Hey babe,

Since last night, I’ve been experiencing a funny feeling in my right gum. I say “funny” but I mean “fucking painful”. I suspect foul play, or some kind of toothache. I’ve been told that it’s probably the beginnings of an abscess. How can this be? I brush my teeth ten thousand times a day (more like three, to be accurate). Surely this would prevent any abscesses, which I generally associate with a rotting tooth?

I’m going to phone the dentist in a minute, so I’m not looking for a cure from you. You can moan about your tooth gripes though, if you want. I just wanted to tell everyone and get attention, and for you to answer my “How can this be?” question.

Also, what are the chances of this being a bout of the cancer and the toothache being 'referred pain' (you've seen that Frasier, right)?