It's just coming up to 7.30, I'm your host LBC, this is the newwwwwwwwwws
First up tonight, one DiS news employee's valiant struggle home on public transport. His words: "Sod the f***ing central line and National Express can go do one....20 minutes sat five minutes from my home because the signals were broken? You could see the damned platform, you complete pillock."
Enthralling stuff, and we apologise for the delay to the news.
FIRE and CHAOS in Stoke Newington. Will the artisans survive. We're live at the scene with reporters Bamos and Sadpunk.
DiS Comes face to face with KNIFE SLASHER RIPPER CRIME. Our dark and humourous take on the subject is here:
And now to Politics, and Cliche Guevara provokes a debate on toynbee, Heffer and the greatness of Britain. Parents and young children should beware, this report contains strong opinions and tories, which may distress some viewers:
He's wowed us with his politics, his charm and his hugely long posts...but has creakyknees finally lost it? This reporter says no, but a pressure group says yes. Again, we're live at the scene:
Klaire- Should she whore her body for money? Men say yes, women say no. More on the infamous icon who's enthralling and appalling boarders:
Our special report tonight focuses on sexism, and how it really can be funny at times. Danielkelly brings us this. Mirri, I hope you're watching:
And now, Raz brings us something from entertainment. They're depressed, they like chains and listen to The Cure, and they're going on a cruise with a film crew....
And finally Sport, and it's cricket, with an entertaining report from out resident experts Pigfoot_, JohnM and Snow_brigade, plus some unlikely, yet familiars faces cropping up along the way
I've been LBC, you've been watching the DiS News, and remember kids, The Internet Is Serious Business. Goodnight
*The News is looking for co-anchors. Preferably female ones, who don't mind flirting with me. Apply within.*