the bass could have triggered SADS if Mr Reid had underlying, yet unknown, genetic problems."

Breaking front page story on the morning of one of the most significant pre-budget reports in recent times? Not at all. Not least because it happened on September 27th.

But why let that get in the way of the opportunity for a bullshit front page headline? Let's run with:

"Loud bass music 'killed student'"

with the non-story squeezed in next to a couple of pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker rearranging her dress on a night out.

***Note the totally irrellevant use of "straight-A's student" as a descriptor. Just so we know that it wasn't some waster/chavscum that we should be pleased to be rid of. This was a "straight-A's student". Probably white, middle-class, rugby-playing, and from the home counties, too. But who can say? For Metro to print a list of other 'approvable' stats about him would probably expose their bollocks agenda even more than they already have done. 'Neutral newspaper' my arse.

http://e-edition.metro.co.uk/2009/12/09/ (enter a made up email address, or editorial.enquiries@ukmetro.co.uk, to view)