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of people who leave floaters in the toilet
They're fucknuts. Simple as that.
One day science will discover the medical basis behind fucknutism.
Also, this is as good a place as any to tell this story:
Once upon a time (yesterday afternoon), I was in the field somewhere in the Isle of Dogs when I needed a slash. I ducked into the disabled toilet because it was closest and because they always have massive mirrors next to the seat so you can watch yourself as you have a dump.
I lifted the seat up, got my cock out and watched, grimly fascinated, as a dribble of blood appeared from underneath one of the rubber cushioning devices fixed to the underside of the seat. I had no idea how it came to be there, or how it could have managed to remain sealed under the rubber without anyone finding it and cleaning it, or whether originally there had been more blood and this was all that remained... all I knew was: Blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, and a bit of piss flowed, and kept flowing until I finished my piss, put the seat down and ran away.
This is what bankers do when we're not watching them.
Only yesterday I returned home from work to find the shit I had deposited AND flushed in the morning had magically bobbed to the surface.
What I don't get are people that piss in the toilet and don't flush. Either flush or fuck off to a urinal, you splash-backing inspiring cunt.
The whole "if it's yellow, let it mellow / if it's brown, flush it down" thing.
I'd like to add that I don't personally live by this code, much as I love the planet. Thanks.
but then go to a sodding urinal
In my student flat there was me, a guy and a girl sharing a house, and all of a sudden giant floaters started appearing on a regular basis. Obviously I suspected it was the other guy, and he suspected me, and it became such an issue that it eventually got to be like that Simpsons episode when Burns and Homer are trapped in the mountain hut wrapped in blankets staring at each other. I’d sit there slowly chewing my cereal in the morning glaring at him and thinking ‘you disgusting cunt’ while he did the same from the other side of the room.
This went on for two weeks until the girl moved out and it suddenly stopped. Then one of her friends ran into us at a party and explained that she’d been diagnosed with some liver thing that meant your ‘shit was really bouyant’. It never so much as crossed our minds that this tiny girl was responsible for this. Anyway, the news saved our rapidly deteriorating friendship.
That is hands down the worst excuse I've ever heard.
I plan to use it next time I get busted for leaving a floater.
If the cistern is a slow one then it's a bit hard to get rid of them. Just lay some toilet roll slabs over the floater and get to it.
MTFU, in short.
Find a bucket or similarly large receptacle and do a manual flush.
sheets yeah? sheeeeeeeeiiit
Wait, use the toilet brush to hold it under the u bend, flush.
The brush head is there to get rid of the occasional skid marks not to be pressed into big turds.
You're just using it to gently press it down.
If you have the facilities available to you, pour some hot water in
its all well documented here.
I can't stand anyone who leaves anything behind once they've left the bathroom. A lad I knew (in fact, still know and like very much) at Uni left one in the bog before he was the last to leave his student house over the Easter break. About 2 weeks later they come back, I go round for a drink and am first to use the upstairs loo. What I found still haunts me. It was 6 years ago man. 6 FUCKING YEARS.
Get a jug/bucket/bowl/anything that will hold a litre ish of water and chuck it down when you flush. KABONGO! The floating deviant is forever banished to streets below.
It wouldn't flush either. Somehow it had grafted itself to the bottom of the bowl, like some giant shit leech. Had to bludgeon it to bits with the bog brush and even that took ages.
It was like an engorged sausage, a flaky, murky, mustard-like slop that was somehow held together in an unsinkable island just above water level. 3 days it defied all attempts at flushing, paper was laid atop it, water poured down, but it was just too big and too buoyant to sink. After the sheer horror got too much, her dad had to break it up with a length of cardboard and after a few flushes the last of the stragglers went down. Rough stuff though. It was 3 days of unadulterated stench, and she was proud! She's even showed me a picture of one of her poos, orange it was. 21 she is.
it has been remedied before lauren has returned. hangover curry and rice poos are the absolute worst. its like a bloody mush.