Funny email exchange this afternoon. You need to know going in that it was discovered last night that housemate 1's girlfriend has the above truly horrific nickname for him...

Housemate 1: (in response to being sent link to a website) You’re the one looking at sights like this.

Housemate 2: Learn to spell mate.

Me: I have such sites to show you....

Housemate 1: Site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Housemate 2: Shite more like, you scrummy monkey.

Housemate 1: Pricks!

Housemate 2: Not very nice, but well done on working your way through evolution over the last few hours.

Housemate 1: Why cant you just leave me alone!

Housemate 2: Spoken just like Michael Jackson you nonce.

Me: He had a scrummy monkey as well didn't he?

Housemate 2: He did actually.

Housemate 1: Right you little cunt *****, im gonna rip off your head and shit down your throat if you continue to talk in this way!

Housemate 2: Haven't said a word mate. You must be confusing writing and talking again.

(L)