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and a girl told me my hair smelled of salad cream.
i said "i'll take that as a condiment"
did she walk away after or did she tell you your nose looked like an onion?
"at least I don't have a face like a fisted babybel"? Because that would have been childish.
should i tell another?
how do you cook a female monkey?
10 Yard penanlty, replay first down.
then changed it back because it wasn't funny enough.
and I said; "I'd like to buy a watch please"
"No no, just the watch, thanks".
Ah, go on then...
I was in a club and saw a guy chatting up a cheetah. I thought 'Hmmm...he's trying to pull a fast one'.
he had a really shit hand
Because he has one gammy hand. Silly!
He once autographed my chest at gourock highland games when we were all blitzed- using his gimp hand. It was all very odd.
On the other hand, it's quite big.
Looking down at the ol' puppies while he was scribbling away must have felt like having a temporary boob job, no?
it was a bit of a lopsided illusion.
The bad dreams are going to come back tonight, aren't they?
loves his rapid-fire one liners and highly contrived puns.
So I went to Buckingham Palace to cut Prince William's hair. I said to the policeman, 'Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?' The policeman said 'Have you got a permit?' - I said, 'No, just a bit off the back'.
how could anyone stoop so low?
remains to be seen
Course I can!
For cyring out loud.
Seems I'm rubbish at telling jokes when I type them as well :(
If it's any consolation, what you just did there made me laugh more than the joke itself (in it's proper un-fucked'up form) would have!
but it is funny to imagine that your pants just fell down and a pigeon flew over and shat on your head, to the sound of canned studio laughter, just as you were done typing that :-D
My awful joke telling is where most of my charm comes from.