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tell me some good ones..
As much as I like Merzbow, that made me laugh out loud.
HEY! THAT'S A MINE!
Christopher Walken (not as good since his death though)
Those conservative white guys like to have a black man clean up their mess.
and the barman says, "hey, we've got some whiskey named after you!"
To which the horse replies, "what, Eric's whiskey?"
And the barman says "no, White Horse."
Walks into a pizza parlour and says "make me one with everything"
So the pizza employee says "OK....that will be £9.99" so the dalai lama gives him a £20 and the employee takes it off him and puts it in the till and says "it will be about 10mins". The dalai lama looks perplexed...."I gave you a £20 and you said it cost £9.99"...."I've read your book" says the employee...."Change comes from within"
A man discovers that he has no soap. He hasn't showered for 3 days and he stinks badly. So he decides to go to the chemist to get some soap.
"Hi, I'd like some soap plz" he says to the lady at the counter.
"Sure, would you like it scented?" she asks
"Nah, I'll just take it just now thanks."
Climb in a tree and act like a nut.
A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor, "I don't feel good."
The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!"
KICK HER IN THE STOMACH!