Throat like I've been gargling Swarfega, running nose like a terrorist attack on the Hoover Dam, aches and pains like the aftermath of three rounds with Tyson Fury, I need your personal recommendations on how I can kick this fucking cold back to whence it crawled from. Five days ago I was a sprightly young thing, traversing the local countryside, getting chased across farmers fields, not a care nor worry nor generic medical condition in the world. Now I feel fucking rough.

Please advice.