When you walk out of the newsagent, can in hand, pat yourself on the back because you have just made a very good choice. Picture yourself grasping the can as little trickle's of water run down it and the suns reflection gives it an almost angelic quality. The image evoked is of watermelons, summertime, ice cubes; refreshment.
As it dawns on you that the can is indeed carbonated you approach quickly the first hurdle which could cause your experience to come crashing down. In order to conquer this you must understand that such a temperamental, fizzy delight does not respond well to agitation or perforation, but only to correct consumption. Avoiding dropping, ripping, piercing or shaking the can, with trepidation you raise it to an operable height.
Using your index and middle finger as one you tap the top of the tube, dispelling any excess pressure inside and ensuring you do not end up with a sticky mess on your hands. You nimbly use the tab for leverage and open the can.
Sup o' the cola, your job is complete. You disgust me. Now go home and clean yourself up.