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I just found out the lift at work has a 'close doors button'.
"Can you hold that doo......"
at people generally who are stupid or fat.
taking pleasure in people failures when you know they were full of shit to start with.
frightening and teasing them and stuff
I love it.
like today, when i was nearly an hour late for work. i loved breezing in and going "sorry i'm late, i... i just couldn't be arsed getting out of bed".
or like last week when my friend phoned me and said "meet me up town, now" and i appeared two hours later.
i also like the standards:
laughing at fat people, old people and people who fall over and all that
laughing at other peoples misfortune
eating more than I need to when I could easily share
fouling people in any sport
conning pensioners out of money.
and putting them back together, but missing a vital component.
corby trouser press
He was generally being a dick and making snide comments about my appearance, so I pushed the 'close doors' button as he was getting off the train. I hope it hurt.
with lovehearts on
when I know someone I don't like is about to use it.
always gives me a bit of a buzz
as an excuse, but really I just like the attention
not worthy of it thou, u know that right?
I'll admit occasionally doing it..
I feel this every time a person squeezes themselves between tube/bus armrests next to me.
bellies on purpose so they see
with a really angry look on my face
rather than holding them open. Though I'd only do that if they deserved it - for example, anyone who's not thanked me for holding the door for them in the past can get to fuck.
I'm certainly partial to the odd spot of schadenfreude, it has to be said.
Saying: "DON'T MENTION IT!" really loudly is also very good.
though I'm probably a bit over-zealous about it. I make a mental note of everyone around the office who doesn't give me enough credit for holding the door.
It's very satisfying to just give the door a subtle flick backwards with your fingers and then have a quick look over your shoulder to see your target struggle as the door comes flying at them.
I was about 14. PWN3D
milkshake tuesday :P
You sick fuck!
on the music board.
I know I shouldn't, I know it perpetuates the stereotype of 'typical snobby dissers' but... they really are shit. And I can't help but point it out. It's a compulsion.
I've done that.
and shut your lamps off?
I'd bring him to the laundrette.
Laughing harder if they hurt themselves.
I know it's awful but I can't help it.
I saw this bloke in a shopping precinct, slipping about all over the place. He slipped on his arse - the floor was pretty wet to be fair - but what was really comical was the way he skidded across the floor as he tried to get back on his feet.
In the end some of the staff from the nearby travel agents had to bring a chair out for him, so he could sit for a while and regain his composure.
He was about 60 or so, so not too old for it to be funny.
you don't deliberately wave at small children who are being escorted to the door of the tube as it's coming to a stop....
... and then laugh when they let go to wave back and fall over.
I would not do this.
buy large bags of pic'n'mix in front of really stroppy children and their parents.
That wouldn't be nice.
putting it on at rush hour and walking around the subway system whilst talking loudly and obnoxiously on my mobile and bumping past people.
It's fun to think that in some other person's life they will think of you, for a split second, as "stupid business prick".
Community support officers
is the height of wankerdom.
I hate this 'oh you can't be rude to service staff' attitude. Some of them whom I have been served by are complete tossers. I am never rude for the sake of being rude, I just can't stand bad manners, and I have had plenty of examples from service staff, so I will continue being rude to those offenders.
who deserve that sort of treatment, quite frankly
but what particularly winds me up is barmen who pass you over (no matter how long you've been waiting) to serve fit girls instead, as if it's really going to get them anywhere.
I mean, it's SUCH a cuntish thing to do - if they just got me my drink when it was my turn I'd be happily out of the way.
At the cinema the other week, I politely asked for my ticket at the counter, and the woman, not even having the decency to look at me, printed the ticket and THREW the ticket at me. I was left with no other option but to say, 'Look, it's not my fault you are having a shit day in your £5 an hour job you fucking bitch'
it wasn't impresseive, although quite gratifying.
sentence massivley contradicts itself.
then fair enough. Apols.
May have been a little quick with the 'ever' there.
at first it sounded like you were being a cunt to them for no good reason which would definitely make you a douchebag.
I'm not rude to people just to act like a cunt, but when I feel aggrieved, I lose it.
would you be rude to them?
'If it's not too much trouble?' or something similar*
*with added expletives
and he shouted at me. Bastard
There are two people who do it every 2 minutes, as if it's a real hassle just for them to exist.
I find this quite annoying. It is isn't it?
Tutting. I FUCKING HATE TUTTING.
I just needed more breath because I was thinking hard
putting your fingers in their mouth when they yawn
touching their ears and whiskers
holding oranges near them
my cat probably hates me :)
Being a cunt when that part of my character really annoys someone
I really enjoy it
He liked it too
Being a pendatic fucker and then rubbing peoples faces in their mistakes.
Sending inappropriate emails to important people when colleagues leave their computers unlocked.
I really enjoy knitting
The point still stands
I was really hoping no one would spot that :(
Example: "It's not 'if I was in your position'; it's 'if I were in your position'. It's the subjunctive."
I think I am genuinely hated in work.
Advocate and being contrary for the sake of it, relentlessly. I will usually do this in situations where I actually agree with someone.
I often enjoy seeing people fall over too. Especially if they have lots of shopping or something.
and not even having the decency to think up a good excuse.
when i know my sister is going to go to the toilet after me.
especially if ive had eggs for brekkie
We cover up all the James Blunt albums with albums by Blondie, Blur, and other nearby artistes.
...I'm not sure that counts, actually.
"I wish your mum was dead", etc.
refusing to help out around the house, even though i'd really be happy to
just generally being horrible to the people i love most. i'm nicest to the people i hate as well...
to fat ugly blokes and being really nice to pretty girls.
Don't worry, I was just being mildly cunty
why in general I hate people.
laughing at peoples jokes, even when i find them funny, then when asked why if i found it funny say something really gay like "hmmm, it's a bit too lowbrow for me".
Minus the comment about it being lowbrow.
-Ridiculing stupid people who are too stupid to realise that I'm doing it.
-Telling people who think you like them "the thing is .... I don't actually like you very much".
-Generally making yourself appear better than other people.
-Conveniently forgetting to pay for your fair share of drinks.
-Smoking peoples weed and not paying for any.
-Making people feel that they have a shit taste in music, by acting like a pretentious knob.
-Tricking people into thinking you fit a certian stereotype and then proving them wrong so they look stupid and judgemental.
can't understand what i mean? you soon will.
on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt
its fun when men chase you in cars and try to run you off the road whilst shouting at you.
I can't hear you, i have headphones in! Ha ha ha
or when you can see that there are no cars about, it gives you precious time before big scary cars start revving and moving away from lights.
Plus, i'm really enjoying getting shouted at by people as i speed past. Today was real fun as the guy in the car was swerving, chasing me and slowing down, then he got stuck in traffic and i was away down the middle of the road..hoooray!
so there...oh, funeral, not death. Bah, probably knowing my luck