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I'm hard right now
"Major Announcement"
Apparently.
it'll most likely be a new sponsor, or something.
I can't believe a world record transfer would be done that quick, and without details being leaked.
Neither can I
but then considering how few of this summer's transfer sagas yielded anything, it would be amusing
Maybe Fwank
has signed a new contract.
I'm getting carried away by the mass suicides on Redcafe at the idea of them having a player who could match Ronnie, I think.
You're probably right,
but I like fantasy land, it makes me happy.
But they'd know fans wouldn't see a new sponsir as a big deal
And would therefore feel pissed off at the anti-climax.
Lampard sounds a good bet if it's not a player in.
Pat Lampard - The Comeback.
^ sorry.
:D
I liked it
Who do you support kissinginkansas?
Oh god
:D
Chelsea in throw enough money at it and we're bound to win something shocker.
Deluded
"Peter Kenyon: look at this huge lunch I had! I'm so great!"
*press conference ends*
:D
Lampard signing a new contract, probably
SSN are hyping this up but they've been so full of shit this summer it's been unreal.
SSN? Hyping something up?!
I'm not having it.
They're opening a new shop, or something.
^ this.
He'll sign a 2-year deal just to shut the fans up, with the proviso that the club sell him to Inter next summer.
either new lamps contract
or robinho (hopefully)
or something boring.
Robihno?
It'll just be Scolari
pulling silly faces. And the press will lap it up without realising nobody's said anything.
Pizarro to Hull.
This ain't no technological breakdown
Oh no, it's Pizarro, to Hull.
I appreciated this
even if noone else did
Cheers. It's good to know I'm not being wasted around here.
I've just read
suggestions they may have nicked Berbatov....
They're probably balls though. Right?
definite shit.
but that would be amazing if true.
Imagine Anelka and Berbatov playing together
they might accumulate a mile's running between them.
We nicked Robben and Mikel from Utd,
so who knows? It would be a massive shock.
Kenyon sees United try to buy player.
Kenyon bids 50billion for said player.
Same every year, innit?
^ Ha ha
I'd love that...
well he was a boyhood chelsea fan
*Newcastle
infact, they're still the team he follows.
facepalm
Stop making me excited
I'm going to cream my pants if this happens
^ Please don't make him cream his pants
please
Abramovich and Shinawatra have swapped clubs....
formed the superclub of all superclubs
their players, manager, pitch & money, but in our stadium, and with Elano playing left-back.
All that money
and still playing in a council house? ;)
"We're sad to report than Roman was killed in armed combat in Georgia..."
the entire playing staff are up for sale, and to pay off the £500m debt we'll probably have to turn the ground into flats."
I reckon it's Lampard signing a new contract
SSN are building it up as that
and they always know what news conferences are about.
I agree, and it seems the berbatov move is definitely on
I hope it isn't
Lampard can fuck off
now I know we disagree about Chelsea a lot DK
but surely even you realise he's really importnat to us, even if getting him to sign has been a right royal pain in the arse.
No player is bigger than the club
Most of your players
are bigger than Chelsea.
Lampard's contract/transfer saga
clearly demonstrates otherwise.
Chelsea is just a platform
for star players.
Nah
True
I knew eventually you'd see the light
Is he still though?
I mean Ballack was really coming into form at the end of the season and you have Deco too.
I'm not convinced Lampard's significantly better than those two (especially if his heart's not there).
If he went you'd cope, no problem...
it's not Lampard
Zola appointed assistwang manager, apparently.
Chelsea TV's free today, btw.
from 5, weirdly.
nah
that's on friday bud.
It is today.
"Blues news special"
show me
all i've seen on chelseafc.com is;
Chelsea TV will build-up to the first game of the season by offering all Sky Digital subscribers a chance to watch all things Blue for free on Friday 15th August, from 5pm
5:01pm today
Blues News Special
An exclusive interview with a big Blues star.
Lampard.
really?
that's awesome
Calvin Zola.
haha
;)
actually
i think it might just be a new stadium...
By 5 we will have listed every single possibility
except the one it is
except it's Lampard's contract.
it's a new stadium pigfoot
£10 says it's not
i don't have 10 pounds
:(
How convenient
If you're so sure, you needn't worry. :-)
haha
what do you think it is? i bet you one banana. i don't have money but i have bananas.
I think it's Lampard contract
particularly with the Blues News (i) thing.
one banana says it's a new stadium
(Y)
Oh, it's on
Got that banana ready?
*prepares to receive banana*
BANANA! BANANA! BANANA!
Wheeeeeeeeeeey!
haha
can you send bananas in the post?
"Scolari marries goat"
"Ruud Gullit reinstated as manager"
God comes back for number 25 shirt
<3
I pray to Zola every night
"Kenyon goes under bus"
at 5pm tonight, with another go tomorrow morning.
So then at 5 o'clock expect to see
the following announced:
*Lampard signs new contract
*Drogba is staying
*Kaka & Berbatov join the club
*Zola returns as assistant manager
*A new stadium is being built
*Pizzaro is leaving to go and play for Hull
*Scolari marries goat
*Kenyon announces that he had an amazing lunch
maybe not in that order
Another slow day at Chelsea FC
I would love to see all of this announced
even the last 2, just for the comedy value. Someone should make up a fake press conference for the lols as a piss take.
also rumours
that Joe Cole might be on his way to Villa once Chelsea sign Robinho.
Bloody transfer window, I wish they'd get shot of it if only to spare us the frenzied speculation and media bullshit.
Joe Cole definitely wants to stay in London
I just made that up, but it's definitely true. Welcome home, Joe. Hope you're prepared to play for nothing.
I heard
Cole to Liverpool, which probably makes more sense.
I would cry if this happened
I love Joe Cole & I hate Liverpool.
Get the tissues ready,
I've heard this one too
doesn't mean it's going to happen though
You should still get the tissues ready, just in case its about Kaka
then I'll need my cock ready
but I doubt we'd be able to sign him that quickly.
Yeah.
Even if Chelsea were prepared to offload Cole I just think bigger clubs than Villa'd make a move for him. And if Villa came in for him I reckon he'd stay.
He's been out the side before and forced his way back in so I wouldn't have thought he'd panick even if he isn't in Scolari's immediate plans.
Not sure why I failed to spell panic...
Might if he's not in Capello's, though
Young's got to be pushing him very hard now. Needs regular football.
Wouldn't that make Villa a mistake?
Essentially the only team outside the top 4 where he'd be at risk of not being first choice in the role he plays for England...
He'd definitely play
Might move to the right or play through the middle (personally, I think that's his best position), but he's not going to be kept out the side by Reo-Coker or Petrov.
Sure
but wouldn't he want to be playing regularly on the left if he wanted to improve his England chances?
I don't think so necessarily
if he played on the right regularly, I'd play him there ahead of Bentley/Beckham/Lennon no worries.
That actually hadn't occured to me.
So would I.
I have also heard this
he'd be a much better signing for them than Barry, so let's hope it doesn't happen.
except chelsea
wouldn't sell to liverpool.
^
only because they're scared of them.
lol
You can lol all you like but that is really the reason.
I mean essentially the reason they'd not sell to Liverpool is they're rivals and there's a risk it could backfire on them.
Ok, "seeing Liverpool as a threat" and "being scared of them" aren't the exact same things but they're close...
yep
definitely, and they're getting stronger...they're hulking up.
but
as long as they have rafa benitez they will not win the premiership.
I'm not sure that's necessarily true
but certainly I think Benitez has failed to make the right signings at times.
or realise what his best team is
or focus on the premiership. it seems to him the champions league is the most important competition.
If you were generous you could put that down to pragmatism
in that Liverpool have proved they can get to CL finals and certainly up 'til now they've never had a strong enough squad to challenge for the Premiership and win. If they got Cole and another top-class wide player I reckon they would now have enough (tho' I'm not sure about full-back options...)
exactly
Benitez is well aware that his squad hasn't been strong enough to win the Premiership so he's concentrated on the Champions League, not that anyone at Liverpool would come out and say that they're simply not good enough.
they don't need to win the Premier League to be rivals.
An English club breaks your heart in Europe every year. Might aswell be them.
except last year
and the curse is lifted. we know how to beat them in europe now, we just need to get avram back to help out big phil.
well, United did it last year
probably Arsenal's turn.
yeah, on penalties
what a well calculated victory. Arsenal wouldn't beat us over 2 legs, they've not got the physical strength.
i've heard a little whisper...
Gus Poyet in as First Team Coach.
This is all.
stop adding to the confusion
srrrssslly.
hes going to Man U
Gus
isn't going anywhere
how shit will it be if it is FatWank signing a new deal?
It's hardly Ronaldo re-signing for United or something, is it? Pub player signs new deal for team of bores. So what.
King Kev
He must be involved, the force is strong this afternoon.
Yawn!
Go focus on your own team then. Ronaldo re-signing for Utd wouldn't exactly be earth shattering either.
Dimitri Kharine - Director of Football.
Frank Sinclair - Director of Solid Defending
Eddie Newton - Director of Looking Life Frank Sinclair
^ racist
I can just imagine him sitting all day in his office
tapping his pencil and puffing his cheeks waiting for something to do.
Harassing the work-experience...
"Did i ever tell you about my Cup Final goal?, 25-yarder, i did, hmmm...."
* like
i'm surprised more of you haven't thought it's Robinho?
Talks are at a far advanced stage then Kaka, Berba etc.
If I were a betting man, i'd plump for the Lampard story. However, if it's not a new signing, I hope it's Gianfranco coming back in some capacity - would be amazing!
i very much doubt
that it'll be a player signing as i'm sure that would have leaked somewhere what with all the travel and medicals involved and whatnot.
even though i kinda hope it is as this is the singular most exciting thing that has happened to me today.
best day on DiS maybe ever.
a few people have actually
a double swoop
for Marian Pahars and Peter Fear. You heard it here first
i'm not sure you could play the pair of them in the same side.
I can just picture all the kids in south-east Asia
slinging their United and Liverpool shirts in the bin and replacing them with Pahars/Fear Chelsea replicas. Just the signings Kenyon is looking for imo.
The Fear > Essien
I was drinking in the same pub
as Peter Fear the other day - the guy is a local legend in my town.
I really hope it is Kaka
just for Pocketmouse's reaction
"chelsea to sign kaka and santa cruz"
pocketmouse dies.
"Abramovic buys Formula 1 & Pokemon...
...couple in York hide the knives"
Now you've got me singing Therapy? :D
Couple of what?
Plus, that probably wouldn't even be a bad thing for F1.
*becomes a Chelsea fan
so it wouldn't be that bad.
^ this
would be what actually happened
Like hell
One of a few teams I couldn't possibly ever support. Plus, I'm not supporting any team other than Milan for Kaka. I'm never going to support more than one in any given country, and Roque got there first. So that's just tough luck.
Sky:
"we understand it is to do with the future of Frank Lampard".
"Sky Sports understands"
is one of the worst phrases ever. EVER
True, very true.
It is a bit of an oxymoron
Never wrong in this kind of situation, though
they are often wrong
Not in these situations
because they're hanging round at the press conference location and inevitably information is leaked at some point. It will be Lampard on a new contract. No doubt about it. And the way they've been presenting it, they've been pretty sure of that since the initial announcement.
i should hope not
seeing as they'll have a dozen employees setting up at the ground as we speak.
MARCEL DESAILLY
1st TEAM COACH.
DONT TELL ME THIS COULDNT BE INCREDIBLE.
WELL YOU KNOW
BIG PHIL, YOUR MOUSTACHE, IT IS THE CRAZY
THE PLAYER
MUST HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THE BACK OF THE PITCH. DROGBA LOOK A LITTLE FATTY.
for sure
hahaha
but then we'd have to do without his amazing commentary
"Willy is looking a bit, how you say, fatty".
i presume hed do a queiroz
and do all the post match interviews. priceless.
sky sports news ticker
says frankie lampard has signed a new deal...
terrible news
what is?
:-O
Scolari sacked. wtf?
what are you on about?
Just come up on SSN
bizarre
that's really odd¬!!¬"
you're seeing it too, yeah?
OFFICIAL:
Frank Lampard signs new 3-year contract.
+ Chelsea sign Luis Figo on 1-year deal.
the last one isn't true surely
please tell me you're joking.
i'm not yoking.
put Chelsea TV on at 5pm.
why do we need him?
luis figo isnt joining chelsea
you plum
Merchandise
Figo's
I go.
So Lampard joins Ronaldo and Adebayor in doing a U-turn because they couldn't pressure a move to another club. I bet the bastard will be kissing his ring.
What a great announcement
English player in bottling playing overseas shocker
Well that was one big two-and-a-half hour yawn
Kenyon in thinking people
give a toss shocker
Chelsea are mugs, really.
Giving a past-it fatboy over £35m just to stay, boo hoo.
i owe pigfoot a banana
Too right you do
*spreads cheeks*
HAHA!
i'll send you it in the post. what's your address?
Yeah right,
so you can come round and stab me for beating you fair and square? Not falling for that one again.
This is quite LOLZ
A MAJOR NEWS CONFERENCE to reveal a player has signed a new contract, with WORLD EXCLUSIVES on Chelsea TV.
But small time, innit? Big clubs don't make such a big fucking deal over retaining their players.
*Bit
even
Well,
Man Utd have been pretty vocal on wanting to keep Ronaldo - they seem to care about that and don't shut up about it.
Not really.
Nothing like it in fact. There's been little coming out of the club officially, bar the occasional 'he's going nowhere', and regardless, that's a different situation.
When Carrick and Brown signed new contracts, there was no great big 'IMPORTANT' stuff shoved all over the media - it was sorted and then announced, no fuss. I don't even think there was this kind of circus when Keane was 6 months off going years back.
I'm not having a go at Chelsea, just Kenyon. He's ridiculously small time, right down to that crap going up ahead of the team with a grin on his face in Moscow, like he's some equal to Bobby Charlton.
Utterly appalling decision in my opinion.
Their intial stance (not giving astronomical 5 year contract to a 29 year old player) was a very sensible one and, as DK had said early in the thread, suggested no player is bigger than the club.
Giving him the contract suggests the opposite is true and pretty needlessly in this case.
i think they're just protecting theirselves.
So long as he's got more than two years on his deal he's a £15m player at the very least. They'll flog him next summer.
well I'm pleased that Lampard is staying
although the contract is too long for a player of his age, which I thought was the issue in the first place.
I'd like to know what wage he is on
No report seems to say, but they all suggest he had to 'compromise'
so that's probably £130'000 a week
instead of a £140'000. Poor, poor man.