You can blame this on thread on Terra. And my utter boredom/procrastination.
Let's imagine that you can, by the powers of mind control, get your beau to think exactly what you're thinking.. and then perhaps actually do it.
But it has to be said in the style of a naughty girl's book or porn mag or mills & boon novel otherwise it just won't work on them.
So, shoot (*koff*).