- I am deriving great humour from people walking past my window and stopping to ask themselves what they're listening to. They're listening to Anal Cunt.

- I bought new shoes yesterday. They're identical to the pair I had previously, but with four white stripes. They're also the colour of Caramac. Mmm.

- Q: What is the difference between a Lacanian and an elephant?

A: A Lacanian resituates Freudian concepts in a context that is not biologically determined, while an elephant has a huge trunk.