New Guy started on Monday. He's Italian. (sitcom centric)
He sounds like Mario. He wears a fedora and silk scarf to work.
I am now going to write a sitcom about him. What is your sitcom about?
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YOU
You, writing a sitcom
Phyllis sees what I am doing
How do you know my Mum?
..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpBGRA6HHtY
Do you want us to leave the room?
A boy who has pretended to have downs syndrome for the last 23 years
even going so far as growing his head a lot bigger, with hillarious results.
brilliant
and he lives in south london.
its called "Epsom Downs syndrome"
*hilarious
*consequences
'Everybody happy!'
'Why you say it like a-that?'
God?
chris_is_cpol
can be in it.
COOL
he can get laid in a barn, it will be like skins.
My sitcom is about a 30yr old cripple
who is afraid of black men and is super right wing. Hes goal in life is to keep the woman in the kitche, the blacks in uganda and the terrorists in 3rd world countries. The sub plot is about his son who constantly harrases and bullies gay kids in school whilst forceing himself onto girls in lower school years.
IT WILL BE MASSIVE
did anyone go
'eh wheresa the tomato?'
Up & About
Leonard Up and Jeff About share a flat together, in which they have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
The series is a ratings disaster, and years later I spend my days in the pub railing against the BBC to anyone who'll listen.
High and Dry
Steve High and his best mate Tony Dry share a studio flat, and whilst Steve is forever trying anything he has read in an attempt to get high (drying out banana skins, etc.) his best mate Tony can't stand getting wet at all. Funny AND coincidental, seeing as their surnames relate to what they like being/would rather remain.
Starring Adrian Edmondson and Martin Clunes.
Ha ha. :)
Cops & Robbers
Mick Cops is coming to terms with life as a retired policeman in a sleepy village in Wiltshire. Clancy Robbers is tired of his life of crime and is ready to settle down.
Hilarity ensues when it is revealed that the two are now neighbours. Further comedy is added with a plot twist in which Clancy steals Cops's identity and defrauds him of his entire life savings.
Planes, Trains and Automobilés
Gerry Planes is a retired actuary living with his life partner, Desmond Trains. Due to a mix-up at their local foster home, they end up adopting Cesar Autmobilés, a 19 year old Cuban who just loves pottery!
Subtitles
Amazing
wow
Freaking Out
Jeremy Freaking is gay and he's ready to come out of the closet. He's also mad.
Ball & Chain
Colin Ball and Barry Chain are retired boxing promoters; they're also neighbours, living with their respective wives - Cheryl and Beryl - in leafy Berkshire. With their double garages, uPVC fascias and dedicated utility rooms, Ball and Chain look to have it all; however, now they've both retired, their wives are filling their days with tedious DIY tasks - when all Colin and Barry want to do is go for a quiet mixed grill!
The sitcom follows our heroes' efforts to elude "the old ball and chain", and the ever-more elaborate stories they spin to escape endless afternoons of bird-table construction and flag-pole installation.
Starring him who played Onslow in 'Keeping Up Appearances', and, I don't know, Bill Nighy.
Spanner In The Works
Jackie Spanner is the new girl on the block; she's the ambitious, go-getting Lead Inspector of Health and Safety at the McBastard Biscuit Works in Dumfries.
But Jackie's by-the-book, evidence-based approach alienates some of the biscuit top-brass - will she fight her corner, or will she crumble?
Wat's Going On
Wat Tyler falls into a time machine and emerges in a post-apocalyptic world controlled by Marvin Gaye.
:D
This is probably the best thing anyone has ever written on the internet
This is my new favourite thread
Pissed Up
After Jeff About is killed in a hit and run accident. Leonard Up, in a pit of despair, decides to hit the bottle. He loses everything he has and he's so angry. He decides to avenge Leonard's death by hunting down his killers and brutally slaying them. With hilarious results.
I just need to get the rights from colonol_k.
Sold!
actuaLOL
Lemon Party
Colin Lemon is friendless. He overhears a conversation on the bus about someone having a party and making several new friends. He just might have an idea...
Tugay One Cup
A fly on the wall mockumentary following a Blackburn midfielder's quest for the Premiership trophy.
excellent
amazing tom
actually amazing
wow
Slap and Tickle
Modern sex comedy, documenting the adventures of John Slap and Maggie Tickle, peripatetic sex therapists, as they address erectile dysfunction and penis envy in far-flung - and adorably 'colourful' - extremeties of this Great Britain.
Bizarrely, does not contain nudity.
Pass The Duchess On The Left Hand Side
Susan Duchess is a hard-as-nails traffic cop who plays by the rules, much to the annoyance of her inept and corrupt superiors. When out one day on patrol a gang of youths undertake her on the motorway - pulling them over sets off a chain reaction, with hilarious consequences! Starring Zoe Wanamaker.
Domestic Violence
Hugh Violence is an officeworker but when his wife gives birth to twins, her superior salary dictates that she must quickly get back to work and Hugh decides to stay home and look after the children. With hilarious consequences.
:D
brilliant
Laser Eye Surgery
Donald Laser has cataracts. There's only one solution. With hilarious consequences.
^ wins at this
A Hard Gay's Night
Fly-on-the-wall comic-documentary following everyone's favourite Japanese bondage fan as he plays pranks on unsuspecting patrons of Tokyo's seedier strip joints.
Pass The Buck
Miguel Buck and LeBron Pass are two accident prone losers who are always trying to pin the blame on each other for their mistakes.
Starring Eamonn Holmes and Fred Dineage.
Hale and MysPace
Feeble career-revival attempt by 80s throwback wit-deserts Hale and Pace, as they sit in a painfully white room and post bulletins.
:D
Please stop
People are looking at me.
brilliant.
actually crying with laughter at this one
Trouble in Paradise
Retired shop-steward and erstwhile scab-baiter Mike Paradise has prostate cancer.
Secret Vasectomy
Dave Vasectomy is bored. His job at Prontaprint is just not fulfilling him. One day he has a brainwave and decides to become a private detective. With hilarious consequences.
10/10
Double Indemnity
Roger Indemnity discovers he was separated from his twin brother at birth. They team up to fight the construction of a new Tesco Express that will drastically lower house prices in their Buckinghamshire village - with hilarious consequences.
Keep On Your Toes
Clark Keep has huge feet. He also loves live music but arrives late and insists on watching the gig from the front row. With hilarious consequences.
Spicy Meatball
Chris Meatball accidentally confuses talcum powder with chilli powder in this utterly implausible sit-com.
Shock & Ore
Craig Shock discovers valuable mineral deposits on the outskirts of his village - but they've also been spotted by a cell of Islamo-fundamentalist miners, bent on raising funds for an unpopular new MegaMosque on the site of the village's historic Wilko's.
It's a race against time to marginalise the land's owner, pressurise him into selling and then exploit the precious ore - with hilarious consequences!
Chilly Con Carne
Don Carne, a serial murderer, breaks out of prison in Alaska. He must make his way south, battling outrageous natives, the feds and the natural habitat. Naturally, hilarity ensues.
Ethnic Cleansing
Ron Ethnic is filthy dirty. He hasn't washed for weeks. Whilst at Lidl, he meets the girl of his dreams. He decides to have a shower to impress her. With hilarious consequences.
Speak of the Devil
Carl Devil is an out-of-work carpenter who always manages to show up when someone is talking about him. Filmed in front of a live studio audience, who shout "speak of the devil!" whenever he appears.
Without hilarious consequences.
:'''')
Diamond In The Rough
Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By The Bell) becomes caddy to octegenarian golf legend Arnold Palmer, with hilarious results.
:D
Genuinely fighting back tears.
Sturm und Drang
Ted Sturm and Jonty Drang are goths with a difference - they're also pensioners, and WW2 veterans! Ted and Jonty challenge preconceptions and address prejudice in this tedious, right-on borefest. Avoid.
Deaf Sentence
Cheryl Sentence temporarily loses her hearing after her 17th Mogwai concert. Can she keep her job as conductor of the London Philharmonic? There's only one way to find out.
Web 2.0
Dave Web is lonely, miserable and depressed. But most of all lonely. He decides to re-invent himself and attempts to woo a variety of different females.
With hilarious consequences.
Mark Mywords
Mark Mywords is fed up of people making fun of his name. He goes to live alone on a remote Scottish island. With hilarious consequences.
Speed Dating
Ex Bolton midfielder Gary Speed is down on his luck at new club Sheffield United. But as this fly on the wall documentary following his romantic life shows, his charming good looks remain.
If you enjoy 'Speed Dating', you'll love 'Sharpest Tool in the Box'
in which former hair-loss correction advocate and long-chinned Man Utd poster boy Lee Sharpe tests the general knowledge of members of the public in a makeshift studio built in the 18-yard box of QPR's glamorous Loftus Road.
Rule Of Thumb
Jerry Thumb, one of the 'little people', discovers that he is the last remaining blood descendent of the royal family of a small European nation. After years of anger directed against society with no means to act upon it, this 4ft tall Irishman introduces a harsh despotic system of government, executing all who stand before him - with hilarious consequences.
Deep Pan
Pizza chef Jessica Pan has three days to learn scuba diving before going on a scuba diving holiday.
But all is not what it seems...or is it?
Stuffed Crust
Terry Crust was informed by his boss to buy 20kg of compost but Terry mistakenly bought 20kg of compote. Can he get rid of the evidence before his boss finds out?
Hung, Drawn and Quartered
Lord Justice Hung lives alone in his mansion in Belsize Park, finishing jigsaw puzzles and framing them for his personal library. Barbara Drawn is a transexual nymphomaniac who licks the bottom of kettles. Keyshawn Quartered is an ex-NBA basketball player whose father was killed jumping off of a wardrobe. How they came to live together isn't clear, but live together they do!
Starring Sandi Toksvig
i am in floods of tears
and possibly now jobless
and the tears roll down my face again...
there is just so much gold in this thread
Spot The Difference
Pete Difference has a new camouflage suit.
The Brittas Museum
Chris Barrie reprises his role from the popular and critically acclaimed mid-90s sitcom, this time set within the confines of the British Museum. With hilarious consequences.
Grand Theft Blotto
Steve Carples is out on the town and decides to get a taxi home. Instead of getting into the passenger side he gets into the drivers side and sits on the driver - later bing caught his Police officer Exwife, who decides to take him under her wing to rehabilitate him and get him ready for the court hearing for their divorce and custody of their children.
With hilarious consequences.
Procrastination Is A Thief Of Time
Gordon Procrastination tries to avoid the wrath of his friends and loved-ones after they miss deadlines, promotions, lottery wins and successful marriages due to his interminable anecdotes about shit that just doesn't matter.
Part One: Gordon introduces his co-worker Tony Innocent to online poker.
Available in 94 webisodes.
High Treason!
Ged Treason is going wild mushroom picking, to make a lovely risotto. He should have researched it first though! With hilarious consequences.
Jar In A Jam
Colin Jar runs a famous preserve factory and is very successful... until his twin brother Shaun returns from Bombay and causes total havoc.
Starring Robert Lindsay and Shane Ritchie.
This one is frighteningly plausible
The Cesc Fabregas Show
.
thread of the year.
Going For Gold
Aloysius Going has had a crush on Lucinda Gold since they were at school together, but typically for whatever reasons he has never actually bothered to say anything about it to her. Now that he's accidentally been elected President Of The World, will she see him in a different light?
BBC3, 10.05
Tea For Two
Colin Two is single, hungry and in need of food and love. Then one day he bumps into Mary Tea, a beautiful cafe owner who has the hots for him...
Follow the ups and downs of their blossoming relationship in this comedy that will leave you hungry for more!
The Internets
A roving band of l33t h4x0rs are causing chaos on the internet and only one man can stop them. Ian Ternet is charged by the US government to save the world's internets but is entrusted with training the governments newest recruit... a talking bisexual fetishistic robotic dog called "IO".
Jim Davidson stars.
Beadle's A Boat
Auberge Bunting has always wanted a canal barge but has never been able to afford one. After years of sending in clips to 'You've Been Framed', he can finally afford one and knows just what to name it...
Let Bygones be Bygones
David Bygone has a problem. His daughter and only child Suzanne Bygone is about to get married to the dashing young Frederick Gilmore. Can he convince the shrewd and clever Frederick to let his daughter keep her name, using every jape and jink in the book?
Starring David Baddiel and Catherine Tate.
i would try one
but it just wouldnt compete. this thread is amazing
Les Dennis' Juggernaut
Les Dennis stars in this hilarious three part road-trip comedy when Les is given a gig in Edinburgh at the festival and buys a 18 wheeler truck to take him there. He picks up his friend Nick Barmby and a hitchhiker, a mental patient who killed his pets... who so happens to be a failed Les Dennis impersonator.
Starring Les Dennis as Les Dennis, the hitchhiker and Nick Barmby as himself.
Have You Got A Semi?
After the entire town was destroyed in a landslip, the residents of Bungleton are rehoused in the disused terrace houses of nearby Timpton. However after the houses are all fully allocated, there are still some residents left unhoused. Controversially, they are given a slightly more upmarket residence, much to the consternation of the other residents.
Starring Joanna Lumley and Kris Marshall.
Paramount Comedy Gold
Who Wants To Be A. Millionaire!
DeMarcus Who (Nicholas Lyndhurst) is a man that has never been happy with his lot. His good friend, Arthur Millionaire (Sid James), is the kind of guy that everyone wants to be. Good job, great teeth, and buns of steel. On a business trip to Botswana, Who finds a genie or something that promises to make one wish of his come true. Will he take over the life of his friend? One thing is for sure, something will happen probably!
Dunne and Dunner
Manchester City centre back Richard Dunne and his brother are two peas in a very stupid pod. They head off on a roadtrip in search of enlightenment, sex and good times. Naturally, things don't quite go to plan.
know your onions
Derek Onions is an illiterate junkie living on the streets of erdington. But one day he finds out he is the heir to a £12 million inheritance. The only problem is, he must first get an A in his GCSE maths in 5 weeks. Follow his ups and mostly downs in this hilarious rags to riches comedy.
BBC3, 10:35
Part 2 Derek finds out he has AIDS and has only 4 weeks to live.
Up and Atom
Period comedy set in 1930s. Albert Einstein meets a young scientist who proves his theory of relativity is wrong. His error correction shames Eistein and the two have to team up to perform a caberet act in Las Vegas while working on the theory of everything.
Kevin Kennedy (Curly Watts) and Kris Marhsall (BT advert bloke) star.
Big Bust
Malcolm Big is the obese owner of a debt-ridden oversize bra shop.
Dodgy Kebab
Chuck Kebab is trying to get rich and he'll do it anyway he can! With hilarious consequences.
Racists Against Time
Houssam Time, an asylum seeker from Iraq, is given a council house in Dagenham, much to the consternation of the locals - and with hilarious consequences!
Blood & Thunder
Mild-mannered accupuncturist Eddie Blood teams up with raki healer Josie Thunder to start a one-stop alternative healing shop. But intial trading is sluggish, so Blood & Thunder take a more aggressive marketing approach - with hilarious consequences.
E's a jolly good fellow
E from Eels finds himself playing a stag night party. With hilarious consequences.
Schtopp Touching Me!
Popular Rabbi, Harvey Schtopp is head of the local synagogue but all is not what it seems when he starts an under-10 football team.
Sonic and Mario: The Hollywood Years
Set in an alernate world, Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario have retired to Hollywood seeking film roles and stardom. Failing as an actor, Mario bumps into Peach on a night out and get drunk, sebsequently getting married, while Sonic becomes a gay icon after landing a role in a drag comedy act.
From the Producers of Will and Grace.
Sheep In Wolf's Clothing
Dorothy G. Sheep has had a lifetime of her best friend, Wendy Wolf, pinching her clothes. Whether it is for work or going out, Wolf was always stealing her stuff. Now that Wendy has gone on holiday and left Dorothy with the keys, will she get her own back by wearing her stuff and that? People might confuse them, that could be funny
It's Getting Boring By The Lindsay
Robert Lindsay plays a fictionalised version of himself in this charming rip-off of Curb Your Enthusiasm, with hilarious consequences! Warning: Features graphic depiction of a dwarf toss.
Erectile Disfunction
The Erectiles are your normal family, insofar as they have two parents, two kids and a dog and live in a semi detached house in a quiet neighbourhood in rural Hertfordshire. Yet when Daisy Erectile gets a new job as a lapdancer and Peter Erectile is caught dealing drugs, the family is torn apart in this dark, but uplifting comedy.
Glasgow 2099
Billy Connolly stars in this hilarious futuristic remake of Shakespeares Twelfth Night.
Glasgow 2099 II: A Shot in the Park
Billy Connolly reprises his role as Malvolio in this outrageous sequel. After being hounded out of Glasgow city centre he must take residence in the cities Pollok Park where a suspicious tribe rule. His life may be in danger... until he meets Mungo, a robotic traffic warden, who is sworn to protect him.
Glasgow 2099 III: Up In The Big Smoke
Billy Connolly reprises his BAFTA winning role as Malvolio in this, the third part of the trilogy. Malvolio travels to London with his trusy sidekick Mungo only to bump into a lecherous robotic Charles Dickins who stars a magic show in trafalgar square and a concocts a robbery of Buckingham Palace.
Russel Brand stars as Charles Dickins.
Glasgow 2099 IV: Returning Champange Ian
After months away, Malvolio (Billy Connolly) returns to Glasgow to find that Sir Andrew Aguecheek has ruined Malvolio's family business and has to join forces with Ian Wright's Champagne Importing company to make ends meet.
With racial undertones.
Glasgow 2099 V: Space - The Final Front Ear
Billy Connolly once again returns in this sequel. Malvolio is picked by the European space agency to be the fist person sent to Pluto. During his training he looses his ear in a freak shark accident and is fired from the academy - but sneaks aboard the ship to exact revenge on his co pilot Ignitor (played by Frankie Boyle) who caused the accident.
This dounds like a Douglas Adams creation.
:D
Walk Rhymes Tribunal
A new crop of rappers who also use their legs do their stuff for our panel, competing to stay in the competition for the hope of that prestigious record contract and a new chair. This week from the Hague.
Knowing Me, Knowing You: Awooga!
Kris Akabusi stars in this hilarious send up and sequel to the award winning Knowing Me, Knowing You: Alan Patridge. Kris, fresh from cross over success with Record Breakers tries to find work as a voice over artists in Newcastle with hilarious results.
French's Mustard
A professional Dawn French impersonator opens a mustard factory in Afghanistan, hoping to use the condiment to bring peace to the region - but instead, just brings hilarious consequences!
That's Not Cricket!
When Frances Cricket turns up at work after a 3 month absence, his co-workers harbour suspicions as to his true identity.
^ I love it
I'm physically in pain from laughing so much
And I have an exam in three hours I'm clearly going to fail, but I don't care any more. This is more important than revision.
Holy Cow!
The residents of Spleen are shocked to discover that the village greengrocer, Pharrell Cow, is actually the son of God.
Unsure of what to do, the locals worship him just to be on the safe side, though it later transpires that Cow was lying all along, and not only that, he has also been implicated in numerous sex offences.
I'm going to get fired if I keep reading this
I'm almost in tears...
LOL
Wu's at the door?
New chat show, each week presented by a different member of the Clan. Tune in at 9.30 on BBC2 to see who it is!
It Takes M1 to Know M1
Johnny Vaughan and Davina McCall star in the newest comedy from the creators of Dinnerladies. Mick and Sarah run a burger van in the Car Park of Hoovasham Services on the M1 until a mysterious man turns up to give them the chance of a life time - thier real parents.
Two Feet In The Grave
Depressing return to the wacky suburb, as Annette Crosbie stands at the sink weeping, having lovingly washed Victor's unused favorite mug yet another time.
Guardian of Eden
Barry Eden can't stop getting beaten up. In a drastic move, he employs the biggest person he can find to protect him.
Starring Geoff Capes and Wayne Sleep.
A Meal for Juan
A hopeful Mexican immigrant arrives in America to make his fortune, but is crippled by the embarrassment of checkout staff judgement when buying his microwave ready meals.
Heaven is a half pipe
Greg Heaven, and office worker in a dead end job, is struck down in a bizarre skate boarding accident, is re-incarnated as a half pipe. He learns to respect and admire those who killed him, in this touching surreal comedy.
:D
actualol
Buck In Ham Palais
A huge deer is loose in the famous concert venue. Can a team of crack naturalists find it before it's too late?
Starring Bill Oddie and Josie Lawrence.
i love you
Fire In The Hole
Local arsonist Frank Fire has just got himself a new job as a barman at The Hole, a nightclub in town.
Each week sees the owners of The Hole trying to prevent Frank from burning it to the ground, with hilarious consequences.
The action becomes more poignant when it is revealed that the owners are actually an elderly married couple with mobility problems.
Here Come the Bears
A couple of bears move into a quiet New England suburb, eat the residents. Documentary.
Grin and bare it
Elizabeth Grin is the only surviving member of a well to do family. Due to her erstwhile father's gambling addiction, her inheritance has been plundered, meaning she must adapt to life on her own. Lacking qualifications, Elizabeth must bite her lip and work as a stripper in order to survive.
Foul and a Miss Hendry -Four
Trevor Foul is single and lonely. He puts his details on an internet dating website and goes on a series of terrible dates. He's about to give up hope when he finally meets Deanna Hendry-Four, heir to the Toffet empire.
Stop Please, Your Killing Me
Set aboard the mining ship Blue Ape, this is the latest comedy from the creators of Red Dwarf. Killing Me is accidentally jettisoned from Blue Ape during a routine cleaning operation and a crack team of misfits, including the ships doctor Maid Edmonsen and robotic galley cook I.M. Fry, must go and find him.
Phil! Your Boots!
Oh no! What unpleasant substance does Phil have in his boots this week? Press the red button to vote. Followed on BBC2 by 'Phil To The Brim', panel discussion with Adrian Chiles.
Wish Upon A Star
Frank Wish and his faithul steed Star keep the law in this Western comedy loosely adapted from true events/Back To The Future III. This week, Wish and Star must ride to the state capital to procure lithium so that Doc Martin can control Little Johnny's suicidal depression - with hilarious results!
Apoca-tips Now
The Swindon rubbish tip is to be bulldozed to make way for a Mental Hospital and the local employees decided to make a stand by living in the rubbish. Stars Nick Frost and Stephen Merchant, with Ben Elton writing.
Open and Shut Case
Tina Open and Tara Case just LOVE going on holiday but they're fed up with carrying all their loose possessions. One day, Tara comes up with a great idea to help them transport their belongings. You won't believe your eyes!
That's Not What She Said
Lame dating sitcom from the creators of 1996 hit 'Don't Even Go There'.
Indie-Out
This 4 part series of mock-u-mentaries follows Britains first openly gay indie rock band The Queerettes on their push for stardom. Featuring from Scouting for Girls, Foals and Limp Bozkit front man Fred Durst, the band encounter many hijinks, such as broken down tour vans. Based on a true story.
This thread reminds of Friends
Failure To Lunch
A series of comical events prevents Alan Sugar from making a series of business lunch meetings, with hilarious consequences. Loosely adapted from true events.
This thread is incredible!!
Hats off to you all!! :D
Owen Goal
Michael Owen is in the drought to end all droughts. For once he's fully fit but he just can't find that onion bag. His target is to transform himself into a central defender. Can he compete in the cut-throat world of the centre half?
Owen-ing Up!
After lifting the LDV Vans trophy for Newcastle as fullback, Michael Owen returns this year as he tries to clear his name of gang rape in a Chester Hotel. Can he clear his name and guide Newcastle back to league football?
Moon On A Stick
Floella Moon is impaled on a tree branch after a parachuting exercise goes horribly wrong. With hilarious consequences.
Sweet Home Obama
Unscripted, fly-on-the-wall comedy with the Illinois Senator and his family. Preceeded by a party political broadcast on behalf of Veritas.
I Know You Are But What Am I?
Pointlessly aggressive geneaology spin-off, introduced by Maureen Lipman.
:D
The Price Is Reich
Gordon Price is the new guy in the neighbourhood. What his new neighbours don't know, however, is that he's a neo-Nazi. With hilarious consequences.
If I could be so Bould
Ex-Arsenal defender Steve Bould revives the fortunes of flagging companies by making outlandish suggestions. Much hilarity ensues.
Dragoons Dennis
Les Dennis opens up a Chinese cook shop with his best friend Douglas Bannatyne and all is going swimmingly until a time portal opens up and leaves an 18th century Knight trained in combat on horse back. Cultural comedy from the makers of Father Ted and the IT Crowd.
Les Dennis stars as him self, Alex Norton (Taggart) as Duncan Bannatyne and David Tennant (Doctor Who) as the knight. Tamsin Greig also stars.
Guardian of Gethsemane
Barry Eden hasn't been beaten up for months. His story has even made the local papers, which draws the attention of local punchbag, Trent Gethsemane. Is Barry willing to share his hero?
Starring Geoff Capes, Wayne Sleep and Yannis from Foals.
The Secret Guardian
Builder Nobby Ordinary struggles to hide his sudoku addiction from Jerry Vulgar and the other workers on their site.
Bull In A China Shop
Former striker Steve Bull has left the world of football and decides to open a Lladro franchise in Wolverhampton.
Business is slow as most of his customers are just Wolves fans wanting his autograph, and the shop closes less than a year later.
Starring Steve Davis as Steve Bull.
Heighway to Hell
Former Liverpool winger Steve Heighway, is the most popular guy in town. That is until he accidentally knocks a schoolgirl down and kills her, while speeding on a busy high street. With hilarious consequences.
A Bird In The Hand
Popular Working Mens club, The Handlebury is thriving. It has been the safe haven for the men of Funbunton for over 70 years and they love it. However, their stable existence is thrown into jeopardy when Lucy walks in and the fun really starts!
Communis Mani's Festival
Mani from Primal Scream finds a copy of Das Kapital in the bushes by some railway sidings whilst looking for free porn - before you know it he's organising a festival for neo-Marxist agitators and planning the socialist takeover of the country, with hilarious consequences.
*Communist, argh
Anders Limpar For The Course
Swede-fronted travelogue, visiting golf courses opened by ex-footballers from the early 1990s.
Soundtrack by whoever did the original 'Ski Sunday'.
Christ On A Bike!
Donovan Christ journeys around Australia's coast. On a bike.
We would like to remind viewers that no hilarity will ensue.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Marek Words is an expert on bedding plants. He's also mute. Rather surprisingly, he gets invited to participate in gardener's question time on Radio 4. Desperate to take his opportunity he invites his friend, Julian Actions, to accompany him and converse on his behalf.
UK Living, 7pm.
Storm in a C-cup
Popular male Gladiator 'Storm', is invited to live as a woman for a week in a social study on gender equality.
When The Worst that Could Happen, 'Appiah.
Stephen Appiah runs for US congress and is elected senator of Alabama... until memebers of the KKK get involved! Morgan Freeman narrates.
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sharia?
Brit-school starlets are sent to madrassas in Pakistan to learn the intricacies of hardline Islamic law. Each week one contestant is voted off and stoned.
:''''D
x5
He Who Dares Wins
Billy He, Carlos Who and Melinda Dares founded their eponymous law firm two years ago, but are yet to win a case. Could all that be about to change though?
classic.
Necessity is the Mother of Invention
Tyra Invention and Sandra Necessity have been in a lesbian relationship for ten years. They're deeply in love but nothing could prepare them for their appearance on Montel Williams.
:-)))))
Fronds
The series follows 6 new yorkers as they try their hand at gardening, with hilarious consequences.
i'm not even halfway down this thread
and i know i'm going to be giggling at it all afternoon. brilliant.
Give Me a RING
A group of paedos decide to set up a paedo ring only to find out none of them have any child porn. They endlessly set out to kidnap children with hilarious consequences.
Look Mum! No Hands!
Popular entertainer Graham Dicer loses both his hands in a horrific accident. Unable to fend for himself anymore he goes to live with his mother who forces him to entertain her.
Can he do it?
Viewer caution: Hilarity may ensue.
Poop Show
The series follows two men as they poo on each other, with generic consequences.
Jerry Sprung Her
Jerry Springer is sent to prison for illiciting homophobic responses on his chat show and is cuaght up in a escape attempt by a female prisoner feigning to be a man. Kelsey Grammer and Julian Clary star.
Up All Night
The series follows Johnny Borrel, 10 years after the demise of Razorlight, and his attempts to overcome impotency. With exciting consequences.
This Ones for Par
After accidently killing his Dad with a chainsaw, Peter's dead father comes to stay in his house as punishment for the accidnet. Can Pete he hold together his relationship with his wife and patch up things with the ghost of his father? Hilarity ensues.
Small Change
The series follows Steve Small as he attempts to change in to a woman using only the power of suggestion. Ironically, he is a midget. With small consequences.
Crime Doesn't Pay
Barney Crime is a hugely succesful lawyer but his workload is too much and he needs an assistant. Seeing a great opportunity, Stefan applies and gets the job. All is going swimmingly until Stefan gets his first wageslip...
Kerb-Crawl Your Enthusiasm
How do call girls keep the pizzazz in their working lives? Jamie Theakston finds out.
SOMEBODY STOP ME!
On the day school nerd Arron Somebody found a cure for M.E. his banged his head on an open cupboard door and lost his memory. With a sudden outbreak threatening the future of mankind, can Arron remember how to stop M.E. before it's too late?
He obviously does, but you can still enjoy watching how he does it.
Starring Julie Goodyear.
Little Savages
After bankrupting himself spending money on hair products, welsh midfielder Robbie Savage sells his body to medical research. One experiment goes horribly wrong, splitting him into twenty 3-inch high versions of himself- who must now cope with modern life. Much hilarity ensues.
Starring Rik Moranis and Sting.
You're Fayed!
The infamous Harrods boss is lonely. Watch as ten women unknowingly vie for his hand in marriage.
Can you fill me in?
Craig David has a sex change but after several failed relationships with men he decides that being a female is not all its cracked up to be.
Follow him on this emotional journey as he tries to become a man again.
Danger: Hilarity might ensue
Girls Allowed
After a mix up rewriting the school rules, strict Headmaster George Peterson McClean accidently allows girls into the Bedford Catholic Boys School, only to find out that everyone finds the new rules agreeabl - accept the darn governers.
Watch as the staff and pupils try and hide the girls, and even dress them up as boys/men/kitchen staff/furniture every week when the dreaded governers come for an unannouced inspection every single fucking week!
Up The Junction
The further exploits of Leonard Up are detailed in this new BBC comedy. After getting revenge on former flatmate Jeff About's killers, Leonard moves to Clapham where he forms a Squeeze tribute act.
Jack of All Trades, Master of Nun
Local handyman, Jack Partup is thrilled to find he's voted in as head of the local convent.
:D
Scraping The Barrel
Franco Scraping is filled with oil.
oh god
actual tears
Scotch On The Rocks
Barney Scotch is a man that appreciates the finer things in life; how is he going to cope when in a bizarre mix-up the new house he has bought turns out to be just some rocks?
The Jung Ones
High-concept campus sitcom in which a jock, a geek, a sorority princess and an apparently plain girl who never takes off her glasses - OR DOES SHE? - analyse their psyches.
buff my pylon
Follow Terry Everyman in this heartwarming documentary as he travels the country cleaning electrical cabling for the national grid.
Caution: Contains full frontal male nudity and drug taking
Coronation MEAT
A suburban street in the north becomes hooked on coronation chicken with surprisingly bland results.
EastBenders
A group of cockneys turn gay, resulting in obvious innuendos!
Head n Shoulders.
Burt Shoulders is a grizzled 'Nam veteran. The show follows his exploits of Shoulders and his best friend- 'Head', the severed head of one of his former squadmates. Features the voice of Bob Hoskins as 'Head'.
Beyond The Pale
Cornelius Pale is the victim of a practical joke when he is handcuffed to a chair, with the keys placed just out of reach.
Onceuponatime In The West
Slobadan Onceuponatime grew up on the hard streets of the East; y'know, Trabants and stuff. How will he fare now that by some quirk of fate he has been given the job of HR Director for a company that designs wolves, based in Dibden Purlieu?
Horses for Forces
The new head of the Metroplitan Police allows a group of horses to run a local North London police station in light of a shortage of staff.
Expect mild laughs and manure jokes.
Oh god
Pepsi Max
The series follows Max Clifford as he tries to drink a can of Pepsi in every county in the UK. With rubbish consequences.
Man The Fuck Up
Once a high-flying investment banker, Henry Man has now lost his way in life, and has taken to drink and drugs.
sweet
thats a bump
Angel Delight
Melissa George can't believe her luck when she is offered the part of Bronwyn in Neighbours.
Chub be Good To Me
In light of unexpected homelessness, John Riess is forced to join a commune of obese hippies - But are his new chubby pupils going to help or hinder his efforts to rebuild his life.
Warning: Features obesity
Ex-Ray Specs
Live auction show in which R&B fans fall over themselves to own a pair of Ray Charles' glasses.
Catch 22
In this daring new documentary, Steve Catch has agreed to be filmed until he catches 22 objects whilst going about his daily life. Catch 22: now with consequences!
Sleeper Hit
Live auction show where jilted indie girls bid for the chance to punch Louise Wener.
Euell Never Wark Alone
After being successfully prosecuted for embezzlement at the bookmakers' they opened after retirement, former Charlton goal-machine Jason Euell and ex-Ipswich and Scotland hard man John Wark are sentenced to be tethered together at the hip. With utterly predictable results.
:')
My throat is making all sorts of funny noises
as I try to suppress my laughter. This can't be healthy.
UnKemped Appearances
TV hardman Ross Kemp tries to stay off our screens, with mixed results.
Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this
New sitcom based around the popular internet video. Rob Brydon stars as the posh boy who gets hit.
Head of Hare
When Percy Fulton purchases a Rabbit merkin, his best friend Bertie goes one better with his new toupee.
Sweet Menu
Alain Menu has driven rally cars all of his adult life; we've snuck into his house whilst he was away and decorated everything in Nazi regalia. How will he get on convincing his neighbours that rather than having fascist tendencies he is in fact a rather 'sweet' man?
Episode 6 - tonight Alain tries to board up the living room windows whilst being pelted with rocks
terrific.
Icke Can't Believe It's Not Butter
David Icke is challenged to identify a variety of buttermilk-based butter substitutes.
Band AIDS
New sitcom about an HIV-positive Christian rock band.
* Band Aides
New sitcom about a band who are forced to become personal assistants to an overbearing and militantly anti-rock and roll businessman. They get forced to cut their hair and things, and cover up there tatoos, probably. With hilarious consequences.
From Zero to Nero
After accidentally transporting himself trough time, Donald Jones fid himself in ancient Rome, only to be the exact double of ruling Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar Germanicus – With hilarious consequences.
Euell? Monkou? Dodd?
Yet I try and shoehorn Saints in to the football threads and I get nowhere.
Anyway, I'd watch it
You could do with Micky Adams
Where's the beef?
Phil runs a local abattoir but a family emergency means Phil has to put his simpleton apprentice Jeff in charge.
However after a robbery Jeff faces a race against time to locate the criminals an reclaim the meat before Phil returns, with predictably hilarious consequences.
Starring Ardel O'Hanlon as Jeff
Marilyn Mansion
Marilyn Mansion just wants to carry on her everyday life tending to her rabbits and collecting wasp bile; so why does she keep getting phone calls asking how the latest album is going and being told not to tour near Columbine?
Starring Russell Crowe
fuck
I actually hurt from supressed laughter
Taking Coles to Newcastle
Ill-thought-through docu-soap set in a Tyneside house populated by celebrity atavists Ashley and Cheryl Cole, former 'Minder' star George Cole, troubled journeyman Andy Cole, and former BBC political editor John Cole.
Part One: Cheryl and Andy don't seem to be getting on.
Totally Nick & Margaret
New sitcom in which Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford of 'The Apprentice' fame are forced to move in together after getting fired by Sir Alan and decide to start their own scrutinizing business in which they visit a different team of idiots each week and just sort of wander about looking unimpressed.
THIS POST /\
left me unable to keep a straight face all through last night's Apprentice, and had me giggling to way beyond midnight last night. And this morning. You sir, get my first prize.
Lamb To The Slaughter
Allan Lamb has a bad day.
You Kahn Be Serious
John McEnroe finds himself in Ghengis Kahn’s ancient Mongolia after accidentally opening a wormhole at his house from shouting too loud. The only way he can survive is to keep the masses happy with his tennis skills, but how long will he last before he comes a cropper?
Warning: Contains tennis and beheadings.
Friend or Defoe?
Reality TV Show in which contestants have to choose who to save from a pool of sharks, Jermain Defoe or one of their friends.
Cat Amongst the Pigeons
Danny John-Jules is chained to the fourth plinth at Trafalgar Square and made to wear a three piece bread suit.
Faith No More
People called Faith are killed to death.
Tonight - Faith Brown
A Stitch in Time
Monica Time and her friends are on a mission to seek alternative remedies to sort out her common running-based ailment, with hilarious consequences.
Contains mild nudity and drug references.
Left to My Own Devizes
The residents of a middle-class Wiltshire town are appalled to find the town mayor refuses to wear clothes. In protest, they all desert the town in disgust.
It Hurts To Be In Love
Puzzling new game show where male contestants attempt to bring Courtney Love to orgasm whilst being showered with boiling tea. Whose nerve will break first?!
Adolf Hitler: The College Years
John Goodman stars in this adaptation of Hitler's young days at Harvard. Mr Herschel is the dean (played by Goodman) and is the victim of anti-semite jokes, orchastrated by Adolf (Elijah Wood) as the head of the Nazi-Fart House.
Canary Dwarf
Diminuitive Kiwi banker, Dwayne Flaps, finds that the corporate ladder isn't the only one he'll have to climb to get 'higher up' in 'big' business!
Contains leprosy.
From the producers of 'Canary Dwarf': 'Can Ada Water?'
In which Docklands office cleaner Ada Bollocks tries to keep the boss' aspidstra alive for six weeks.
Sea Bass
Bootsy Collins joins the Navy. Guess what happens.
Oh also Peter Hook is there.
And Mani.
:D
Between The Rock And A Lard Place
A different celebrity lives for a week in our special house; to one side lives The Rock and on the other is a lard factory! We set them a different tasks each day.
Monday - Leann Rimes has to guess what The Rock is cooking, just from the smell
I've got juice all over my keyboard
Thanks.
Oh god
I just had to go to the toilets to have a hard ROFL about this thread. Also I did a little poo.
tears streaming down my face.
Why: on Earth? Not!
Belinda Why heads into space to fulfill her dreams of being an astronaut.
Scooby Don't
Shaggy is sent to jail following beastiality accusations and a sex tape scandal. Watch his hilarious attempts to escape!
Purple Days
Hapless courier Mike accidentally loses Prince’s only copy of his new album. Desperate to avoid losing his job and a hefty fine, he’s got 28 days to record all the new tracks again himself. Will he do it in time before the pint sized funkster finds out?
Warning: Contains no actual footage of Prince
Norfolk & Chance
Jim Norfolk and Alan Chance are racehorse trainers, whose pre-watershed mild innuendo, comedy racism and almost-sweary puns provide ideal family entertainment.
Ep 1: I Wish She'd Put Me Out To Stud!
Tantamount to Mordor
Competition to find the location of the new Hobbit film.
When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going
The Tough and The Going are two notorious football hooligan firms. When word reaches The Tough that The Going are planning to attack them at the next match, they know they must hatch a scheme of their own.
Belinda Carlisle United
A clerical error causes the former Go-Gos singer to be appointed manager of the League One club. After initial tension between Belinda and the team, they all end up overcoming their prejudices, winning the league, and maybe even learning a little bit about themselves too. With plenty of laughs along the way.
I think that's actually been comissioned by ITV
Every Little Helps
Recently divorced ex-con Pablo Little is left crippled after a motorcycle accident.
After a bumbled suicide attempt, Pablo calls upon his entire family to assist in his recovery.
Warm-hearted humour and homophobic undertones light up this wonderful portrayal of one man's inability to do anything for himself.
Kiss My Arse!
Another team try to determine whether the masked man before them actual was a member of legendary rock band KISS.
Will one of those crazy rockers be
revealed or will the team cry out 'KISS, MY ARSE!'
Another Day Another Waller
Madcap fatso Rik Waller manages to make clones himself after snooping around his scientific neighbour’s laboratory – But what will each slightly different chubster get up to and how will this get the real Rik in even more hot water?
Caution: Contains Rik Waller
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
Clumsy narcoleptic, Barry Toil, is desperate to see his sister's first performance at the local strip club on Friday. Having taken twelve grams of mdma on Wednesday, he's been up for 42 hours. Can he make it until the show at 8pm?
:D
Davina McCall is on the phone, wants to know if you need a host
What's Ndlovu Got To Do With
Former Coventry start Peter Ndlovu intrusively intervenes in a variety of domestic disputes, only to find his involvement entirely unnecessary. This week: embarrassment all round as hapless Peter becomes pointlessly involved in a dispute over a delayed radiator repair.
*Do With It
Bad Tackle
Alvaro Tackle is a career criminal and part-time footballer with deformed genitals who one day purchases some dodgy fishing gear.
Pick of the day, ITV, 10.30
Stop In The Name Of Davis Love III
Davis Love III swaps the golf course for a police training course! Follow Davis as he learns the secrets of the traffic police.
With Dom DeLuise as Officer Buttinski
This is my favourite
Especially picturing Davis Love III as a cop.
Saturday Night Beaver
Adult-orientated update of original 50s sitcom starring Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver; our titular hero grinds out a flavourless existence in his dayjob at a paint store, whilst living for the weekend, when he can dance the night away and examine ill-trimmed 1970s pubic hair.
Voice of the Beehive
Comedy about a talking beehive.
BBC3, 9pm.
Does my bun look big in this?
Brand new fashion show for women in the world of bakery.
This week: Aprons you simply must own!
Johnny Cash In The Attic
Ghoulish antiquesploitation show in which the Man In Black's coffin is placed in suburban attics to attract valuable keepsakes and gegaws, which are then sold at auction.
A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss
After years of neglect, Chambleton Parish Church needs some maintainence. Billy Wyman, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, fight it out to see who has to take care of the roof.
Chubby Checker & The Phat Boys
Dr Hilary travels the nation checking on the health of those that are slightly overweight, accompanied by Nelly and Sisqo
Killing in the Name Of
Every week, contestants can win the chance to kill 100 people of their ethnic choosing in the name of their madcap faith.
This week: Catholics
Watch Out, The Fifth Beatle's About!
Tasteless attempt by former Scouse sticksman Pete Best to cash in on the ex-funnyman's dormant franchise.
Underneath the Archers
Two lucky members of the public each week are assigned to carry around Jeffery Archer and this wife on their shoulders whilst carrying out everyday run of the mill tasks.
This week: Gardening
Christ on a bike!
Can someone put the best ones in a new thread, I only made it halfway.
:D
http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/3335690#r3337343
Bishops' Bishops Stortford
A load of bishops take over a Hertfordshire market town and declare independence.
Eventually the town is taken back by force, following a guerilla war between the clergy and the SAS which costs the lives of 1,600 vicars.
not sas,
cecil rhodes
Cort in the Crossfire
lanky footballer, Carl Cort is sent to Basra to entertain British troops with his keepy-ups.
Hitting the Nail on the Head
A quirky new gameshow where contestants throw inanimate objects at Jimmy Nail’s head for prizes.
This week: Teapots.
Gerry and the Pacemakers
Exciting new documentary as we follow the Sinn Fein leader as he chooses the device to maintain his ailing ticker.
Terence Trent D'Arby & Joan
Gentle comedy of manners featuring the mystery-solving married couple team of ex-Miss Marple Joan Hickson and soul warbler Terence Trent D-Arby. This week: Terence and Joan campaign to save the local post office, with mildly irritating results.
Best in Both Worlds
Sitcom following the new existence of George Best as he relives his sins in purgatory. Hilarity ensues as he fights for the very fate of his soul for all eternity. Family fun.
Romeo and Who Will He Eat?
Big brother style show where twelve hopefuls are sent to a Pacific Island where a Tiger named Romeo is released. Who will survive? New comedy from the makers of The Brittas Empire.
Charlton and the Wheelies
Touching documentary following the wheezing ex-Ireland boss as he spends the day strapped to Dougie Lampkin.
French & Dean Saunders
The veteran mulleted Welsh forward struggles to keep up with corpulent comedienne Dawn's gag strikerate.
The Good Ship-Man
Sitcom where envious Derek, brother of world recording breaking serial killer Harold Shipman tries to top his brother’s achievements. Watch as ham-fisted Derek attempts to kill en mass, only to botch yet another murder each week.
He Who Hesitates Is Löst
Carsten Löst just can't grasp the nettle.
Tin Westwood
Reality show where DJ Tim Westwood tries to live a normal life encased in a two inch tin exoskeleton.
Bark!
Alan is your average schoolboy leading the typical life of a Year 6 student. One day he transforms into some bark. In episode one follow Alan's adventures as he tries desperately to escape being bought from Homebase by some lazy gardeners.
I did have another one, but I've forgotten it
I think I'm done now.
No!
This can't die, not yet!
Hocus Pocus
Edgar Allen Poe and a prostitute take terms to trade incidents after the whore refuses to dress up as a cat and let herself be bricked up into a wall.
Now in it's fourth season.
*turns
*insults.
Fucksake
Fucksake
Japanese alcoholic businessman gives up the drink. Starring Emperor Hirohito
Burning our bridges
Distant relatives burn Jeff, Beau and Lloyd Bridges to death.
Starring Michael Bridges in multiple roles
Not on my watch
Young boy is upset when 'Knot' from Knott's landing stands on his watch. Rollercoaster ride of emotions.
Egg on your face
Dave Egg is a mountaineer with a difference: he's terrified of heights! In an attempt to clamber down K2 in a blind panic he infringes on the Chinese-owned west side of the mountain. America taunts China with the immortal words: Egg on your face!
Nuclear holocaust ensues.
:D
This is my favourite
Rubber the Fumb Duck
Starring Franzie Muniz as a yung boy who goes to park to be approached by a genie who grants him 3 wishes, he asks for a Duck... you turns out to be Jospeh Stalin reincarnated by the genie. The two find out of a plot to kill the magician Rubber... and are the only ones can save him.
I think this is me jumping the shark. :(
:)
Last of the Summer Crime
Detective John Schmidt is sent to the wine regions of france to investigate a crime of passion in the wine business... only to find out the farm he has been sent to is one where his grand father in the War raped and killed most of the population. Hilarious consequences ensue.
I'm sure this one was made for US TV
With a female protagonist. Otherwise, pretty much the same.
samantha who?
Damn It, You're Married!
John Married is everyman except one - Ironically hitched. When he meets Gloria Damn he falls in love with her... but she is married to his long lost brother!
Nobodies fault but mine
Jason Nobody is a sex-toy manufacturer plying his trade somewhere along the San Andreas Fault. One day, he accidentally fills his butt plugs with gunpowder, and the race is on to find the butt mines before it's too late!
Explosive fun.
Rabbit Warren
Rabbi Warren Rabbit loves hares and hates their natural enemy: the humble rabbit. One long dark night of the soul, the holy man throws a gas cannister down a heavily populated rabbit hole. 1,247 innocent rabbits died. The next day, they retaliate. There is a Rabbit war on!
With hilarious consequences.
Black Magic
Reginald Black is a man with a secret: he can't stop eating vomit! And his ultimate fantasy is to eat the ick from Madge Bishop.
Starring Andy Crane.
Tickle E- cough
You've hear of computer viruses? Well, renowned boffin and former reality star John Tickle has discovered a way of infecting internet geeks WITH ACTUAL ILLNESSES, via email!
Starring Gyles Brandreth as 'the victim'
I love you for keeping this alive.
<3
Pain in the arse
Lucinda Pain is the first woman to play for Arsenal. Tragically she dies at half time on her debut, succumbing to previously undiagnosed colon cancer.
Review from Arsene Wenger: 'I did not see it.'
incredible
nothing will ever beat this.
Double standards
Ezra standards is a voice-over artist, but he reacts furiously when told his new work involves him providing the voice for a homosexual bull. This is in spite of him being homosexual himself.
Camp X-ray
Minnesota X-ray is accused of being gay by his colleagues down at the plant. 'GAY X-RAY!' That's what they chant. He responds by incarcerating them on a remote part of Cuba and pumping them full of radiation.
Jack in the Box
A sociopathic loner ponderously places a car lifting device in a cardboard container, stores bowling balls in hedges, wraps a flag round a crickter's genitals and sticks a speaker cable into the TV
With tenuous consequences.
Starring Matt le Blanc. With Eric Cantona as the cricketer and Gary Barlow as the hedge.
Autobiographical?
Otto Biographical
Otto van Biographical regrets pouring washing detergent into his rectum.
Contains some (hilarious) nudity.
you have already won the thread thewy
quit whilst you're ahead. or don't. because :') and all.
judge_b won the earlier round.
Some really good ones about 2pmish.
4 way tie between
the Judge, the Colonel, BobbyGeorge and Brandet as far as I'm concerned.
youve won drowned in sound
http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/3335690#r3341501
Mosquito
Superior Court Judge Lance Ito is converting to Islam and isn't going to let popular prejudice stop him!
Starring Mos Def, Kate Moss, Skeet Ulrich, Greg Rusedski, Tito Jackson and Emperor Akihito. With racially inflammatory consequences.
thread of this year
i have just read almost all of them
tears have formed. i have read a few out to my mum (she loves my visits for this reason alone). she has thought of one called "back, sack and crack" and really wants me to post it but i think it is shit.
she's really angry at me now
for not posting the story.
You have to post it now you've bigged it up so
Back, sack and crack
Johann Sebastian Bach builds a musical time machine and transports himself to the late 20th Century. Managing to find himself a job at Goldman Sachs he soon finds himself slipping into a spiral of whores, alcohol and crack cocaine.
He's fired and goes on to write the theme tune to keeping up appearances.
so much better than my mum's version
The Dolphin and Doll's Fin
Ferry the Dolphin is living a horrible life - he is the only Dolphin that can speak. He finds out that he can talk to humans when he meets Nathan Detroit (from Guys and Dolls) and they become Dolphin and Doll's Fin, a crime partner ship specialising in maritime law. When a sacred golden fin is stolen from the Moscow Shark Musuem, there is only one duo that can solve the case! John Goodman and Trevor MacDonald star.
Suspended Animation
High-flying animator Danny Animation is suspended from work following his boss's discovery of his moonlight work on hentai videos. By freak coincidence, he is plunged into suspended animation on his way home from the office. He wakes up in the future. His only means of escape is his vintage Ford Animation with the dodgy suspension...
2.45am, Channel 5. Starring Seth Rogan as Danny. With hilarious consequences.
*kills self*
Adolf and Rudolf Go Nazi!
In an alternate 20th century, where Germany won the second world war, this comedy follows Adolf Hitler (Shane Ritchie) and Rudolf Hess (Ardal O’Hanlon) as they go around the world making everything Nazi. See them throw a swastika on Disneyland, rename New York Jew York, and other hilarious Xenophobic comedy.
Mohammed Bali
Islamic prophet Mohammed is bored of living in the afterlife and decides to go on a holiday to Bali – watch him duck dive a nd dodge the human race after he accused of causing a massive typhoon that killed hundreds of thousands of innocent lives! Starring Sanjeev Bhaskar.
Up The Junction!
Lorraine Kelly narrates this story of two humans shrunk by their experiment being implanted into prostitute Joanne Junction’s womb as when she is checked at the local clinic. Watch them battle sperm, VD, tampons and other such adventures as they try and find the way out of her body.
sorry I'm late
A MILLION REPLIES
Time After Thyme
John Thyme is walking to work when he accidentally walks through a rip in space time sending him back 20 minutes to when he was waiting at the bus stop and meets him self. The two fall in love and get married and adopt a young son. Everything is going fine – until t turns out that the son they have adopted is their childhood self, as they both had been sent back in time together 27 years by the same time rift! From the makers of Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes. Martin Freeman stars.
A Pack of Fags and a Bunch of Birth Control Pills
Sequel to the BBC Three comedy A Pint of Lager and a Pack of Crisps this follows three unlucky smack heads on a Glasgow housing scheme though their trials and tribulations of getting smack, selling their body, pregnancies and HIV. Starring Pauline Quirke and Johnny Vegas.
When The Lights Go Green
Alvin Lights runs a multimillion pound oil company and one day decides to start becoming environmentally friendly. He pulls the plug on his company and buys wind turbines until he is approached by two agents, one working for Mother Nature, the other working for Apocalyspe, and the try to get him to change his ways for good and bad. Join him on a journey of discovery. Mild nudity.
AND I AM SPENT.
:)
You'll Miss Your Bus!
The story of a man who was too proud to run.
"A raging torrent of emotion that even nature can't control" - Daily Star
God bless thewarn
*Details to follow
Pipes of Peace
Chris Peace just loves pipes! Briar, lead, sewer - you name it, he's got it.
Then one day his entire collection of pipes is stolen by pipe-hating Philip Schofield. Will Chris manage to get his collection back?
Pipe Down
Unable to get his beloved collection of pipes back, Chris Peace becomes morose, depressed and decides to end it all.
Pupstairs, Houndstairs
The long-dead creators of Steptoe & Son introduce a brand-new heartwarming comic-drama about the class divide in Battersea Dog's Home.
Upstairs - Colonal Woofalot, Sir Rover Barker, Lady Barker and Master Tristram Snifflebum live their lives of avoiding social faux-pas, occasional gentle walkies and baths in lavendar scented water.
Downstairs - Mrs Scruffy the housemaid, Rags and Rex the gardeners and Mr Snoopy the butler want nothing more than a quiet life for the master and mistress of the house and perhaps an occassional afternoon off to pop to local ale house.
Pupstairs, Houndstairs is a rip-roaring tail of the hilarity that ensues when these two worlds collide. One thing's for sure - working class crudity and upper-class snobbery are soon overcome and these canines are guaranteed to become the best of pedigree chums.
Cancelled after pilot show due to an outbreak of worms amoungst the cast.
Woman's Work Is Never Done
Pete Woman is a road sweeper for Westminster Council. After Boris Johnson spunked the entire budget away on new Routemasters, every member of staff of the road sweeping team is laid off. Except Pete. As the team work on a 12 hour shift basis, Pete is suddenly scheduled in for EVERY shift. Incredulous at his new work load Pete contacts his union but due to strike action, they're too busy to take his calls. Ever the loyal worker, Pete begins his new shift. With hilarious consequences.
SATIRE
Well Fuck Me Sideways!
Preview tapes not available.
The Angina Monologues
Follow the exploits of Jonathan Barker in this riotous comedy, starring Matthew Perry, as he attempts to come to terms with his crippling bouts of angina.
This week: Jon has an attack whilst in the bath while his mates are out and, of course, hilarity ensues.
Don't cry for me Steven Pienaar
In this eye-opening documentary we follow the Everton footballer as he travels round the country interviewing the impoverished few who are refusing state and charitable aid.
Disclaimer: May contain amazing scenes.
Just seen this on the best of the week thing
and I must say it is probably the best thread there has ever been on here. Good work.
<3
I can't belive how good this thread became. I love DiS for it. I am going to blog about some of them this week I feel.
:D
Can I just bump this thread.
I (heart) it so much
Cistic Vibrosis
Sister Mary Tick, having left her nunery to spread the good news to a carribean island, shacks up Vibes Brosis a local rhastifarian minister. Hiarity ensues as the 2 bumble around the island, healing the sick, solving crimes and at the end, having a big mass in the village, where a missing child returns.
Starring Dawn French as Sister Mary and Patrick Truman from Eastenders as Vibes.
The Best Thread Ever?
John Weaver owns a loom company but when his father's long lost brother comes to tell him that he must find a wife and have a child before the summer equinox or else the world with end, Weaver must go on a journey through time and Slough to find his true self and his love.
Shane Ritchie, Chris Eubank and Caroline Quentin star.
Rowling On The Floor Laughing
Episode 1: Not even a sudden and unexpected stroke can stop the popular children's author guffawing at the physically deformed.
Bill of Rights
Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman live in the same block of flats.
Their mail keeps getting delivered to the wrong person, with hilarious consequences.
Hugh Mann Rights Act
After ageing actor/director Ian Terval accidentally upsets the set designer on his latest avant-garde production, he is involved in an unfortunate 'accident' involving a loose trapdoor.
With opening night under 24 hours away and Terval confined to hospital with a broken leg, it's up to nervy young understudy Hugh Mann not only to ensure that artistic tempraments are soothed amongst the stagehands, but also that he delivers the performance of his life in his careless mentor's stead.
An adaptation of the book of the same name.
dfhdfh
Austin Louvres
Mike Myers returns as the blind fitting agent from GB who is going to teach America how to Lag!
Hoos Been Sleeping In My Bed!
Harvey Hoos is a cat burglar with narcolepsy. Follow his adventures as people come home to find that his attempt at stealing their telly has gone to shit cos he went for a kip in their king size!
Starring Anthony Hopkins
Hindley Point
Myra Hindley is put to work do schoolkids tours round Somerset nuclear power station Hinkley Point. With Hilarious consequences.
Different Kettley of Fish
John Kettley is a weatherman, a weatherman, a weatherman. John Kettley is a weatherman. And so is Michael Fish.
A four-part retrospective offering a bold new take on events leading up to, during and after the Great Storm of 1987. With contributions from Kettley and Fish themselves, plus Bill Giles, Suzanne Charlton, Dara O’Briain, Tess Daly and Stuart Maconie.
Narrated by Moira Stewart. Includes never-before seen archive footage.
Slash In The Attic
Each week, the chubby axeman sneaks into an elderly couple's loftspace and waits to be discovered.
Starring Pam St Clement.
Last of the Summer Whines
Followup of Buffy Summer's numerous failed encounters with men and her whinging about it. Whilst preparing for a vampire attack Willow finally has enough of being upstaged in the moping stakes and stakes Summers once and for all.
Ups and Downs
A community of people with Downs Syndrome who face the trials and tribulations of starting their own crane company.
Starring Paul Potts.
oh god
Booking A Holiday
Graham Poll reminisces about the time footballer Andreas Holiday took a leak on his new mountain bike, and the resulting 41 yellow cards that were shown to Holiday by Poll over the following season.
Although largely light-hearted, the end of the series hits a poignant note, as Poll is fired for gross misconduct and becomes a reclusive alcoholic.
Houston, Saro-Wiwa Have a Problem
Whitney Houston and executed Ethiopian human rights activist Ken Saro Wiwa solve logic problems for half an hour at a time.
Torode is long
A rogue batch of pea purée leaves masterchef judge John Torode with a 46 inch penis. The novelty soon wears off.
Featuring Verne Troyer as Gregg Wallace.
first class posting
Caster Sugar
Athlete and tabloid freak-show Caster Semenya teams up with bearded swear jar Sir Alan Sugar in this replacement for The One Show.
Episode 1: Sugar fires Adrian Chiles, who doesn't know his contract has been terminated.
Jack Daniels
Jack Russell and Paul Daniels get morphed together after a toxic waste spill whilst they were on the Professor Burp's Bubble Works ride at Chessington World of Adventure.
The result is a magical cricketing tale, suitable for the whole family.
HOWZAT'S MAGIC.
Jed Wood
hapless cornetto-haired tw....ins John and Edward are drawn into a live of drugs, crime and male prostitution after their second album (Jedward Jesus Do) stalls at number 137 in the UK charts. Crack-addled and delusional, they turn on their fans, their management and eventually each other.
an online debate hosted by Louis Walsh follows this programme.
Massive Wanker
Producer Timo Mass travels back in time to team up with Ivor Novello in battling his arch-enemies Juan Peron and NoMeansNo bassist Andy Kerr.
Contains strong drug references and one scene of full frontal nudity.
i forgot
Ivor Novello's nickname is 'Ive'.
this thread is like a time capsule from when dis used to be good.
it is, isn't it?
This still makes me cry with laughter.
worth a bump, me thinks
can we do some new ones?
Losing Touch With Reality
Petunia Reality jettisons all forms of communication in an attempt to live a more ascetic lifestyle, while her friends engage in more and more desperate attempts to keep in touch with her. Some mild self-harm and pyrotechnics in this tender but aimless docudrama.
Mercury's Music Pies
The Roman god of trade and messages opens a shop in Telford selling pies with a deadly secret ingredient - the slow-roasted and seasoned remains of British indie musicians. With hilarious consequences.
Fortune Favours The Brave
washed-up footballer Quinton Fortune adjudicates in Cowboys And Indians tournaments, but betrays a worrying bias in his decisions.
Sign of the Times
Starring Clive Swift as Aubrey Sign, royal correspondent for the Tiverton Bugle, who is head hunted by Times chief whip Roland Times, and promptly relocates to the capital to begin a new life. Unfortunately, due to various beaurocratic fudgings, internal wranglers and high profile lay-offs following the phone-tapping of molested war veterans, 70 year-old man of the faith Sign finds himself the befuddled tweed outsider in a world of Brit Awards afterparty coke binges and priapic group sex with washed-up former soap actresses as the new Times celebrity gossip merchant.
Hijinks ensue as Sign - an inveterate jobsworth - diligently submerges himself in sinful decadence, whoring himself out to all and sundry in order to get the juciest scoops, whilst struggling to reconcile numerous moral quandries between his religion and his newfound role as a glittery showbiz diva!
Also with Brian Conley as the oppresively masculine cock of the walk Times, and Ronnie Ancona as Suspiciously Jawbones, the socialite love interest, who might just save Sign's soul. Or perhaps not as, in a shocking twist, Ancona is replaced mid-series by the chap with the eyebrows from Skins, assuring our man's eternal damnation. With hilarious consequences.
.
*weeps*
just read through the read again now
actual tears.
Fash Ist Dictator
John Fashanu stars as Adolf Hitler in a dramatised biography.
wow
well done all. that was fantastic.
Oh Men
A newly outed Damien goes on the search across the world for his ideal boyfriend, but every man he meets ends up dead in unexplained yet HILARIOUS CONSEQUENCES