Boards
I wish I was a First World War Hero
You know, the kind you'd likely read in a Boy's Own adventure story and that.
Or like Flashheart in Blackadder Goes Forth - a dashing, daring Squadron commander who says stuff like: "If word gets out that I'm missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. And I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face! Woof!" while thrusting his crotch.
Why aren't wars like that anymore? It seemed like great fun.