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My girlfriend, who is 21, wants me to finger her, but I'm only 18 and don't really know what to do. Please help, cheers.
Always wear a condom.
suck the finger and then when you put your finger in her ear it's what's called a wet willy.
What's a danger wank?
Call your parents up stairs
Aim to finish wank before their arrival
If I lived with parents
ended the relationship
Then put it in and scratch until she screams.
I seriously need help here. I've rang my mates, but they're all catholics!
They are like the gurus of female fingering. That's the only way they can satisfy their bird.
trim your nails
and whats being catholic have to do with it?
Also a good idea to make sure nails are clean and hands haven't been in contact with hot chillies (these are only introduced to the proceedings at a much MUCH later stage).
two's a courtesy, three's a pleasure and four's a challenge.
just slap your hand on her slit and pretend your trying to rub out an incredible hulk transfer....use the moisture to your advantage
it was known as the 'Kitcat Challenge'. Case solved.
but this time you have to ask permission.
Let's hope Stagger-Linn's in after douchebag. NAHMEAN!?!?
...romance ain't dead.
after that p4k review of your sexual prowess shouldn't you be lending your ear to this? What did Rob award you with?
*imagines intimate position*
'i want you to finger me'
'umm... i need the bathroom, be right back'
(gets internet on phone and hopes for the best)
for the love of god let it be a wind up
trust me. She rang me and wants me to go around to hers after midnight, and I know she wants me to finger her!!!
Serious suggestions stop fucking around!!!
I ain't doing a step by step guide on the internet. I suggest you get your hand in her keks and then say 'show me how you want me to do it/like it'. Or you could google 'how to finger a girl'. Might just bring you back here mind.
is your gf quite chubby, socially awkward and fairly clueless? because thats the only explanation i have to offer, other than you being a gigantic saddo
hang on, didnt you say you found disintegrated mind funny? so you're either trolling (amazingly shittily, LURK THE FUCK MOAR) or, you know, rly sad
you're the fucking cancer that killed /b/. It's 'LURK MOAR' you fucking newfag.
are totally different you fucking cunt. go fuck your mother.
its you cos you are getting trolled
the things some people are willing to admit to in public eh? :P
In all seriousness it's something you gotta work out yourself, just be honest, take it slow yadda yadda
is she some sort of occultist?
Pacing up and down the bathroom while whispering really loudly into his mobile for dramatic effect...
Then time is surely of the essence.
*Chloe furiously uploads the schematics to Jacks cell*
I wonder what Chuck Norris would do?
with the hand concealed in his beard.
we can give you pointers
hur hur hur
i usually go for 6 as my opening gambit, then work from there. If things get really heated i might involve the toes
you better be right, I'm bagging on your expertise of being a slag.
it's not like accountancy where they give out certificates; though fuck knows I've tried.
Try not to spunk in your wee little pants and ruin the moment!
confirms you're an expert. big al told me.
big al - actually not that big
big al says that's because you have a bucket fanny
you forgot to sign in as Stagger-Linn
not everyone on here needs two addresses, you fucking twat. I'm going to chop your arms and legs off and tit fuck you.
can't fucking wait!
good luck with that + bucket fanny
As if fisting weren't eye watering enough...
Just flick the bean for some fantastic prizes, that's all you need to know.
And the other kid playing conkers is like what you doing bruv?
:-D, but yeah to be nice even though making lulzy comments is all well and good, she will probably guide you for your first time, so just make sure you take notes and revise them regularly.
"I thought I'd finger you with my penis is that OK?"
good work team
this thread was well worth reading. good work everyone.
Step one: File the nails on your fingers down into a point. Its scratching that you want to do. A nice hard scratch, don't worry if the skin begins to peel, or she starts to bleed slightly. This is called breaking the hymen.
Step the second: Lubricate yourself up. My personal favourites are butter (unrefrigerated lurpak is best, failing that, flora) and oil. Be sure to use a good quality oil, olive or sesame, none of that cheap vegetable bullshit.
Step three: You're going to want to use two hands in a jerking, twisting motion, pumping in and out of the vagina like you're drilling for oil. Because in a way, you are.
Step four: When she becomes suitably aroused its time to head down to the brown. Picture a basketball spinning around the rim of the hoop before plunging hard into the net. This is the action you will be simulating. Remember to go in hard, girls don't like a pussy.
Step the fifth: Girls enjoy variety, so any household objects you can fit inside are fair game. She will love you for your creativity.
Step six: Don't forget the nipples! The tit-zits if you will. Now you've really got to show them who's boss. Bite down hard, don't be afraid to get rough; queeze those milkers like you're draining a cow. There's no time for sensitive kneading now.
If you can follow all the above steps then congratulations my son: You'll soon be a man
its best to imagine that you are trying to tune in to radio luxembourg (on an old fashioned radial tuner radio)
Very popular these days.
keep it up.
she'll love the heat
till she has a fit
read the entire archive, starting from the bottom (skip the one about lobster though - scarred me for life)
thank me later
I have no useful advice.
It makes me understand why girls always go for older guys.
You sleep in mydeathspace.com
trim your nails, wash your hands and brush up on your geography!
to put your finger up her bum. :)
everyone else is jokinh. trust me shell love it.
'with your penis'
awkward, acne-covered 13-year-olds. we're not in middle school anymore. fucking stop. if she ask you to finger, get up, turn around, and slowly walk away.
"I came here with my dick in my hand/don't make me leave with my foot in your ass."
and have two fingers up her, and whilst you're licking her clit, try and stroke your own chin with your two fingers.
You will rock her world.
you'll need a torch, a waterproof and a map. good luck, take a photo.
"even if u lie in ur bed and just rub slow than fast i will feel really good.....for u young people go easy u r to young to think about master bating even sex. How Did things Go?"