Every six months, my mother attaches the photo she prizes above all others completely pointlessly to an email. I received the most recent bi-annual cruelty this morning.
Back in the crazy summer holidays of 1999, I decided to get my hair dreaded, before 24 hours later realizing what everyone else already knew - dreads suck enormous Manatee titties - and so I tried to brush them out, leading to a failure of tremendous proportions: a caucasian afro of 6-inch radius where my normally straight hair used to be. And then rather tragically, while playing with my 2 year old niece the following day, she suddenly grabbed the piercing at the top of my ear lobe and power-jumped off the couch. I took the piercing out, but when I woke up the next day it had somehow got infected, leading to an alarmingly puffy bright red ear and mild swelling on the cheek on that side.
By a cruel convergence of events I had created a unique fusion of Saturday Night Fever and John Merrick for a look best described as 'Disco Elephant Man' (it hasn't taken off yet). Mercifully it fell in the middle of the school holidays so I could hide in the shadows until my regular, only slightly more appealing Chevy Chase re-emerged. In the meantime I had to endure the sort of cruelty and degrading barbarism I thought had long since vanished from the world from my parents and three younger brothers.
Anyway, describe your equally shitty photos below. And if you're really really stupid and don't care that any future boy/girl that you fancy will never look at you again, post it....