The other day in town a tramp sat next to me while I was having a smoke on a bench. He asked for change and I said I didn't have any. Then he said what about a cigarette? So I said this is my last one. THEN he goes: I saw you buy that packet at that kiosk not ten minutes ago.

At which point I told him to fuck off and walked away. What I should have done was paraphrased Jim Carrey in the classic Liar Liar:

"[I won't give you change] because I believe you will buy booze and drugs with it. I'm just trying to get from my car to my office without being confronted by the decay of Western society."

I mean, seriously, what the freaking fuck? Don't I pay enough in tax to justify being able to smoke my smoke or drink my drink without feeling guilty that Bobby Nohope ain't got no cigarettes or bus fare?