the white, middle class male will always crumble when confronted with snappy teenage girls in social situations.
seriously...what the fuck have we got to combat them....we can't do anything, in response to their mocking inquisitiveness....no sarcasm, no wit, no flash of intelligence..it all falls dead....we got nuthin....they are the most viscious and incisive of all viscious hunters.
this is in response to me being accosted on the bus by two young whippersnappers...14/15 or so....they asked me questions and made me look stupid and feel embarressed.....but it wan't like i came out of it thinking of all the brilliant things i should have said......there is literally nothing you can do to stop yourself looking like a twat.
this is what i managed
(there are no seats on the bus so i go to the spare one at the back. one of the girls moves next to her mate so i can have a whole seat. i say cheers. she says what?... i say cheers for the seat... and then this is what happened
them. so what you listening to?
me. (...its happening...please don't talk to me. cant just ignore them, they'll get angry and pull a pencil sharpener) er...(think...think...say something that will get the least reaction....think...think...aha) oh just a podca...
them. what is it i kissed a girl? you listening to i kissed a girl?
me. (sarcasm wheeler...everyone loves sarcasm...beat them with your sharpest tool)
yeah....have you heard it?
them. what...oh my god, seriously, he's fucking listening to i kissed a girl
me. no i...er...
them. i kissed a girl once...but you'll have to go on myspace to see it
them. so what you like grunge music then?
me. (i breifly consider telling them i like the original form of rnb and discuss its gradual transition* into its modern day state)
them. do you like the white bandanna crew
them. do you want a fag
them. do you smoke
two minutes go by with the windows of the bus cracking under the pressure of my attempted nonchalence. its fine. nobody heard me crumbling under the pressure. nobody heard me being pummeled into the dirt like the desolate peg keeping the big brash circus aloft.
them. so what... you queer or something then?
and then literally twenty minutes of this till i wanted to strangle myself with the headphone cord just to make it all stop.
(and yes,. yes..'ooh isnt it like peepshow'...blah blah blah..bore bore..)