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A philosophical question about when you fancy someone but they don't fancy you back.

RockNRollMassacre [Edit] [Delete] 68 replies 19:50, 11 September '09

I have fancied many people in my time who haven't fancied me back, and yet I have never been fancied by somebody I don't fancy.

Is this part of being male? Do I personally just have low standards? Am I too ugly? Has anyone else experienced this phenomena?

Stories, opinions, comments and i suppose, insults are all welcome.

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  • or at least, i've never been fancied by someone i don't fancy

    *as far as I'm aware*...

    RockNRollMassacre | 11 Sep '09, 19:51 | X
    • later on you might find out thaT there have been people that have fancied you

      and you just havnt noticed

      creakyknees @RockNRollMassacre | 11 Sep '09, 20:56 | X
      • Apparently just before me and mrs knees settled down for good, there were two of my female freinds who had been

        dropping hints all over the place and trying, but i had totally missed them all.
        One was hot, the other not

        creakyknees @creakyknees | 11 Sep '09, 21:08 | X
  • Other people have standards

    some of the girls you have posted pics of are decidely...average.

    fullerov | 11 Sep '09, 19:52 | X
  • I often think this

    but most of the people I fancy dont find out I fancy them so the reverse must be true. I hope.

    whacksiddy | 11 Sep '09, 19:53 | X
    • Also you might not notice that someone fancies you

      because you dont fancy them. You see them as being 'a friend' when secretly they have a desperate and soul-destroying crush on you.

      whacksiddy @whacksiddy | 11 Sep '09, 19:55 | X
      • ^ girls, unlike guys

        are pretty good at hiding feelings. Through shyness or otherwise. It also doesn't help that most men have the emotional sensitivity of your average spade. I include myself in that generalisation.

        lemonbrickcombo @whacksiddy | 11 Sep '09, 20:01 | X
        • i'm so much better at understanding emotions in books/songs/art

          than real life

          :'(

          RockNRollMassacre @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:03 | X
        • I'm tiring of this stereotype

          this may be true for you but I've been much more aware of people's feelings than any girl I know

          countzero @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:10 | X
          • I'm talking specifically here

            Men find it really difficult to work out that a girl likes or dislikes them until her hand is fumbling with your fly/giving you a five fingered broadside to the cheek.

            lemonbrickcombo @countzero | 11 Sep '09, 20:29 | X
            • oooh

              still..even then they may not even like you.

              could be making someone else jealous/being bored etc.

              countzero @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:34 | X
              • Ok, you're proving me wrong

                lemonbrickcombo @countzero | 11 Sep '09, 20:36 | X
                • I've compared notes mofo

                  srsly!

                  countzero @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:42 | X
                • look at the numbers of butt ugly thugs

                  surrounded by honeyz...

                  men want sex from women.
                  women want a number of things from men...not all of it sexual attraction

                  countzero @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:45 | X
            • from what I've gathered

              although guys alwasys think with their nobs and would eventually go for any welcoming hole, girls are good at using sex for other purposes and find it easier to be intimate with people they have no interest in.

              countzero @lemonbrickcombo | 11 Sep '09, 20:41 | X
  • I'm fucking hideous

    and even I've been fancied by people I don't fancy. Some of them not even that bad looking themselves. Well, not on the parts I could see anyway.

    There was that girl and my sixth form who got hit by a car and went a bit funny after. She found out my address and sent me really weird poetry and carried round a scrapbook with pictures of me (that she'd taken of me without me knowing) and Rowan Atkinson in it. I'm pretty sure she's going to try and kill me at some point.

    DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 19:54 | X
    • hideous...

      doth protest too much

      fullerov @DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 19:56 | X
      • Seriously

        I'm quite scared now. I'd forgotten all about this mad girl. She's definitely going to harvest my genitals, isn't she?

        DanielKelly @fullerov | 11 Sep '09, 19:57 | X
        • nah

          they never actually do. Some girl from college recognised me at a bar last year, and was quite enthused with the prospect of me giving her a call at some point, practically forcing me to take her number and then call her so she had mine.

          I deftly batted away any scenario which could have led her to believe I would return to her house that night, and continued on with my night.

          Something kept nagging me about her, and as I was fairly sure I had never really known her I discounted it.

          I then remembered that she was the girl who was sectioned in college and who had allegedly escaped from a hospital in college.

          Thankfully she never called me.

          fullerov @DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 20:04 | X
          • She's probably watching your right now

            I bet she's got a jar full of formaldehyde with your willy's name on it, just waiting.

            DanielKelly @fullerov | 11 Sep '09, 20:07 | X
  • Maybe you just fancy people that fancy you

    because it increases your chances of poontang. Waste of energy having the hots for someone who'll never do you.

    DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 19:59 | X
    countzero this'd this
    • -100 points for the use of poontang

      GalacticStar3ruption @DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 20:07 | X
      • -1,000,000 points

        for being in a thread discussing the finer points of male/female interaction

        DanielKelly @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 20:10 | X
        doodthatkicksarse this'd this
        • you cut me deep

          I'm going to go and have a little cry now, hope you're happy with yourself.

          I must say that I've recently thought of something on that front, the realisation that it's actually not girls themselves I'm awkward with, just certain people whether they're guys or girls. Some people are easy to talk to, some aren't, no biggy.

          GalacticStar3ruption @DanielKelly | 11 Sep '09, 20:32 | X
          • get off the internet

            Tillance @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 20:36 | X
            doodthatkicksarse this'd this
          • See here's your problem Star

            the people who are easy to talk to, you don't stand a michael of a chance with

            What you really need to do is ferret out the girl in your social group who normally doesn't say anything and has mousey hair and front teeth she's very self-conscious about and goes off and pretends she's on the mobile phone rather than be in a one-on-one situation with a bloke. You need to ply this girl with attention. At first this will be difficult because she doesn't fancy you but that will hardly matter, her opinion of herself is lower even than yours of yourself. Simulate interest in her extensive DVD collection of mediocre sitcoms and pictures of horses, don't call her for a week, then get her pissed, awkwardly bump teeth together at an after work do, then take her home for 2-9 minutes of the old in out. Don't worry if she cries before, during or after, that is entirely normal behaviour.

            Then get onto DiS and make a thread about it.

            Parsefone @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 20:47 | X
            • Oi

              PocketMouse is mine.

              Zapsta @Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 20:52 | X
              • Been there

                wrecked that

                Parsefone @Zapsta | 11 Sep '09, 20:54 | X
                • It's like every thrust was a spear through my heart

                  Zapsta @Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 20:57 | X
                  • you felt two and a half jabs in your chest?

                    you should see your GP about that

                    Parsefone @Zapsta | 11 Sep '09, 21:00 | X
                    • stop stabbing him with your penis

                      countzero @Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 21:01 | X
                      • I thoroughly enjoyed the above exchange

                        cheers, guys.

                        lemonbrickcombo @countzero | 11 Sep '09, 21:11 | X
            • Haha, I really don't need to do that

              considering my apparent ineptitude with the female of our species I've attracted a few (not loads, admittedly) good looking girls in my time, most of them were pretty "normal" socially capable girls as well. My problem is that I don't take opportunities very well (or notice when they appear), I simply refuse to sleep with anyone until I find that special person and I hardly meet any new people at all these days.

              All I needed was to go to university, that would've sorted me out.

              GalacticStar3ruption @Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 21:05 | X
              • See here's your problem Star

                you're an idiot.

                Parsefone @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 21:08 | X
                • And you're clearly a cunt

                  can we be friends?

                  GalacticStar3ruption @Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 21:11 | X
              • treat meeting the girl as meeting a bloke

                just with added sex...

                if they don't to talk to you then they're are cunt whether they are a girl or guy- no difference.

                You can still get into the pants of one of these girls if you get them drunk enough or all other possibilities are gone..she's still gonna be a cunt. This is called hatefucking sir.

                Men and women are judging you on the same basis if they want to talk to you:

                women think "are you fuckable"
                men think "is this guy going to make me look good so other women think i'm fuckable"

                So stick to what you're doing because there is a minority that don't think like that; they are called nice people.

                It's not a 'girl' thing. it's a case of nice people vs cunts

                countzero @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 21:12 | X
                • oh, don't worry I won't change my nice guy attitude towards girls, I can't be someone I'm not

                  it can be very frustrating at times but there's no way I'd be able to live with myself if I decided to act like a cunt in this way. There are girls out there who appreciate my "niceness", there was one example of this quite recently, so that helps me stay the way I am. It may be taking me a long time but when I find the right girl (who likes me in return) it will be amazing.

                  I'll have to stop there because otherwise this could possibly descend into me talking about romantic feelings and love which I'm not going to do :)

                  GalacticStar3ruption @countzero | 11 Sep '09, 21:51 | X
      • I love how every GS3 reply just results in a thread derailment

        good show

        wewerewerewolvesonce @GalacticStar3ruption | 11 Sep '09, 21:02 | X
  • I dunno

    I've never approached anyone in my life so I don't know what someone thinks until they've told me.

    I've rejected offers not because they were ugly...but just knew it wasn't a good idea compatibility wise....there was one that was fucking munting though..but that's it.

    I don't think every male goes through what you do. But most do

    countzero | 11 Sep '09, 20:02 | X
  • Its generally a male thing...

    Ive had a few girls fancy me without me fancying them, but as soon as i find out it often seems like a good idea. Theres been many more Ive fancied with no return.

    idle65 | 11 Sep '09, 20:04 | X
  • Does

    sort of knowing but not acting upon it because you're a fucking moron count?

    It should.

    Parsefone | 11 Sep '09, 20:25 | X
  • I can't fancy anyone who fancies me

    even if i REALLY fancy them, as soon as they say they fancy me they go so far down in my esteem that i stop fancying them.
    this is why i'm doomed to be alone.

    Tillance | 11 Sep '09, 20:34 | X
    Scout this'd this
    • Maybe you're scared of being loved...

      whacksiddy @Tillance | 11 Sep '09, 20:36 | X
      • i think it's more of a self-esteem issue

        i don't know why anyone would fancy me, so i presume there's something wrong with them if they do. or something. idk.

        Tillance @whacksiddy | 11 Sep '09, 20:40 | X
        • The advice I got in my self-esteem thread

          was to stop caring so much about what other people think

          whacksiddy @Tillance | 11 Sep '09, 20:44 | X
          • That's like telling someone to stop giving into the whims of gravity

            Ignore those fuckers; they know not what they say.

            Zapsta @whacksiddy | 11 Sep '09, 20:49 | X
            countzero this'd this
        • I can understand this

          except I'll end up going out with them anyway, and then spend every day questioning whether they actually fancy me or not.

          It's a good life.

          wewerewerewolvesonce @Tillance | 11 Sep '09, 21:00 | X
        • I think self-esteem has a lot to do with it

          in the sense that, if you've not got much of it, it can be confusing when someone you're indifferent to tells you that they fancy you. You end up thinking "I'd better go for this, because it's not like I'll ever get another offer". And then it gets tricky.

          romanisbetter @Tillance | 12 Sep '09, 03:41 | X
          countzero this'd this
        • I'm exactly the same, it's the Groucho Marx thing...

          "I sent the club a wire saying PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION, I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"

          Scout @Tillance | 12 Sep '09, 05:25 | X
          • That quote

            tells the story of my life.

            julian_in_public @Scout | 12 Sep '09, 05:34 | X
            • yep, me too.

              Groucho was a sage. I <3 Groucho.

              Scout @julian_in_public | 12 Sep '09, 05:44 | X
    • knock it off already

      manbearpig @Tillance | 11 Sep '09, 21:19 | X
  • Maybe the girls are all too worried about scaring you

    There are some men who you imagine that, if you expressed an interest in them that they didn't reciprocate, rather than simply explaining politely their lack of interest, would run out of the room and never speak to you again. Maybe you're giving out that vibe?

    I don't know. I think quite a few people have fancied me that I've not fancied back, and I'm no supermodel.

    ring_tailed_lemur | 11 Sep '09, 20:52 | X
  • no.

    case in point: the last guy. you know everything etc

    walkingwithwolves | 11 Sep '09, 21:05 | X
    • what? he fancied me and didn't tell me?! SHIT!

      RockNRollMassacre @walkingwithwolves | 11 Sep '09, 22:03 | X
  • i've never had anyone be all "i fancy you" when i didn't, if that's what you're getting at

    statistically i'm sure there must've been someone though. shame really if so cause they'd probably have stood a decent chance

    brusma | 11 Sep '09, 21:16 | X
  • There have been a few instances when I fancied someone and they haven't fancied me back,

    but not a soul-crushing amount. Imagine constantly telling people you fancy them and getting shot down each time? Horrible. I'm aware of more instances when someone fancied me and I didn't fancy them back.

    I think a worse thing is when you fancy someone and they fancy you back but you can't do anything about it because they're in a relationship/you're in a relationship they/you don't want to give up on, or because of a multitude of other things, such as friend dynamics or business with their exes, so you're both forced into the Just Good Friends area when you both want to be all over each other, and every time you hang out or meet up there's all this tension and you want to kill the world.

    poptimusgrime | 11 Sep '09, 21:31 | X
    building_downtown and TheSoundofBastards this'd this
  • r u out 2nite?

    wrightylew | 11 Sep '09, 21:33 | X
    • no. i've got work and nobody ever thinks to invite me when i'm out in the countryside

      and bad company anyway :D

      RockNRollMassacre @wrightylew | 11 Sep '09, 22:04 | X
  • I'll tell you what's a nightmare

    When you fancy someone, but they're not interested, and you get over it, then some time later they change their mind, confess their true feelings for you, and suddenly they reckon you've got some kind of obligation to them because of some trivial teenage emotions you harboured six months earlier. I couldn't help feeling a bit heartless about the whole thing, but seriously, she was completely nuts.

    romanisbetter | 12 Sep '09, 03:46 | X
    • my opinion is that love is shite so dont bother

      marilyninthesky @romanisbetter | 12 Sep '09, 04:24 | X
      • seriosuly what is the point

        none! dont waste your time

        marilyninthesky @marilyninthesky | 12 Sep '09, 04:25 | X
        • love shites on you and leaves clagnuts

          not like yummy chessnuts like clagnuts that stick to the anus

          marilyninthesky @marilyninthesky | 12 Sep '09, 04:26 | X
          • but this is in a good way

            go for it

            marilyninthesky @marilyninthesky | 12 Sep '09, 04:32 | X
          • googled clagnuts

            you filthy minge.

            oh god

            countzero @marilyninthesky | 12 Sep '09, 05:29 | X
            ALAN_MCGEE_WEE_MAN this'd this
  • Get used to it, it doesn't get any better.

    Life sucks.

    deadonthestairs | 12 Sep '09, 05:59 | X
  • Everyone fancies me, though

    icouldwinarabbit | 12 Sep '09, 19:23 | X
  • Or you can use and abuse them

    breaking their will, eventually making them your emotion slave.

    whacksiddy @wishpig | 12 Sep '09, 19:43 | X
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