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i start my new job tonight (psychic-centric)

utm_usic [Edit] [Delete] 91 replies 14:51, 14 January '09

i'm doing a training shift type thing from 6pm-8pm. the job is, as mentioned in another thread, replying to psychic text messages from home. i'm basically getting paid to make up vaguely spiritual sounding replies on an online message system. so not only can i webspazz/listen to music/lie in bed/go to the loo while working, i also get to be creative when answering people's questions. EXCITING!

on a scale of one to ten, how bad is this, morally speaking? it's £1.50 per text, by the way. some people send tens of messages a day. eeek.

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  • i mean, it costs them £1.50 per text

    i'm getting £6 an hour.

    utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 14:51 | X
    • sounds like a brilliant job

      meths @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 14:56 | X
    • aaah, but do you have to pay for your replies?

      i'm determined to find a flaw in your perfect, perfect job.

      m-dizzle @utm_usic | 15 Jan '09, 09:03 | X
  • That's fantastic.

    Have you got a list of possible answers written down? Would be curious/amused to see them.

    MirriLondon | 14 Jan '09, 14:52 | X
    • nope

      just a list of things we're not allowed to answer. obvious things like diagnosing illnesses, telling them they're going to die and stuff like that. at my interview i told someone that they should leave their husband as he was beating her up. i was told off for this as it's too negative apparently.

      basically, i just have to tell people what they want to hear and it doesn't really matter how i say it.

      utm_usic @MirriLondon | 14 Jan '09, 14:55 | X
  • do you need some practice?

    can we ask you stuff and mess with you a bit?

    m-dizzle | 14 Jan '09, 14:52 | X
    • YES PLEASE

      utm_usic @m-dizzle | 14 Jan '09, 14:53 | X
      • okay, here goes.

        'What should my career be? I'm kind of keen on the Psychic Text Messaging field... What do you think?'

        m-dizzle @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 14:55 | X
        • ...

          I sense that, with the many qualities you possess, you could become anything you wanted to be. Try it out, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

          utm_usic @m-dizzle | 14 Jan '09, 14:58 | X
          • this guy's good

            Parsefone @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:35 | X
  • Buy a magic 8 ball.

    And insert the odd noun or verb into your reply.

    gowman | 14 Jan '09, 14:52 | X
    • Such as:

      "It is decidedly so."

      gowman @gowman | 14 Jan '09, 14:53 | X
  • You have amazing sway over people

    Use it for evil

    DanielKelly | 14 Jan '09, 14:53 | X
    • ^

      werk @DanielKelly | 14 Jan '09, 14:54 | X
    • wonderful

      wrightylew @DanielKelly | 14 Jan '09, 18:21 | X
  • it's not that bad morally

    DarwinDude | 14 Jan '09, 14:54 | X
  • What sort of thing do people ask in psychic text messages?

    Will my true love ever see me the way I see him?
    Should I have three or four sausages for me tea?

    bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:55 | X
    • My ears are burning...

      tom_from_sparks @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:55 | X
      • I've just set fire to your glasses.

        bamos @tom_from_sparks | 14 Jan '09, 14:56 | X
        • Well my psychic text message I got this morning...

          didn't warn me about that...

          tom_from_sparks @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:59 | X
          • :D:

            I've changed my mind about DiS. I prefer the daytime.

            wrightylew @tom_from_sparks | 14 Jan '09, 18:22 | X
    • Four. Always four.

      colesy @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:56 | X
    • err

      two.

      gowman @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:56 | X
    • a lot of them are just

      'i fancy a bloke at wrk but i duno wot 2 say 2 him. i bet he h8s me wot shal i do?!?!'

      or something like that.

      utm_usic @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 14:59 | X
  • here's a practice one..

    when's this freaking baby going to come?

    Slicky | 14 Jan '09, 14:57 | X
    • I'm gonna come round and hump it out.

      bamos @Slicky | 14 Jan '09, 14:59 | X
      • I'm sorry.

        bamos @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:00 | X
        • over the line dude

          meths @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:00 | X
          • I was doing that Ross-goes-to-sleep-with-Rachel-to-get-the-baby-out bit.

            But I got carried away.

            bamos @meths | 14 Jan '09, 15:01 | X
            • yeah,

              i'm sure noone else was thinking that

              meths @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:04 | X
              • Thinking what?

                bamos @meths | 14 Jan '09, 15:07 | X
                • humping.

                  p.s. "fanning farts. nope nothing. nothing at all" had me going even when i was lying in bed last night. its just started me up again

                  meths @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:10 | X
                  • And now it's got me.

                    Find that thread again will you. I think Slicky would appreciate its lowbrow basis.

                    bamos @meths | 14 Jan '09, 15:11 | X
                    • its a whole new thread. i, for one, will not start it

                      meths @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:12 | X
        • Ban request

          olegrich @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:01 | X
      • hmmm, is it TMI to say 'trying that'?

        makes for good comedy massive belly, dodgy pelvis sex but not much else

        apparently 1/2 hours nipple stimulation can help...any takers?

        Slicky @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:08 | X
        • Half an hour?!

          Crikey.

          bamos @Slicky | 14 Jan '09, 15:09 | X
          • It's taken me less time to tune in Radio 5!

            tom_from_sparks @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:11 | X
            • And you don't get Pougatch through Slicky's nips.

              bamos @tom_from_sparks | 14 Jan '09, 15:12 | X
              • double entendre override

                meths @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:15 | X
              • And for that the baby is eternally grateful

                tom_from_sparks @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:17 | X
              • You've broken me.

                lemonbrickcombo @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:23 | X
              • PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

                use one of Bamos' infamous horoscopes. It will be worth it.

                lemonbrickcombo @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:26 | X
    • we're not allowed to give specifics on things like that

      so i'd probably say...

      I can't see an exact date at the moment, but I can tell that when the baby does come, you will make a wonderful mother. Be patient and you will be rewarded with a beautiful baby that will light up your life.

      something rubbish that changes the subject a bit.

      good luck, by the way!

      utm_usic @Slicky | 14 Jan '09, 15:02 | X
      • is that what you say to people who are expecting?

        utm_usic @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:02 | X
        • ah that's a lovely answer

          and yes it is :)

          Slicky @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:06 | X
        • I think you've found your vocation.

          gowman @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:10 | X
  • So why'd you post on here so often then?

    chuff @Jack_El_Biscuit | 14 Jan '09, 15:00 | X
    • i want this job so much

      pls will you recommend me if they need someone new?

      scarlet_apples | 14 Jan '09, 14:59 | X
      • yes

        you should email the man and ask him if they need anymore people. they probably will (Y)

        utm_usic @scarlet_apples | 14 Jan '09, 15:06 | X
    • You got started on that Clive Mendonca song for me yet?

      olegrich | 14 Jan '09, 15:00 | X
      • YES

        it will be ready for your birthday party.

        utm_usic @olegrich | 14 Jan '09, 15:03 | X
        • Hooray!

          I've hired a Clive Mendonca look-a-like

          olegrich @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:07 | X
    • do they need more people to do this?

      I'm currently filling out a form to work on phones for uni hasseling people for donations.

      bizzy | 14 Jan '09, 15:08 | X
      • maybe!

        i'll pm you the guys email address and you can ask.

        utm_usic @bizzy | 14 Jan '09, 15:10 | X
    • Try

      Where will I be in five years?

      84joe | 14 Jan '09, 15:13 | X
      • ...

        The future looks bright for you at the moment and, over the next five years, I can sense positivity all around. You will be in a place that makes you and your loved ones happy, within walking distance of the local underground station.

        probably.

        utm_usic @84joe | 14 Jan '09, 15:20 | X
        • Thanks man

          *inserts another £1.50*

          Can you give me that location in the form of some universal mapping coordinates?

          84joe @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:23 | X
          • ...

            Sadly my powers do not have access to Ordnance Survey maps, however, I am seeing a park with laughing children playing in it. I feel that this would be a great place to bring up your children.

            utm_usic @84joe | 14 Jan '09, 15:26 | X
            • blimey

              he even knew Joe was a paedo.

              Parsefone @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:42 | X
    • It's utterly appalling morally.

      You're conning people and taking advantage of their beliefs and making money out of falsely providing goods and services. There's absolutely no moral justification for it whatsoever and essentially it makes you and the people you work for con artists.

      That said I've not got masses of sympathy for the people who believe such nonsense in the first place.

      theguywithnousername | 14 Jan '09, 15:26 | X
      • i kind of agree with you

        but then the adverts do clearly say 'for entertainment purposes only' and most of the questions tend to be about minor relationship issues rather than heavy stuff.

        that said, your point about the people who believe in this kind of thing is equally valid.

        utm_usic @theguywithnousername | 14 Jan '09, 15:32 | X
        • If it says "for entertainment purposes only" then that's a bit different.

          It makes it a bit less of a con.

          theguywithnousername @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:39 | X
      • It's like someone standing up and preaching to them for a couple of hours every Sunday morning or something.

        Yeah, just stick some of your hard-earned in this 'ere plate so I can continue doing this preaching lark for a few more years.

        bamos @theguywithnousername | 14 Jan '09, 15:33 | X
        • At least preacher's believe what they're preaching.

          I'm pretty sure 90% of all psychics (and 100% of all successful psychics) are aware that it's all bollocks.

          theguywithnousername @bamos | 14 Jan '09, 15:40 | X
    • Will my night be a success oh wise utm_music?

      (your place on the bill will depend on this answer)

      olegrich | 14 Jan '09, 15:28 | X
      • ...

        I'm seeing a busy venue filled with smiling faces. The entertainment has disappointed many, however they are now too drunk to care and are too busy dancing to 5ive to think about it anymore.

        utm_usic @olegrich | 14 Jan '09, 15:34 | X
        • Hooray!

          (you are second from the top btw)

          olegrich @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 15:37 | X
    • oh the lulz im in for tonight

      by the way im finishing at 5:30 today but im going to go buy you some gloves so ill be home a little later than 6:00

      dash_and_blast | 14 Jan '09, 15:36 | X
      • Lucky guy

        doss job and a girlfriend caring for his hands.

        lemonbrickcombo @dash_and_blast | 14 Jan '09, 15:37 | X
    • How the hell

      did you get involved in that racket?

      And how do I also?

      Parsefone | 14 Jan '09, 15:37 | X
      • insert "My Sources Say No" obvi-joke here

        Parsefone @Parsefone | 14 Jan '09, 15:38 | X
      • it was on the job centre website, oddly enough

        although there was no mention of the psychic part until the interview stage.

        utm_usic @Parsefone | 14 Jan '09, 15:39 | X
    • I've a friend who sends sex texts

      It sounds like a right hoot, apart from when lorry drivers and the like text her to ask if she can send innocuous messages like 'dinner's going to be ready about seven' to make them feel wanted and less alone. That's pretty grim.

      joeydubya | 14 Jan '09, 15:40 | X
      • That's the most depressing thing I've heard since a party night themed around songs about abusing women.

        Crikey.

        bamos @joeydubya | 14 Jan '09, 15:43 | X
      • :(

        utm_usic @joeydubya | 14 Jan '09, 15:45 | X
    • taking stupid peoples money

      i like it,its like gambling,but they cant win
      i want in

      doodthatkicksarse | 14 Jan '09, 15:44 | X
      • TV phone ins.

        Get in on that game. It makes them think their opinions count for something too.

        dontgetanybigideas @doodthatkicksarse | 14 Jan '09, 15:56 | X
    • i'm doing this now

      it's busy!

      utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 18:16 | X
      • examples plz

        fihiki @utm_usic | 14 Jan '09, 18:18 | X
        • just stuff like

          'i'm rubbish, no-one loves me, i'm fed up of all this stress'.

          i just got a message from the person in charge saying that my answers are looking good. yay.

          utm_usic @fihiki | 14 Jan '09, 18:31 | X
    • fucking hell.

      you're my new DiS hero.

      you've got pretty much the perfect job.

      you could go to blackpool pleasure beach and still be at work. answering texts on the big one.

      wrightylew | 14 Jan '09, 18:19 | X
      • it's on the internet, not my phone

        but if the big one had wi-fi, then yeah, i'd be able to do it then (Y).

        utm_usic @wrightylew | 14 Jan '09, 18:32 | X
    • Do you get feedback from your boss

      such as, this reply wasn't psychic (sp?) enough, or less obvious sarcasm please?

      gowman | 14 Jan '09, 18:23 | X
    • how did this go utm_usic? have a good night?

      m-dizzle | 15 Jan '09, 08:43 | X
    • Man, you personally run the idiot tax.

      I'm kind of on the side of the morally outraged. How big is this 'for entertainment purposes only' writing?

      TheoGB | 15 Jan '09, 08:52 | X
      • i don't believe in psychic abilities (even less after this topic)

        but i suppose if it makes some poor sod out there a little bit happier, even if it costs them, it's okay.

        m-dizzle @TheoGB | 15 Jan '09, 08:55 | X
    • this is amazing :D

      you have the best job in the world!

      pretty_vacant | 15 Jan '09, 08:57 | X
    • wow

      you win. How many hours a day do you work? how many texts an hour do you have to reply to?

      sharp_yet_blunt | 15 Jan '09, 09:18 | X
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