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What was the reason for it?
i was 13
or do they hunt you down and taser you like the Combine in half life?
is pretty taboo though.
i was banned from being friends with someone, because she used to steal money from other schoolchildren then give me some. but i didn't know she was stealing, i just thought she was being nice. then she told her mum i was an accomplice. it upset me so much.
and then about six years later when i was thirteen we became friends again and she started shoplifting and i got banned from being her friend again. apparently she lost her virginity when she was twelve, up the bum.
poor vikram, finger in every pie. ;)
That's like saying "Apparently she lost her virginity when she was twelve, in the mouth".
has a speech impediment
there was also a story about someone at our school losing their virginity at twelve up the bum, which makes me think it might well be one of those weird things kids make up.
not true, but the story at our school was a girl losing her virginity on the steps of a mobile classroom and the teacher had to clean up the blood in the morning.
Using a bra as a slingshot
when I was 10, because I said 'shit' when I lost at Mario Kart.
was banned from my house for setting up Home Alone style traps. My Gran got hit on the head by a book balanced above a door.
You've been framed would surely have got him back on the house with 250 quid in the pocket
had, it'd have been brilliant.
(sorry to your nan!)
hid in my gfs cupboard for over an hour and then found by her stepdad
...you must be 'ard considering your rebellious stage was pre-pubescent. Unless your 'tropics'' sprouted early. Myne have only just arrived. :D
...I had one of them lollipops that played Hanson. Hard as cunts.
for beating up a mutual friend of me and the householder in the living room. I'd like to say I was 13 at the time but we were all in our 30's at the time, sigh
more recently from the house of a couple I know, not for any reason beyond them being the centre of a creepy little clique which has gradually shrunk to four people including them
Remember having two friends banned from my house though. "She looks like a slapper and trouble" / "He looks like trouble".
The parents were right on both counts.
...she once sold me to Russia.
And Dad used to do the standard 'wank off the second born,''...he was alright.
This girls parents came home from holiday two hours early on Sunday and opened up their front door to find two boxes for Ann Summers sex toys laying on the floor, an empty vodka and empty beer bottles everywhere, fag ash in the kitchen, fag ash in the toilet, fag ash in the living room, a dominos pizza selection open and covered in fag ash in the living room, drug remnants and rolled up notes on the coffee table and cat shit everywhere after some idiot (me)thought it would be a good idea to feed the cat Ben & Jerry's Banana flavoured ice cream and Dairylea Dunkers. Whilst they were busy hitting the roof I was busy working out how the Hell i was going to get out of their alive. Her mum was convinced that my friend had been having a party but the silly girl thought she'd get in less trouble if she said that it was only me and her there all weekend. And now i'm banned for life from ever rturning. Not that I was going to after that.
It's a known fact that Cat's despise Dairylea, you stupid boy.
P.s. For future reference...Otters hate Heinz (but that's because their liberals).
And i mean really liked it! It didn't like the crispy tube things much at all but it loved the cheese. And the little shit didn't eat the chocolate bananas or the waluts out of the ice cream, which meant that there was a little saucer on the floor full of little chocolate bananas and walnuts which made it fairly obvious why the cat was ill.
Damn you evidence! Damn you!
i.e. did you get some minge?
just because you gave it ice cream
The worst of it was; the cat belongs to her disabled little brother. He had been on holiday with the parents for a week and all I heard was him saying "Copper!!! (the cats name). Come here Copper. There's a good boy. Ewww!!! Mum!!! Copper just pooed on me!" and then he started to cry and call the cat names. I was too busy cowering upstairs but the cat shat all over his favourite jumper.
the cat bit had me in fits of laughter. :D
I don't really blame the cat but it should have known it's limits.
It was just a bit of a party and i fed the cat that stuff after she had gone to bed because it seemed hungry and kept looking at me funny.
I thought you meant she told the truth when saying it was all just the two of you being a pair of crappy slobs instead of lying about it being a 'party'.
Still, not very good...
And we were being sexy crappy slobs.
You're right though- in the cold light of sobriety i'm not proud of myself.
Were you not in a almost serious relationship? Tis a "Terry & June" moment the old parents arriving home too soon tabacle. Always over estimate the due time man. Could have been a totally different scene.
No, i haven't been in a serious relationship ever since my heart turned to ice and melted.
I nudged her at 9 and said "Let's clean up" seh said leave it til 10. They were due to be home at 11 andthen came home the very second we were mobilising ourselves into cleaning action. It was just bad timekeeping. I'd like to think they'll laugh about it one day.
as a friend, a whole new debate right there, f buddy/gf I get but friend? I suppose your heart is Ice so perhaps you can't mouth the word girlfriend anymore (without feeling sick) like so many of you poor sod's. Good story man, we missed you.
She's a friend who is a woman and that, as they say, is that.
when I was 14 because I was English! Really open-minded parents
for hitting him over the head with the case of a playstation game :(
My friend's dad told me to leave his house after I accidently walked dogshit all over his white carpet. Fun times.
He wouldn't have noticed white dog poo!
and put it in a biscuit tin with his spangles collection.
WHITE DOG POO!
He was a lovely guy and we used to go bowling with him but my brother, next door neighbour and me thought it was hilarious to go into his house (something he didn't mind if we went straight in and spoke to him) and turn up his stereo as loud as it could go with the Queen song, Fat Bottomed Girls before making a run for it. It was the summer holidays and we had been at this trick for a good two weeks solidly and were revelling in the fact that the rest of the neighbourhood thought it was the deaf man, Bob, who couldn't stop listening to this song about ladies big behinds at full blast. It was my turn to go and do it so I creeped in to his house and put on Queens Greatest Hits as loud as it would go before pegging it. Just as the first few bars of Fat Bottomed Girls rang out, his care worker, who had been hiding in a cupboard, jumped out and caught me and took me straight home to my mum. I was never allowed in his house again.
As a result i'm shit at bowling, just like everything else. My one chance to excel at something and i fucked it up.
No one is. Please divulge.
the old Irish boys in my mates pub were calling eachother it. We used to call eachother it and i liked the sound of it.
I quite like your version of it though.
his parents didn't trust us.
We turned up anyway against his wishes because after all they wern't there and we were gone by the time they got back. We knew he wanted us there but was just scared of his parents so it wasn't that twatish of us to turn up.
Because "I am unpleasant, and don't make conversation"
You miserable little sociopath.
from this girl's house. which was ridiculous because the girl was a total wrong un. but her drug dealer mum thought i was leading her daughter astray. when rly it was her fault that i was smoking/ drinking/getting off with boys/bunking school and NOT MINE. CRLY NOT MINE.
although i should be banned from one persons house for -
exploding a deodrant can in his pond.
spilling alcohol over his carpet.
in one night.
i dont know how his parents slept through that.
I'd already been banned from this mate's house because I'd gone round there and had a go on his dad's acoustic guitar and broken a string. Somehow this was a bannable offence, that's the kind of people they were.
Anyway, one day, we're out and about and my mate decides that we need to pop back to his place to get some money for some fags. I reminded him that I had been banned but he gleefully informed me that his parents had gone out for the day and so it wouldn't matter if we popped in for five minutes; if we wanted we could have a drink in there as well. Obviously, I didn't fancy risking the latter but agreed to the former.
Anyway, we got in and went up the stairs where I was told to wait in his room whilst he went into his dad's room and presumably stole some money. No sooner had I perched on the corner of his bed but the front door went and the hordes of fucking dogs his mother had ran to it. 'John! John!' came this barking (it was hard to tell which was the dogs, hur hur) and his father then unlocked the door; they were in.
Now, this cretinous mate of mine hadn't bargained for this and shat himself, running down the stairs and going 'Noone's here! Just me! Not even Ross!' 'He'd better fucking not be!' At that point, I silently cursed him and nearly wet my undies.
He ran back upstairs and into his room. 'What am I gonna do?' I asked. 'You'll have to go out of the window' he said, sounding as if it was the norm round those parts. Okay, I thought, fine. We're upstairs but there's going to be one of those flat roof things some houses have at the side; I can get onto that, then jump down. How wrong I was.
As this bastard shoved me out of the window, me wearing (don't laugh) huge DM's, tartan bondage trousers, a Manics hoody and a silly hairstyle, I tried to get a footing only to realise that the fucking 'flat roof' bit was not only virtually vertical, but that my sodding boots were knocking tiles off it before I'd even got them both on it. What actually happened was that, as I came right out of the window, the tiles went off one by one, I slid down, kicked off the guttering and fell in a dirty great heap. In front of one of those window-door things. Which her parents were standing behind in shock.
His psycho mother yelled 'Boy on the roof! Boy on the roof!' I turned round to the front of his garden and saw a fence - it was my only chance. Imagining myself as Den in Eastenders, leaping over the bar, I went for it. And jumped through it, taking it with me and landing on my mouth.
The mad mother chased me for what seemed like ages but, despite severe cuts and bruises, adrenalin saw me to safety.
The best bit is that they hadn't seen me before and thought they'd had a break-in and so called the old bill. The police were out looking for me but I managed to make it to my cousin's place. In the meantime, the police had a look round my mate's house and told his parents it had to be an inside job.
I certainly wasn't allowed back after that.
and burn the house down whilst they were sleeping?
Please say "Christmas Eve"
I got banned from my friends house for having a felt tip pen fight. I started winning and then my friend called his bear of a dad who went absolutely fucking mental at me an threw me out of the house.
screaming at the screen cos you made a spelling mistake. Let that hair down and go mess some shit up.
Drink some juice.
Live a little.
Even Mr Blobby had days when he just chilled out.
Let it go
But just do what you feel like, man. No one's gonna bring that shit up on your death bed. Just go get yourself a good 24 or 36 pack pen set and start chucking that coloured shit at anything that moves.
Alhough you get a free dog, blindness i not fun.
And what did you think was going to happen?
for pissing in her linen cupboard (seriously, its called that) while drunk.
you are my consience.
from 2 peoples houses actually.
Friend no. 1.jumped off a wall after me,hurting his ankle,also bitting his tongue.looked worse than it was,but the parents freaked to see their son limping home with blood on his face.
Friend no. 2.Sent him on a dodgey clip of snoopy bumming pikachoo...don't ask
it ruined ALL THE WALLS.
for being such a little cunt, he accrued a number of offences such as playing knock-off ginger on my house WHILE I WAS IN, for persistently raiding the biscuit tin and taking all the good biscuits or taking bites then hiding them in my room until a trail of ants would eventually give away their whereabouts.
The final straw was when my bed-head thing got stabbed to shit by a pen knife... Not only was the bastard banned (on the way out he stole several foreign coins) but I attempted to pop his sorry arse with an air rifle.
He has since grown up to pursue a career as a full time reprobate.
A couple who had left the pub early, refused a few friends and myself entry to their house after closing time on the grounds we were a little to drunk.
My mate bet me I couldn't get on the roof which I subsequently did. During my attempts to climb up I was holding my beer bottle in my mouth and chipped a couple teeth.
Once up there, it was decided it would be hilarious to pour a vessel of water found in the neighbouring graveyard down the chimney.
Surprised that nothing happened, I looked down the chimney to meet a ball of steam on its way up which knocked me off the roof.
I was rather sore the next day but apparently their living room was black.
I was NEVER allowed in that house.
...a post with links to each of scutterbuckets stories? I can't find them or i'd do it myself.
It'd be ace to have a nice compendium of his awesome tales that i can save in my favourites.
Give the man what he wants! ;)