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Bea off BB just disgusted me and the entire nation with the worst tale ever told
a completely self-seving yarn that sums up everything wrong with that lass, and in turn, most womens.
the sort of wide-eyed, cod free-spirited look at me nonsense that needs to be crushed...
a bildungsroman of sorts....it's an epic tale of love and life and complete non-negaivity.
i'll begin
(all with deep sea eyes and a rattling gurn...spat at poor charlie who was desperatly trying to keep sane by wondering if you can use his lestor piggot impression as a gagging device)
''so i was waiting around for the summer to begin y'know....so i could go to ibiza....and, god...i was stuck in this small horrible town....and work didn't start till the summer in ibiza...anyway...just desperate to leave....i got talking to dan...and dan just said...come to bristol....he had this massive big flat.....just so big it was....and he said..just come....anyway....he was living with his brother and friend...who i really got on with too...great guys....leigh and liam...liam was his brother......so he said....just come to bristol and saty with us.....bring all you stuff and stay with me and the guy...who i really got on wih too.....liam his brother and leigh...god...really got on with leigh......so he said..coem and bring all your stuff....just pick it all up and come to bristol....because i was in this really small town in my flat....and i was waiting to go to ibiza you see....so anyway...my friend carly is on the plane to ibiza...easyjet it was...and you can pay like 20 quid to change a name....she was ill....and you can change the name for 20 pounds see...so i just said to dan....COME IBIZA!...so he did...from bristol....and we just had...it was such....it really went.....it was...(transmission cuts).....so i was in my small falt...this small town...dan was in bristol....and he just said...come to bristol...i was waiting to finish my exams...waiting to go to ibiza...waiting for the summer to finish my exams to go ibiza from this awful poky town..........and one day i met this guy online...called dan....and he just used to make me laugh and laugh...it was like you got mail....we had never ever ever met....but he's make me laugh SO much....i'd get home and he'd have sent these really long e-mails that made me laugh so much...and pictures....and it was so funny...just like you've got mail...and it sounds geeky and weired because we'd only met once......but he said come to bristol...because i was waiting to go to ibiza......start my job......and we were on the plane home....and i was sitting in my little town...my little flat....and dan just said....come to bristol.....i've got loads of room......so i was looking through all my stuff...and there was this scrap of paper...so i got all the stuff.......and left the small town....and was driving to bristol with one eye on this bit of paper which was directions to bristol...to dans flat in bristol with liam and leigh....his brother liam.....really great guys......and it was SO MAD....driving to bristol....one eye on directions....one hand on the wheel!....amazing
word.for.word....not paraletic....not having a fit or seizure...not participating in some 90's saturday teatime gameshow hosted by matthew kelly....'talkabouts' or summit equally catchy......it was the truth she spoke.
the same tarantino narrative line. the same godard jumps. the same gutter-swill attempt at holding a persons interest.
fuck. what a fucking cunt.
and what makes it all worse....i can't say i'd not pretend to look immensly interested in this tale if i was trying to get my sticky fist in some lass's breifs.
what a bitch she is for making me realise an awful thing about me.
what a cunt.
i hate you bea. forever. i hate you.