AS Daniel Kelly is in mourning, I thought I'd give it a go.
United beat a lacklusture Chelsea 3-0, and Big Phil says Chelsea's title hopes have been "damaged".
Rafa's words are more entertaining than his team's play.
Snowballs stopped Atletico Madrid's home match against Athletic Bilbao. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/7823355.stm
And a bunch of hairy, unfit indie-types kicked a pig skin around a park in London yesterday and are paying the price today.
And there's a load of other stuff which I'm sure'll get mentioned below.