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do they work?
please say yes.
are we talking?
easy train routes, but both very busy pretty much all of the time.
and yeah depends if you used to live closer to begin with, I guess.
but we've just met, and everything is really fun and exciting and ace, and we're wanting to see eachother all the time...etc... but it's so limited as to when we can get together. bad times.
if you both want it to work enough, it will happen
it is a pretty big commitment and you have to do everything you can to meet up as often as possible. i've managed one for the last year or so and it's been fine, but it's never going to be ideal.
if you see the relationship as potentially long-term then it's worth doing, but it isn't something I'd want to do as the status quo of a relationship, more a transitional thing.
if you're both scared of commitment and/or hugely selfish.
I don't know really....my ex got back with his aussie bird, even though he's been refused a VISA and vice versa. Never going to be together, he's seen her twice in three years. Seems to suit him fine, but then he is a selfish fucker.
unless your girlfriend is a massive cunt....
short term yeah, long term probably not because if the relationship isn't important enough to take priority over whatever is keeping them seperate it wouldnt be worth continuing
They're just much harder to maintain. I went out with a girl for 2 years who lived 50 minutes away (in the days before I had a car/money) which was difficult but the reasons for us splitting up had nothing to do with the distance.
If you think it's worth a try then go for it.
after leaving for uni
My girlfriend lives 285 miles away. It takes money and dedication, but you can do it. She comes down every fortnight-ish, never longer than that. But then she's going to be moving down here next year, so there's always been that on the horizon to keep us going.
Also, get an O2 phone (or other phone company) deal that gives you free calls to each other. It makes it A LOT easier.
i know it's something that might never fully take the shape of a proper relationship, we're both going to be even further apart for uni in september, but i guess we're just going to try and make the time work while it lasts. i travel alot and will be touring for weeks on end in august, so i guess it's going to take some getting used to.
not having to worry about when and how long you call, or how many texts you send, is pretty fucking great.
we generally try to organise a lot of stuff as well - obviously booking flights to see each other, but also trying to sort out holidays or weekends away, or just stupid crap like trips to the zoo :D pretty much just making sure you don't get into a rut when you do see each other.
i've been with my girlfriend nearly 3 years, 2.5 years of which i've been living in nottingham while she's been in glasgow. can be tough at times, but it's not been that bad. i guess the hardest thing is i've lost touch with a lot more friends than i otherwise would have done, but you never really know what would have happened. the difficult thing is we both do reasonably specialised jobs, so it's hard to sort things for the future.. i've just had an interview which would mean we could soon be working in places that are 90 mins apart, and we'd probably live somewhere in the middle.
for some reason i've always ended up doing long-distance with girlfriends, and previous ones pretty much failed because i didn't trust the girls.. i think that's probably the most important thing.
:) nah, im just jealous cause i havent even been in a relationship for 3 years... yeah go on, get the violins oot...
well done man anyway ;)
thats not a long distance relationship.
Make the effort.
it sucks, but its only temporary. Im not sure if you could call it a "long distance relationship". Its about 2 and a half hours on the train, but its only till autumn.
1 and a half of those spent with him living in Leeds and me in Edinburgh, which is about 3 hours by train. It can be workable if you don't mind seeing each other about once a fortnight or even once a week. You can do it :)
and completely trust your partner, yeah.
The issue of someone making 'more effort' is a thorny one, especially if (as it is/was for us) university is involved.
Been with my girlfriend 2 years on Friday, she goes to uni in Exeter and I'm in Leeds. 4 and a half hours away by train. Try to see each other at least once every two weeks but there have been times around exams/essays that it's been a month. You have to really be sure it's worth it because it can be very draining. But I don't regret it at all. She's completely worth the effort.
tried it at uni with gf id been with a year before in london. ended up breaking up towards the end of the first year of uni, its just like impossible to maintain, even if you both have no desire for anyone else..its just not the same anymore
seing as i've managed to land myself in one with someone in fucking america
i'd kill to be an hour and a half away by train. bastards. :(
not anymore though.
but yeah 1 1/2 hours is fuck all. MTFU etc
different people, different situations, i suggest you back off.
ha. i was saying just go for it mate. an hour and a half is very much manageable. best of luck!
thanks. love you. x
If there is an end to the long distance in sight, they'll work just as well as any other relationship will. Otherwise, nope.
i went out with my ex for 5 years prior to it becoming long distance and it crumbled around us and blew up in spectacular fashion. it wasn't pretty. so no, they don't
my gf is, like yrs, currently about 90 mins away by train which is fairly easy when you think about it and quite accessible. she moves to France and Spain next year though whilst I return to being an impoverished student, so that will be the acid test. It's cool atm tho.
in yr case it's probably worth thinking about whether you can make that commitment to someone who isn't there most of the time. I was pretty immature about my current relationship at the beginning and I ended up breaking up with her cos of it. 3 weeks of misery later my mind was pretty clear and soomehow managed to get it back together. But yeah, don't do that. Make sure you know it is what you want first.
If it's a permanent arrangement, no chance. If it's for a year, probably 50% chance, and the difficulty might be when that year ends rather than during it because you've built it up so much that the reality of seeing each other every day isn't as enchanting as you'd imagined or remembered.
Less than a year, you'd have a good shot at it
i'm just going to talk to her and see what she thinks about the whole situation. i'm kind of lucky in the sense that currently, nothing's 'official', nothing's started, so therefore there's technically nothing to end. it's more the decision whether or not we're going to try and put in the effort to make it something definite, rather than just have 'something' going on.
i think i could make it work, because even if we were closer together, i'm always away gigging and things, so it'd be rare that i could dedicate all my time to it anyway. I guess we'll see how it goes!
if one of you is planning to relocate at some point.
but depends for how long its gonna be like that for
1. you know when its going to change
2. you know what either wants from the relationship
3.you have set times as of when/how to talk
4. as soon as the we-dont-know-what-to-talk-about-anymore period comes, do other things like watch a film together and talk about it or make a special meal, send things and stuff like that
5.trust them because youre going to start to have arguments pretty soon and if you dont trust each other its bound to fail
6.make plans as to when to visit and stuff like that
But out of the 19 guys I lived with in the first year of university about 12 or so came with girlfriends. Only my relationship lasted more than 3/4 months.
Most of them split up due to the pressures, lack of trust and the fact people change a lot at university.
Long-term relationships definitely can work though, but if your both heading of to university I haven't seen any last that long with distance involved.
Just have some fun, take it as it comes and don't get too weighed down by where its all going.
As long as neither of you are the jealous type then i think you will come out on top.
If you like her so much and her you it will work out for the best.
''whats for you wont pass you''
i bet you felt all wise when you were writing that :D
haha i was looking for some lame quote to finish with, i found a website which had a random quote generator..
Random Quote from Stephen Covey
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wise words indeed.
is gonna make a blind bit of difference..
and knew that when i posted it - i've just not been in a proper relationship in a long time, and therefore don't know myself well enough to know how i could handle that situation, so i just thought i'd see if anyone has had a similar experience.
i'm feelin good about it - 'something'll come of it, i hope, even if it's just for a short time. appreciate the advices though.
How are you anyway, haven't seen you on msn in ages?
It's fucking garbage. But, y'know, for the right girl it's worth it.
I should be over there now but then I got a job here so I'm heading over in September.
It's really hard...
It's a tough shout... it's a bit like giving up smoking, the early days are pretty easy, then about a month or two in you find yourself a bit drunk and wondering why exactly you did it. Though it worked much better the time I'd been seeing her already. Only she then moved back to Canada. Bit too distance.