I know that most of you think anyone that voted for Boris is an idiot, and i'm sorry that the majority of Londoners can't be as intelligent as yourselves, but i'd like to say a few words.
Firstly, i'd like to thank myself for all the long hours I put in at work helping Boris win the Mayoralty. I'd also like to thank JacobJones; I know he was doing as hard a job at Labour HQ for Ken, even if it was, sadly, to no avail.
However, I would be doing myself a injustivce if I did not out smug the smug lefty brigade.
All through the campaign you took the moral high ground, proclaiming Boris to be an idiot and, by extention, anyone that anyone that voted for him to also be an idiot. I know you enjoyed climbing your ladder to get way way up there upon your high horse, to look down at the minions below, knowing that they could never be as clever, as understanding, and as tolerant as youselves.
Indeed, a vote for Boris, you said, was a vote for racism, for intolerance, for bumbling and for stupidity.
You are, dear lefties, the most intelligent of all the people on God's green earth, and you will remain forever 'right'. Unfortunately, it seems, you will only ever be right in your own minds. It is a shame that, for now, the rest of the world is yet to catch up with your brilliance.
We are left with no choice then, but to wallow in the decision of the ill-educated majority; the majority that voted BoJo as their leader.
What lies ahead over the next four years remains to be seen. I hope for your sake however, dear lefties, that it all goes wrong. For should it go well, and London becomes even greater than it already is, I fear you may not know what to do with yourselves. As the 'moral majority' grows smaller and smaller, you will be left to fight amongst yourselves until there is nothing left; and this will be most tragic, most tragic.
But for now, my friends, I raise a toast. A toast to all the Conservative councillors who seized victory today. A toast to all those lucky civilians who, by their own efforts, now live under the control of glorious Conservative councils. And of course, a toast to Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson; the man that the bed-wetting lefties said was too posh, too racist, too homophobic and too stupid. To you Boris my boy: may God shine brightly on you as you make a great city, even greater.