"We're sixty-eight minutes into the Spain-Italy quarter final and at the risk of sounding like one of those stupid old Tory cunts who threatened to leave Britain if Labour got elected in 1997 (Andrew Lloyd Webber, take a frog-faced fucking bow you fucking LIAR), I say this – IF ITALY WIN EURO 2008 THEN I WILL LEAVE PLANET EARTH. Since Gattuso 'lit up' the 2006 Tournament with his wide-faced protestations of incredulity (see blogs passim) I didn't think it was possible to be so angry with football/footballers but the buoyantly-moustached Luca Toni is currently engaged in cheating so seriously and completely that it's difficult to watch the game through the TEARS OF DISBELIEF.

Football doesn't have to be this way."