Funny email exchange this afternoon. You need to know going in that it was discovered last night that housemate 1's girlfriend has the above truly horrific nickname for him...
Housemate 1: (in response to being sent link to a website) You’re the one looking at sights like this.
Housemate 2: Learn to spell mate.
Me: I have such sites to show you....
Housemate 1: Site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Housemate 2: Shite more like, you scrummy monkey.
Housemate 1: Pricks!
Housemate 2: Not very nice, but well done on working your way through evolution over the last few hours.
Housemate 1: Why cant you just leave me alone!
Housemate 2: Spoken just like Michael Jackson you nonce.
Me: He had a scrummy monkey as well didn't he?
Housemate 2: He did actually.
Housemate 1: Right you little cunt *****, im gonna rip off your head and shit down your throat if you continue to talk in this way!
Housemate 2: Haven't said a word mate. You must be confusing writing and talking again.