I've never done one before - Here goes:

KAKing Their Pants - Chelsea prepare an £80m bid for Kaka

Not for any denari Scoalri! - Kaka says he's Rossoneri for life

Batman and ROBINHO - One Brazilian is off to the King's Road however

Do the Wright-Phillips Thing - Winger told to chose between Man City and Everton

M'Bia myself - Everton's offer for Cameroon midefielder accepted

Que Riera, Riera - Liverpool close in midfielder who will probably be endlessly rotated and played out of position

Kanga-mover - Blackburn and Stoke jockey for Akala

All Hel breaks loose - 4 Championship sides battle for striker Helguson's signature

Get on up - Gordon Strachan plans a move for the recently deceased soul singer James Brown

He's not 'Emman - Adebayor could be dropped for an indifferent display. surely fi that was the case he wouldn't play much

AND Finally - Anderson's hair's a mess because he couldn't find a braider. I mean really. Really. What has football become? A braider. Good lord