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(501): Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
these people are drunk enough to not know/care about what messages they're sending, but conscious enough to think that this'll be hilarious if i type it up and send it to a website?
(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some of the shit I've got off Richard Browne could be quite at home on this site.
But I deleted all my texts the other day, so we'll never know.
(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm using this forever.
(646): how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've always wanted to know this.
but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why did I drink all the ingredients for vomit?!?
Awesome, so to speak.
(503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is too painful to read
would be a great title for a programme on channel 5.
Depressing reading when you're stuck at a desk.
Don't be too jealous.
I was pissing myself the other night when I was reading through them.
It was actually started by 2 people who just graduated from my uni.
(410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
(315): playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
(315): warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
(847): this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And that's my old area code.
(517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
^This is the area code for people who are from East Lansing/Lansing area in MI...they were actually passing out green bibles during finals week--they tried to give me one on my way to my virology final.
(864): and the officer said have you been drinking
(864): and i said NOO SIR.
(864): and he said, I am a woman.
Or depressing me? Everyone seems to be having sex with hot multiple strangers on bubble wrap or else getting anal with Snow White.
Still, I'm eating Ginger Cake without suffering from genital warts, so who's the REAL winner here, eh?
(650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
(908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This site is pure gold
(216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
(646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
(781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
(617): but fathers day is next sunday
(781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
(951): yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
(202): respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
(501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
(440): why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
(1-440): you have got to be kidding?
(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is by far my current fave
(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i looked at the site a while ago and this is the only one in the thread that i remember reading then. amazing.
Its sent me into a fit of giggles....
so much funnier and more believable than fml as well.
in tears at the some of them.