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made by all of the posts
i'm more of a person who enjoys puns
you banana hammock.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'
the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Dermot and Tony, were sent for. Dermot went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Dermot said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over.
Dermot looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange so he brought Tony in to identify the body. Tony took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Tony looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
"Well, Paddy had two assholes" said Tony
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes.
Every time we went into town, folks would say "Here comes Paddy with them two assholes"
(I would also accept "scared")
(thats not a joke btw)
its probably my favourite part of the book. That or any of the parts featuring Don Gately
one says to the other: I bet you a fiver that you can't reach the meat on that shelf
other man says: no, the steaks are too high!
just heard that...a bit long winded but there you go. anyone know any GOOD jokes?
Apparently he was out standing in his field.