'Friend coming to stay' dilemma
A friend wants to come stay with me for a couple of weeks while they're doing some work experience (travelling from up north to down south). I can't manage it as am pretty busy during that time (it's at quite short notice - 3 weeks).
They have now asked if I can ask a couple of my friends if it's possible to stay at theirs at all - they barely know my friends and have only met a handful of times.
I don't want to put any pressure on my friends by even asking them - I put myself in their shoes and might find it hard to say no.
How do I politely say 'I'm not asking my friends'?
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how can you be too busy to have a friend to stay
I don't understand how it would take any of your time,unless you have to cook for them or do their washing.
Bloody hell be a mate and let them stay, it's only for a few weeks
I'm out/away nearly every evening during that time
So?
Just explain that you wont be able to give much time, and they'll have to entertain themselves
Why should he though?
People are entitled to their own space. It's a bit of a big deal for some people to have somenone stay with them for two weeks, especially if they live in quite a small place. Some people are okay with that of course but some people aren't. And they should be entitled not to be.
If someone doesn't want someone staying with them at 3 weeks notice it's utterly their right to say "no". Being friends with them doesn't mean you're compelled to do 'em massive favours you don't want to do.
Thanks
this was kind of how I felt - and I have done them quite a few favours in the past.
I guess this is the difference between
a friend and a good friend
When did I say anything about good friends?
and I have helped them out with a place to stay numerous times in the past.
Of course it isn't.
It's not really "good friendship" to expect your friends to put you up regardless of their feelings, especially if they've done you lots of favours in the past.
It might equally be the difference between being asserting yourself and being a doormat.
Yeah but that's so whiney
If anyone was close enough a friend to ask, and they were reasonably well behaved, then whatever, they can stay for however long they like. That's what friends are for; helping each other out. A conversation could go like this:
"Hey man, mind if I crash at yours for a while?"
"Yeah man, no probs, you can stay on the couch'" FIN
Again
another issue, I only seem to hear from them when they need somewhere to stay. I didn't give all the background as it's long and tiresome.
Well then I guess you will just have to tell them
that they can't stay at yours, and that you're not asking your friends. I'm sure he wont bother you again.
It's not fucking whiney
a) People have different thresholds. Some people might ask everyone they know for a place to crash, others wil be more selective. The fact the guy is then saying "well, I'll stay with one of your other friends then" suggests he doesn't have that high a threshold.
b) You're assumng the guy's reasonably well-behaved.
c) You're key point is "friends are for helping each other out", not a one-way street of favours.
d) It's good for you if you're the kind of person who's happy for anyone to crash at their place. Well done. Have a biscuit. But not everybody is and people shouldn't be pushed into a situation they aren't happy about for two weeks 'cos they're being emotionally-blackmailed into a sense of 'loyalty' to someone showing fuck-all consideraton for their own feelings.
I can see four reasons in the above post
why it's 'fucking whiney'
Given your argument boils down to
"if people don't do the same things as I do they aren't really someone's friend" I think we're both arguing from pretty flawed premises.
But if Jabba aint going to be there much anyway
p;even less of a problem. And if you don't want to ask others, tell them that.
So the answers are either be a mate or get some balls.
Yea I'm feeling argumentative
Why can't he/she just say at yours?
Are they not house-trained?
just say you asked your friends and none can do it
easy