NOT REALLY! But imagine if I was?

Methusela for a boy, Kandi-kane for a girl, nursery three times a week, spanish, italian and french tutors twice monthly (each), no dummy just teat, rocked to sleep every night in the crook of my arm, john coltrane pumped into baby's room to breed schizophrenic, weekly tea time rota, park on saturdays - feed the ducks, transport museum then home. Baby sick on my skinny jeans, no smoking around baby for courtesy, baby taught to play marimba at early age to facilitate quirk in later life. Baby levis. Nappy bags in a guitar case and cappucinno ice cream as a treat.