I saw an old lady get knocked down by a bus today.

It was totally not cool. At once it was among some of the most incredible and most horrific scenes I’ve ever witnessed.

We all knew it was going to happen. She crossed at the traffic lights, the man was red, the light was green. She was walking very slowly and the bus was going at a brisk 20mph. It was quite odd when it happened because everything slowed right down then sped up really fast. The bus connected with her frail frame, then her head snapped round and she went eight feet.

It was chaos. It happened at the bus station in my town, so there were all these buses that couldn’t get moving and all these people being gratuitously parasitic as we are all programmed to be. There were some people who were too busy being engrossed in the accident that they were just wandering onto the road, risking their lives. I had never seen this kind of thing happen before but I tried to act blasé about it and keep walking towards my bus stop, but I kept having quick glances back. I was glad I had on headphones and couldn’t hear the pandemonium.

I was nervous I would burst out laughing though. Do you ever get that? When you witness or hear about something truly awful, instead of getting all sadfaced about it you find that you’re holding back laughter? Nervous laughter. What’s that line? “I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral”. I’ve seen dead bodies and stuff and am okay with death, but that was pretty weird. I’m not sad though or shaken up or anything.

I remembered that my mum and dad are going to the 90th birthday party of a lady they know and I thought “Oh shit, what if that’s her? That would be totally crap.”

You ever witnessed this sort of thing?