"Loaf": you will be the brains behind the operation. Be prepared for jocular ribbing from other members of the gang because you're a boffin. They say you can hack into a mainframe in 20 seconds flat, no cheat codes or anything.

"Nuts": You will be called this because you will always eat KP nuts. It's your thing. You're good at punching also because you're mental.

"Switch": You've got a knife and will threaten Loaf with it. You will only ever be semi-serious

"Bru": Your hair is orange like irn bru.

"Smoke": you will be vehemently anti-smoking and your name is ironic. Switch will like to blow the smoke from his camels in your face and you will get livid.

"Papers": You will Handle all the administration for the group. Your presence will be valued.

The only required uniform is a pork pie hat, a toothpick for chewin' and a pinstripe suit jacket. From the waist down you can express yourself.

Alternatively suggest any alternate positions you would like to apply for and your name.