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Laught at it.
On any topic of conversation, just drop in, "yeah, I was just talking to my boyfriend about that the other day, he thinks that..."
Subtly set up the guy with one of your most attractive/most likely to put out friends (delete as applicable).
Or just wait for him to make a stupid move and firmly reject him, which usually does the trick. Tends to destroy the friendship though.
something tells me it's not an altogether unfamiliar situation for you?
Now I'm a bitter and grizzled veteran, I'm able to just get over it, but when I was younger and more like a puppy I'd just persevere stupidly. These things I list tend to make it clear I'm being an idiot (not that they really did anything more than push it to the back of my mind, but usually that was enough to just on with life).
You're pretty much never going to completely remove the attraction, really. It's just how these things work, getting them to move you from an active target to someone they're keeping in the reserves. As soon as you're single they'll pounce.
he's a very nice boy.
They'll grow bored of you eventually and move on to someone else but it's absolutely impossible to get someone to go from "fancying you" to "just being friends with you without wanting something more". The only possible outcomes are
a) he remains friends with you whilst secretly lusting after you making his life a misery and leading to the occasional confronation between the two of you but a general friendship based solely on repressed emotions
b) He gets bored, fancies someone else and can't be arsed to be "friends" with you anymore.
a useful excuse for more drinking
Got to b) with her eventually though, which kinda backs up my point.
It'd be nice to be able to say the above isn't true but sadly I think it is. I genuinely think the kindest thing you can do all round is nip the friendship in the bud right now as he's always gonna be wanting more.
Sometimes you end up fancying a friend as a result of being a genuine friend and falling for them as you get to know them. Once you end up not being smitten, I think what originally made you friends can be there.
Depends if the sole purpose of the friendship was always to get your rocks off I suppose...
And what I've said doesn't apply if it's someone who you were already friends with before fancying.
But if you fancied someone/they fancied you from before you were friends I think it's very difficult to turn that into a sustainable "friendship", even if you do have things in common and would probably have ended up friends if the attraction wasn't there.
Thank God I'm a b)
I think I'm moving onto b) much quicker than I used to now.
Any friendship where
1) you're friends as a compromise even though you want a relationship with them
b) they're friends with you as a compromise because they don't want a relationship with you
is pretty farcicial and mutually unsatisfying.
you massive bitch
me too, but i think i crunched it already so that's not so good :(
you're suggesting that if you fancy someone at some point that won't ever go away, should you stay friends?
I know that's not true from people I have had feelings for and people who have had feelings for me.
e.g. one of my best friends at university was someone who I massively massively fancied at first but it gradually faded and seemed slightly ridiculous in retrospect.
they're far from static. If they were static then a lot more relationships would work out.
but I'm suggesting that it's entirely possible they won't go away and/or if they do go away you'll realise it was only fancying the person that made you want to spend time with them. So, whilst it can work out that you stay friends, it's a bit unrealistic to expect that to happen and to think that you can turn someone who doesn't fancy you into a friend and expect them to accept that, or even to stick around once the attraction wears off.
both are very real possibilities
a depressingly accurate portrait of my life right now.
I'm not sure the boyfriend would feel the same way...
its the most irritating thing ever
ring them up at 2 in the morning to unload your toxic anxieties onto their souls
Stress to them how important they are to you. Make sure to say things like "You would make such a good boyfriend for someone"
Put together a large coterie of puppy dog eyed men. See if you can get them to fight each other naked for you
they will never ever hit it
never underestimate the powers of arrogance and self-delusion.
they won't stop fancying you under any circumstances, anyway. You nutty woman.
mention how much you like something that is completely a quality that they don't have
don't ever compliment them in a friendly way (at least until they have categorically given up on the possibility of going out with you)
introduce them to a really attractive female friend of yours
pretend you think something they like is a bit lame (like, yeah, i hate that book)
I've done all this just to make sure it's clear things are platonic with newer friends because of previous mix-ups with past friends. Maybe over-cautious, but better that than weirdness in the long run. It works, really!