First and only attempt.

I went down the pub last night for what must be the first time in around 37 years. On one of my visits to the conveniences I noticed that there was a dispensing machine behind me, which didn't really raise any interest as from what I recall they're not an unusual sight.

However, on closer inspection whilst washing my hands, I noticed that it wasn't just a condom dispensing machine - for a Pam Shriver you could yourself a vibrator. This was the button next to the cock rings.

My thought process occurred thusly -
1a. What blerk needs an emergency vibrator when he's down the pub?
1b. The same question, replacing 'vibrator' with 'cock ring'.
2. What the hell is a £5 vibrator going to do for you? The best you could hope for would be a mild electric shock, shirley?

When did the local boozer become a second-rate grot store, then? Anyone got a vending-machine dildo story that they'd care to share?

A sex-related thread on a Friday afternoon. This is going to run and run.

I AM THE LARRY FLYNT CHANNEL