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Date wet herself whilst they were in bed together!!!!
You can do better then that.
However I have just realised that there appears to be a question mark missing...im dumb :-(
have any experiencecs to share
as the sign mounted on a human skeleton clearly states
then spill the fucking beans.
come on you have to share!!!!!!!!!!!! we will promise a code of silence on hearing your stories
they were both too drunk to even stay on the bed and kept falling off onto the floor... she said he started making Yaahoo noises and slapping her arse. She says this is the worst experience she has ever had.
was that "friend" you by any chance????
click on the last post or post you want to reply after - there is a wee '^this' option or 'reply'
and started slamming the skin down to the point i thought it'd break. Sorry this is all i have to offer
All girls do that. 'Cause most men are too polite to instruct them on how to wank them off in a non-torture kind of way.
some are gentle its only the hyper ones
i find it gets worse after they've had a few drinks...as if 10 bacardi breezers gives girls a licence to handle your dick like a joystick.
If I were Theo, I'd copy and paste the whole secret blog now. But I'm not.
Grammar errors are going unpunished, jokes aren't having to be broken down and explained step by step, po-facedness is nearing record lows...it's the Wild West out there.
All these stories will end up coming out of the mouths of some talking head on an E4 list show. You've all been warned.
Find the C thread into a TV show to fill the 3 months of programming previously taken up by Big Brother.
Not having sex for a long time :(
Serves you right for being a big cheater tho
Not being rude is saying 'sorry, you're very sweet but I have a girlfriend' and maybe giving her a biscuit.
I don't understand what this means :(
and I've told it on here before AND it's long. It involves dragging a drunk/stoned puking Korean girl round a war memorial during the day whilst tourist meandered around us. Impossible to get anything out of her like where she lived so I was stuck with her for hours, cabs wouldn't take us anyway as she was covered in vom, I let her keep my jumper.
even the clumsier moments were pretty funny. you just have to laugh it off
I thought it was well funny though
other than that, worst sex was definitely with a guy who was on speed, and i ended up with bitemarks all over my face.
oh and this one other time i *nearly* started crying. yes.
can you bring the good old days back
and ended with a cut in a very sensitive area
A girl cooked me a valentines dinner. However that night she was baby sitting at her neighbour's house - so her plan was we would have the place to ourselves rather than at her house, with her parents there.
When I got there she had already consumed too much red wine for her own good. She just about managed to serve dinner and we ate. She continued to throw back the wine. After dinner she pulled me onto the sofa, eyes rolling back in her head with her legs spread fumbling at my trousers. I explained that I didn't think any sexing was a good idea considering her intoxicated state. Eventually she passed out.
I went and tidied the kitchen and tried to sort the place out a bit as it wasn't even her house. Then I heard retching coming from the sofa. By the time I got to her she was puking down the side of her face onto the cushions that belonged to people I had never met and could be back at any time. I got her to her feet so I could walk/drag her to the bathroom. Two steps up the staircase she projectile vommed red winey spaghetti bolognaise all up the cream carpet on the stairs and all over the walls. I got her into the bathroom and she hugged the toilet for a while.
Then my Dad turns up to pick me up. I run out to the car and ask if he can come and HELP ME! My Dad's ace and helped me scoop/scrub up all the puke. By the time we'd finished...about an hour later, you couldn't tell what had happened. Me and my Dad were drenched in sweat from the exertion of it all.
I put the girl to bed and we left.
I did not see her again.
in all this time that never occurred to me. fucks sake.
I think bailing and watching the chaos unfold from the bushes outside would have been the more hilarious option tho.
But very gentlemanly
Chivalry to the power of 10
her parents were utter cunts and if I had left her to it she would've got such a hard time.
... the British suburban adaptation of this:
I can't think of much worse than vomming up spaghetti...
You normally need to yank long strings of the stuff out of your throat. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, nice.