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so any jokes below for cheery times or youtube clips or, well, anything would be ace, please..
Even though you appear to be wearing a bin liner in your profile pic, you're still making it look good!
I had a heavy night last night, and all I'm capable of doing right now is drinking tea and watching this on repeat:
It is mesmeric and soothing.
Thanks very much for this.
and that 4th little one!! (gasp)!
so cute. Thanks. x
I actually let out a proper gasp when I saw that.
Fucking ridiculously cute.
there were four tiny little kittens in a cage. it broke my heart into iddy biddy pieces.
very cute hat, tho..
I'd seen that one before - cannae remember where but it's a goodun
"oo oo ah ah!"
and the other says
"well put the cold tap on then"
a joke quickly'.
My other one:
"I used to own a balloon factory - but it went bust." has been done a few times.
I think any joke with a monkey in it can be elivated to classic status.
I've been giggling at that joke.
I can't believe we let our children watch this shit. Am sending it onto someone who would appreciate it just as much.. THANKS!
This is all I'm gonna show my kids! I love how its got a wicked beat as well!
- Did you hear about the alcoholic? His addiction is destroying his family.
- Two men are in a bar:
"I saw a large number of strange men going in and out of your house yesterday."
"Yes, my wife has become a prositute to fund her cancer treatment."
- Q:Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
A: Because it would be economically unwise to produce and market aspirin for the largely unpopulated jungle.
- Q: Why do undertakers wear ties?
A: Because their profession is very serious, and requires a certain degree of gravitas.
the second one especially
Q: Why would Abu Hamza make a good boxer?
A: Well, he seems quite determined in his beliefs, and would probably dedicate serious commitment to training and preparing for a fight.
because....etc. What a tard.
"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books."
"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said [campily] 'Make your mind up.'
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"
"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
this is what the internet is made for. Not only has it got a cat being cute its got ace tunes and also the word monkey :)
I have a mate whos can does an ace impression of Stevie Wonder when you scratch the back of his head I don't have a youtube link though he only performs live hehe.
by the way.
im going to make a blog documenting all my posts that get no replies i think.
good work, prof-kitsch.
my friend is called ant :(
cause you were all like "my posts get no replies, boo-hoo"
A never-fail. I was going to pick an individual piece off it, but I'm too tired. Just pick anything and pretend I recommended it specifically.
their lists are great. these ones are not the best i've seen off mcsweeney's, but are still fairly good of course. plus they are well suited to some disers, as it happens.