tonight there was a girl so beautiful i flinch-grimaced. she was in a drunk-scattered group of young-un's walking slow, with all the time in the world. as i walked through them, one said "he looks like he should be with us" and another "yeah, come out with us, it's my 18th birthday". instinctively, i refused, like in prison when you are offered something, but must refuse because that person would then own you. i could have changed my mind, of course, but i knew where it would most likely end: me wanting to try it on with a girl ten years younger than me, but being too nice and waking up with a hangover. how can something as good as strangers reaching out like that make me feel so sad?